I’m Depressed

Post Reply New Topic

I’m lonely, bored & wishing I was dead. Nobody cares about me. I soooo hate myself.

^^
Why do you believe this?

I care about and relate to you.

All thoughts come from your head. Don't let others dictate how you should feel about yourself. Be kind to yourself; go on meds for depression if you feel meds are are what you need. Take responsibility for yourself!

You've got a whole forum of people who care about you. It may be at a distance but that doesn't lessen it in any way.

Have a Dog V4 hug...have several.

I wish I wasn’t born, I always wish my mom had a miscarriage when she was pregnant with me. i was doing good today, I sorted out my mail from my junk mail, I picked up some trash from my kitchen floor with my grabby strick from my wheelchair, I handwash some of my new socks & one pair of new pajama bottoms that I bought last year. I hurted my feet sooooo much. I went on my bank mobile app to check something. When I went shopping on Walmart website, I accidentally used my credit card to pay, I wanted to use my debit card, I just paid off my credit card, I had to pay again. My credit card account say -0.05€. I got confused on what happening, I started to cry, then I felt like I really cannot handle everything, my mail, trash, washing my clothes & other things, remembering to brush my teeth, brush my hair, wash my body, remembering what to buy for my apartment & other things, taking care of my cat & bank stuff. I Soooooo Hate being responsible, I’m not responsible enough. I’m not 5 years old, I’m a STUPID STUPID adult. I think I’m slowly getting to a mental breakdown, I had a mental breakdown 20 years ago in public.

I've only brushed my teeth maybe half a dozen times since the onset of the pandemic (when my routine was shattered). My therapist suggests I prioritize it more highly. I'm not there yet. I am good with data and deep compassion and I completely suck it in the rest of life. I would bet you are extremely frustrated with your hardships and despondent from the lack of IRL support. Perhaps if you grieved for your hardships rather than berating yourself? I imagine you would not berate me for my similar shortcomings and I encourage you to have the same grace for yourself. I know it's hard to face our difficulties and/or ask for help b/c so many folks don't understand (and make it worse). Hugs in this difficult time. Wishing you relief (in a constructive way). I'm having a mopey day myself - I know what I want to do (research) and I know what I am supposed to do (everything else). I often struggle with how "unproductive" I feel. I'm really trying to give myself space, to have patience and grace for myself. If you relate, you are not alone in that.

We all struggle, that why we come here. For hope, hope of many things for many people. Today, was a challenge, tomorrow may as well. No one is promised an easy life, try to turn rejection ( or that feeling), into fuel for something that drives you. Many days emotionally are tough but no one picks your attitude but you. You can decide that it’s going to be a good day tomorrow, even with challenges, you can have a good day. I know half way across the country at least more than one person here on this site will be hoping you have a better day tomorrow.