Feel like a fake

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I was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder back in 2016. I was around 24 at the time. I had forgotten about it until recently when I was looking over my medical records because my wife wants to have a baby. I knew they mentioned I might have it but didn’t realize they diagnosed me.

Anyways, I’ve been very fixated on this since last Monday when I discovered it. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it and looking things up. But I feel like a fraud I understand facial expressions, gestures, and body language. I do display other symptoms but I just feel weird at the moment.

It's not like you tried to get diagnosed and I assume this came out of nowhere when you went to seek therapy or something. And sometimes we may think we understand things and not realize there is more to body language than just knowing someone is upset because they are shouting or yelling at us or slamming and throwing things.

Sadly a lot of info about autism online and spread by word of mouth isn't complete or contains misinformation.

The important thing to know and remember is that it's called Autism Spectrum Disorder, alluding to the fact that it contains a range of symptoms rather being a condition with fixed symptoms.

I also had a big issue drawing parallels between what I learned about autism and myself when I first learned I had ASD. Took some time and talking to other autists to figure myself and ASD out.

You are who you are. Your wife loves you for who you are. You are the same person regardless if you know you are on the spectrum or not and regardless of if you are on the spectrum or not. You are still you and your wife loves you. This is what matters!
Just carry on being who you are and enjoy it.

Like you I am diagnosed but have a lot of common traits missing. I find myself picking up on non-verbal cues like body language all the time without realising at the time but remembering that I did if I recall the situation. Also I'm hypersensitive to other people's emotions so that helps too, although it can sometimes cause anxiety. I also find myself emotionally manipulating a lot (not in a sociopath way but for the same reasons the average NT does it).

I wish I wasn't diagnosed. But it's no point getting "undiagnosed", because of the lack of friends I have will be evidence that I do have sh***y Asperger's.

"If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism."

And you're the one like you!

The diagnosis doesn't change you. It just helps explain you. And it sounds like you are doing just fine...as was I. I didn't get my diagnosis until I was 64...and I got it out of curiosity. I really did buy champagne on the way home from the psychologist's office because the diagnosis explained so much. (One thing it explained is what was wrong with everyone else!) Besides which, it is a new topic to explore.

One warning though. When I and my bride first concluded I was probably a High Functioning Autistic I did an Internet search to find out if there were any famous autistics. GROAN! Brace yourself before you do that search. And remember that very few folk (Autistic or not) were as good as those folk.

You are correct I was not seeking out a diagnosis for autism. I was actually referred to a psychologist due to insomnia during graduate school. I don’t remember how we got on the subject but somehow that evolved into talking about how I didn’t have any friends, how I am awkward, and how socializing with others is difficult for me. After several sessions she said she thought I was on the autism spectrum. However, after checking my clinical notes she actually diagnosed me.

Although I do understand body language, gestures, tone, and metaphors (mostly). I do have a hard time socializing with people I don’t know, people with certain types of personalities, and have a hard time figuring out how to respond to people sometimes. I’m totally “normal” with my wife I can read her like a book and understand her easily. Looking back at my childhood I guess I had sensory issues. I hated long sleeve clothing refused to wear it until a few years ago due to how the sleeves and cuffs felt. I guess I fixate on things because I can’t stop thinking about autism since going through my records. Sorry for the long reply everyone.

Having Asperger's should not prevent you from having children, I believe.

I have no children; but that isn't because I have autism. It was just "the luck of the draw."

It's not a genetic disorder in the sense that Sickle Cell Anemia is a genetic disorder. Many times, there is no Asperger's, or autism, in the family history of someone diagnosed with Asperger's/autism.

It is a Spectrum so different Auties have different degrees of severity. And different levels of coping skills. It sounds as if your coping skills have been doing reasonably well against the symptoms at your degree of severity.

I knew virtually nothing about Autism and would have dismissed any suggestion that I "had" it...until multiple unlikelinesses collided in 2018 to give me the hint. My then 88-year old Dad happened to be visited by a little kid thought to possibly be Autistic and remarked that the kid was doing the same "weird" things I used to do (presumably in the 1950s!). I already suspected some difference but I did not suspect Autism. Hearing about Dad's comments about that kid gave me the hint to learn about Autism.

You also stumbled into this self-knowledge.

Based on my still short experience with awareness, I'll make four recommendations:

1. Don't worry about it. You were doing OK with Autism before you knew so you should be able to do at least as well now that you do know.

2. Do learn about it. It is actually kind of interesting!

3. When your bride bumps up against what you think is likely one of your Autistic traits, you can now note: I have a doctor's note for that! (I like saying it a lot more than my bride likes hearing it.)

4. Enjoy Wrong Planet!

I am debating calling the number listed on the clinical notes stating they diagnosed me to find out if it’s a “official” diagnosis as it is listed on my clinical notes but anxiety is the only thing I see on my record. However, I feel this might be weird as this happened like 5 years ago at a university health center. I don’t want to come off as weird but I’m just curious if this constitutes an official diagnosis so that I could use it for accommodations on the work place etc. if ever need be. At this time I don’t need any accommodations. I function just fine but it might be nice to know I have access to those things if needed.

I would call, if I were you.

I would also have them send you the “official diagnosis” either via email or mail.

If you're getting through life without any problems that feel related to autism, I wouldn't sweat the diagnosis too much

Diagnosis of neurodivergence are useful for many, but it's something that causing you unnecessary emotional distress, I'd basically disregard it. ASD diagnosis is pretty subjective anyway and there's no real test we can do to definitively prove who "has it" (if it is indeed a singular concrete thing you can 'have'): it's best not to think about it rather than torture yourself.

Anyway, even if you do think of yourself as 'autistic', we all have different symptoms, so being OK with body language while struggling with other stuff is totally the norm.