Social gatherings make me sad

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Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

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Joined: 11 Jun 2021
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 190
Location: Canada

26 Nov 2021, 3:00 pm

@CubsBullsBears, try to focus less on others and more on yourself. Comparing oneself to others usually leads to the have-and-have-not's; feelings of envy and feeling sorry for yourself. And not only do we have a natural bias for paying more attention to the more admirable things of others, but social media only makes that worse since people usually post more about the better things in their life.

Honestly, people don't start or go through life with equal advantage. It's not fair, but fairness isn't an intrinsic property of reality. It's a social tool for civil cooperation, so that we get along with those we work and live with.

So, rather than compare yourself to people with different sets of advantages and disadvantages, the best person the compare yourself to is actually yourself. You have the best access and perspective to all your successes and failures, so you have the capacity to contrast yourself in a far more accurate (and healthy) manner.

Use accomplishments of other people as goals and inspiration, sure, that's fine, but when it comes to making comparisons, use only yourself.

Seek to be better than who you were. Measure your self-improvements, and keep adding to them no matter how small it may be. A lot of a little builds into great big things, and celebrating little victories grants you the momentum to keep carrying forth.

If you talk to people that manage huge and long-term projects you'll find that same philosophy as the driving force behind their success. Baby steps. Break down big difficult problems into smaller, more easily handled chunks and handle them one at a time.

And focus not only on your strengths, but also on being creative and resourceful with what else you have and turning them into strengths as well. Some traits can be just as detrimental as they might be beneficial. It just depends on how you handle it.

I used to think I was dumber than most because of how slow I was at handling new things and tripped up I'd get over details. I'd literally be clueless of how to proceed with work and jobs I was introduced to without a lot more explanation....but as it turns out I just tended to consider a faaaar wider breadth of possibilities than most and build far more complicated systems of thoughts to handle all those possibilities. My grades during elementary and high school were borderline failing, but once I found something that suited me and learned how to make best use of myself, I was one of the top students and in line for university. Learned how to apply myself better to dating and socializing too.

Be fair and patient with yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. You can reach a lot further than you think. Just take your time and start building yourself up. Baby steps. You'll get there.

Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.