I feel like Im the only nd person with low empathy.

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Its a thorny subject.

I tend to think of "empathy" as meaning something like "compassion". But the mental healthcare community uses the words differently. A book that the doc (who diagnosed me as aspie) gave me about aspergers- says that the words "sympathy" and "empathy" are not to be confused. So there you have it!

You have to sort out what all three words mean in the first place. THEN you have to figure whether you have each one, or whether you even agree with the mental health community that theyre even correct in saying "we lack empathy".

The book I got (written by an aspie) says that "aspies have loads of sympathy (like for the suffering of others), but lack empathy". We aspies/autistics feel sorry for you if you're suffering, but you have to tell us you're suffering bc ...we cant figure it out on our own. Lol. Because we have bad theory of mind... I think.

Then there is still ANOTHER dichotomy you hear. Some folks split "empathy" into "cognitive empathy", and "effective empathy".

Effective E meaning "you feel the emotions of others", and "cognitive E" meaning you can figure out what their emotions are. Or something. Anyway in that dichotomy "effective empathy" means something like how others use "sympathy" and "compassion". While "cognitive empathy" is used to mean something like how some folks use just the word "empathy".

Its better to just talk about "theory of mind". Are you good at figuring out what others feel? That seems to be the bottom line.

Empathy threads do my head in too (not getting at the OP).

I feel strongly that I have a reduced empathic capability.
Analytically I can understand why someone feels they way they do, but it rarely moves me.

Someone mentioned earlier here that they are more inclined to feel empathy towards injured animals or fictional characters. I would say I experience the same thing. I can quite stoically watch the suffering of humans and feel very little. If I see an injured or dead animal I can feel that pain or sadness or loss.

The same thing goes for emotions on the other end of the spectrum like joy or excitement. These aren’t emotions I feel very often in relation to others and their experiences. For example, if someone tells me their pregnant, I can feign excitement but I don’t really feel it.

That sounds just like me.

I'm tired of the talk about how we should feel love amd empathy!
Real charity (caritas) is beyond feeling!
Charity does not refer specifically to giving poor people money even if you can have caritas when doing that.

"Effective E" is automatic and therfore quicker transmission of data, in the limbic system. "cognitive E" is slower ,secondary transmission route using the cortex. "slower" can b a matter of miliseconds. yes, i am good at figuring out what others feel. angry, sad, joyous, shocked, fearful, are primary emotions and quite easily recognizable by me. subtler mixtures of these states may be harder to distinguish though.

Agreed.


Hold on. I think if someone is yelling and screaming about how angry they are, even an Aspie can 'sense what they're feeling,' even if the Aspie doesn't understand why. It doesn't necessarily require empathy or sympathy for "sensing what others are feeling," especially if it's super stereotypical behavior. Patterns can be recognized to deduce HOW a person is feeling.

Sympathy means feeling true sadness and sorrow at the fact that another person is suffering. Feeling bad that someone is obviously in pain, even if you can't understand the pain itself, you feel truly sorry for them and want them to get better. That's sympathy.

Empathy means either sensing or knowing what it's like to be in their shoes.

From what I gather, it seems like there are two types of empathy. EMOTIONAL empathy: even if you haven't suffered the way someone else has, you FEEL like you have when you're around them. "His wife died. My wife is still alive. But I'm feeling all the same feelings as if my wife were dead, too." EMOTIONAL empathy.

There there's INTELLECTUAL empathy: "I know what it's like to lose a wife, because I lost mine several years ago. I can remember how I felt when my wife died, so I have an idea of what you're going through based on my own experience. Others might by sad and sympathetic for you, but their wives are still alive. They don't actually know what it's like to lose a spouse. But I actually know what it's like to be there because I went through it, too."

Sympathy = genuine sadness because someone else is suffering
Emotional empathy = feeling another person's pain as if it's happening to you, (even if it really isn't, it feels like it)
Intellectual empathy = thinking about what another person is going through because you yourself have already gone through the exact same scenario previously.

^

Okay, I think cognative empathy doesn't simply mean figuring it out, but having a point of reference because you've lived through the same thing yourself (what I call INTELLECTUAL empathy).

