I do the same. But I take small steps, and want to learn from my mistakes. If I do make a mistake, I analyse it, and I will find a different way to do it.
This causes issues to others, unfortunately, and that makes me furious.
I drove (a car) from Enschede (Netherlands), where I live, to Berlin (Germany). After three days I went to Cologne (Germany). After another three days I went to Paris (France), then again after three days I went to Breda (Netherlands). Finally after another three days I went home.
My father finds this a crazy idea. For me that is an awesome challenge. He has no autism, but he is likely not capable of doing this. When he wants to drive to an unknown place, I or his girlfriend, have to assist with navigation. But I can drive by myself, both looking at the traffic and using navigation, all the way to Berlin, Cologne, Paris and Breda.
The trip from Berlin to Cologne was too long and - including the breaks I took - took 9 hours, which is too long for me. I was exhausted when I arrived in Cologne. "That is a sign of not knowing your limits," my father told me. A permanent problem for him. For me it is a temporary problem. It is a lesson, which teaches me to book a hotel halfway between Berlin and Cologne.
I am intellectually capable of a lot of things. I can get really good at it. I am not a savant (like Rain Man) but I don't have severe limitations in daily life.
Work is a problem. My boss doesn't want me to discover capabilities. For her it is important that autism limits me, but she is silent about in what way it limits me. That's unclear to me. I want to find out. She doesn't allow me. Previous bosses told me, that I should accept my autism. But I am really very happy with how I am (I do enjoy life outside work, at least until the start of the current crisis we are all in), but I want to discover more skills related to my work. She doesn't want to allow me, and she doesn't want me to prove her wrong. That really frustrates me.
If I make a mistake at work, she tells me: You can't do this task. I will ask someone else who can. You are not accurate. I know, she likes to pick cherries, which means: If I do 10 things right for which accuracy is important, and I do one thing wrong, it is the thing that I did wrong, not the 10 things I did right.
15 Nov 2021, 7:11 am
