Social gatherings make me sad

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I went to one tonight. A wedding. Seeing all the people be social with each other. Wish I had more of that in my life. It makes me feel like I'm missing out. I do have a few friends but I am rarely able to get together with any of them. They all have other life obligations. So all the things I do routinely in life is by myself.

But this whole thing of being sad about my lack of interaction with people is ultimately topped by not having a girlfriend. Back in High School I was bothered by people my age and younger being in relationships with people for months or even years while the only relationships I was ever in lasted a few weeks each. Not to mention those relationships happened because I was intrigued that they were interested in me. It wasn't exactly like I found them very attractive right when I first met them. Now it has been more than 2 years since I was last in a relationship. There have been things I have been told in that time that make me feel hopeful but it still gets frustrating at times.

An example of me trying and getting rejected did happen recently. A girl I was friends on Facebook with put out a post stating that she's looking for someone. I sent her a message suggesting that we'd meet up and get to know each other. Her response made no sense given that she had declared that she was looking for a boyfriend: "I work two jobs".

Just a few weeks later, I see that she got herself a boyfriend. I unfriended her on Facebook and Snapchat because I don't want to subject myself to other people's joy that I don't have.

I feel the opposite way. When I see people people socializing I'm glad that I don't have to be like that too much.

I don't know if I'm disheartened or impressed that all these people in their early 20s are so busy with responsibilities. That didn't start happening till my generation hit our 30s.

I was your that age in the early 00s and everyone I knew wasn't really tied down to anything apart from one friend who I think has overbearing parents.

I hear you young-uns have to have 2 jobs just to make ends meet these days.

I wonder if you can make different friends who have a more similar priority perspective to you. Over the years I naturally gravitated to other people who like going to activities I like and who had less ties like I do. Enjoy your freedom by keeping your eye out for similar people and enjoy time with them.

It's so difficult for young people these days. Everything seems to be online. I don't know how you're meeting each other.

I'm not be very helpful, I know, but I am here to commiserate and say I hear you.

Yeah, what's up with that? I had zero jobs when I was in my early 20s. Why do the kids these days want to rush into responsibility?

Inflation.

I don't know about other countries but here in the US the income inequality between the dirt poor & the mega rich has rapidly been increasing since the recession that hit when the millennium changed. The federal minimum wage has barely gone up at all since then but the prices of things at the stores including groceries & non store stuff like utilities, housing, higher education, & health care costs are constantly going up. Even the costs of using essential government services like using the post office to send & receive mail & packages has gone up at a higher rate of inflation than the federal minimum wage & Social Security benefits has. The lower middle class is rapidly eroding away.

To be fair, early 20s is when people should have a job.

Social gathering make me sad mainly because it makes me acutely aware of how poor my social skills are.

Last edited by Nades on 15 Nov 2021, 8:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don’t mind it when other people are happy—even when I’m sad.

I avoid social gatherings…Id rather play YouTube

Getting back to the original topic... My extended family had a lot of weddings within a year or so after me & my 1st girlfriend broke up. Different cousins of mine got married as well as an aunt during that time frame. I was very depressed, majorly, missed my ex, & I was also VERY lonely & HATED being single & could not get a single date despite my best efforts. The weddings defiantly made me feel worse about things. I was straight-edge for years after that breakup because my ex had problems with alcohol & drugs & it was less painful for me to blame those things than blaming my bad behavior for how I handled the problems However I did drink some at those weddings & they were my only exceptions. I never drank enough to get drunk but the drinking did keep me from crying due to my sadness.

I didn't have any other major social gatherings thankfully except for getting together with family for holidays like Christmas & Thanksgiving. The holiday gatherings didn't depress me because they were smaller & chaotic. I avoid social gatherings in general because they do not interest me. I keep to myself & barely talk with anyone & I feel worn out & tired & bored except when we're eating. Being at home would be much more enjoyable for me.

I WAS on the topic.....

Yep.....all in all, social gatherings tend to make me sad in a universal sense.

^ Getting back to the topic ,

I did feel the same at times.

I meant from my 1st post in this thread. Sorry about that. Your very wise about things & me & others really value your input.

They don't want to. They need to. Rent, groceries and utilities have skyrocketed, but wages have stayed the same.

Me too.

I can find interesting topics to learn about on YouTube. It's not so easy to do that at a party

Same. Alone time can be powerful. In a good way. If we let it.

Also, you’re only 21. You have a lot of time to find love.

I last attended a wedding in 2016, and I must say: I was pleasantly surprised, despite being the only single man there. (There were a few single women, but none of them were friendly--which I knew right when I first looked at them---and there's less stigma for single women at weddings to begin with.) No one really cared that I was single; they treated me no differently than any other guest. The food was good. The newlyweds' first dance was beautiful. My friend's girlfriend was even nice enough to dance with me: one time swing, the other time waltz. I know ballroom dances, but my friend does not; it was G-rated partner dancing, so he was OK with it. In fact, I have a hunch he asked her to ask me to dance, so I wouldn't feel left out from sitting out all night, which was nice of him. Or maybe she did it on her own accord, after clearing it with him, which was nice of her as well.

In the end, it worked out swimmingly for everyone involved. I got to actually dance at a wedding, despite being single. The girlfriend got to do a dance she liked but couldn't do with her boyfriend, since he didn't know it. And the boyfriend didn't need to feel compelled to do a dance he didn't know, as I filled in that role within appropriate boundaries.