Effective sounds more like "EMOTIONAL" empathy, feeling as if you're suffering the exact same thing even if you're not. I admit, I can't relate to this one. I can deduce, and I can feel sorry, but I can't 'take on another person's pain as if it were my own.' Supposedly, some people can. They feel as if they, too, are going through the exact same sufferings as another, as if it were really happening to them. I don't want to dismiss it just because I can't relate.

People who reckon to be able to feel exactly what I'm feeling really get on my nerves and I would avoid them at all costs.

My brother died in 2018 and a woman at work who I had known for about two minutes started crying about it.

I mean, how f*****g arrogant is that?

I don't feel grief as such so how the hell did she reckon she knew how I felt? She knew not one jot.

I don't think having so called empathy makes you a better person at all. It makes you deluded.

I happen to be hyperempathetic, but my ADHD (possibly autistic) partner has very low empathy. I've met many hyperempathetic autistics as well as many hypoempathetic autistics.

I think this is a somewhat harsh and sweeping generalization. There is a difference between someone being dramatic (and inappropriately causing a scene/crying over something impersonal) and someone expressing genuine empathy for the plight of another.

Being NT doesn't mean feeling what others are feeling all the time. Some NTs have more empathy than others. Some autistics have more empathy than others. Empathy is more common in women.

What NTs do (mostly guys) is know the cue of when to express empathy, even if it's fake.

But then doesn't expressing empathy become sympathy?

The way I see it, sometimes empathy and sympathy can mean two different things but other times they can go hand-in-hand with each other. Empathy is a very broad thing and means more than just ''crying when someone else cries''.

Most Aspies define empathy as bullying, emotional manipulation and just being mean in general. Most NTs define empathy as behaving appropriately and being compassionate and understanding of how another person is feeling.

Nice to know someone else out there feels the same!

I just struggle to understand how you can feel the same as another person. Is once they tell you how they feel or is it automatic like a psychic link.

If someone told me how they feel then I could possibly imagine how that might feel and then try and relate to it but that's a bit of a process for me.

you can either identify with that person cognitively, difficult to do (energy wise). you would have to incorporate their mind state and mimic it internally. through observing verbal cues or just non verbal cues, and assumptions on your part. psychic link?, more like a psychic mirroring effect, so you're both in harmonious psychic states.. (this is conducive to social functioning) this is all theoretical to me... i generally don't mirror peoples emotions, i'm very individualistic (detached).

Empaths i understand are people who reactive levels are so high they automatic form a psychic link' with other people they encounter, if someones crying, they start to cry, and conversely i assume if somebody is happy, it brings them joy. There is no cognitive energy expenditure, its automatic process, (the same as breathing, blinking).

My ADHD partner needs a lot of processing time too! He doesn't understand what I'm feeling when I'm hyperempathizing, and I don't understand when he cannot empathize at all! It's just the way we are wired, and that is perfectly fine! It used to irk me more, but I no longer care to know WHY our brains work so differently in that regard.

I'd also like to say that I've met many NDs on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to empathy. I don't necessarily GET how other people don't automatically feel what others are feeling, but I understand that we are all wired differently and experience the world differently! I don't view either group as any lesser. Note: MOST of the hyperempathetic ND people I have met are femme. Most NTs I've met are NOT hyperempathetic.

For me, I think it is partially brain neuroanatomy and partially learned. It is something that has become automatic to me, so it appears "magical". A person does NOT have to tell me how they are feeling, but sometimes their voice or tone can help me put together a better picture of emotions. ;P . I guess I'll give a bit of background:

I have always been really good at picking up on body language, voice changes, and all of the other subtleties that add up to an emotion. I've also always had a very vivid/imaginative mind, so it was very easy for me to visualize and embody those emotions. I was a very sensitive child in general (always hypervigilant and hyperaware). For my own survival and sanity (living in an physically/emotionally abusive household growing up), I was forced to further learn behavioral patterns and subtle cues. It didn't hurt that I had a natural knack for picking up on visual patterns.

The really wild thing is that I have a hard time identifying/labeling my own emotions, but I can easily pick up on the moods/emotions of others.