In a "Friendship" because you are disabled or autistic

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Hi:
I am posting this today because I am wondering how many people on here have been friends with people for the wrong reasons. That is, feeling obliged to be friends with other people who also have autism regardless that both parties

1. Dislike or hate each other
2. Have different personalities
3. Having nothing in common
4. Being in different places or points of their lives.

Yet, you find yourself associating with other autistics or disabled because you can't seem to make or keep friends.

When I was 21, I wasted a lot of time with a 61 year old

We were in structural engineering together

He said that he read a book about Asperger's and thought that I had Asperger's and that he has Asperger's too. He acted like I was his soulmate

That interaction lasted only about one quarter

That was 2004 San Diego

He refused to call me "he" instead of "she"

He said "we agree to disagree"

He was republicans and I was democrat

I didn't get any better friends, but it was just too much energy being with him

I associated with an autistic female, who's traits were more moderate, and her mother off and on. One of the main reasons is because it's been a struggle to her to find and keep friends. In their mind, they wanted to find some other friends with disabilities for her to associate with. However, their expectations were unrealistic

1. Though we did things together, we were really not that excited about each other, though we tried to make things work
A. The autistic definitely hated me because she kept cutting me down and criticizing me for everything
B. They were never supportive of anything I did

2. We had opposing views about disabled people - They looked at how broken a person was and I looked more at focusing on the things that one can do while working around the things that one can't.

3. Though this autistic female is close to my age, her maturity levels were at the age of a 12-year-old. Sometimes she would act like she was 5. Meanwhile, I was in a very different place and point in my life.

4. We had nothing in common - They were all about football and I am all about animation, scifi, etc.

Never felt any obligation to be friends with anyone.
Nor associate myself with someone on the basis of having the same interests or status or even same diagnosis.



In fact, that's precisely what I avoid in life -- relationships as an obligation no different than an underpaid dead end job.


And commonality is a non-factor for me in any relationship. Sometimes I seek the opposite.

That's because I don't actively seek something out of any social interactions.
Only that if it's mentioned, for me it is something found and caught my interest.
It won't matter what that interest is, it's only better if I never seen nor heard about it.


Heck, there are barely any commonalities in most of my friendships at all, save for proximity, mutual acquaintances, and/or the very chance we came across one another at all.
Everyone communicates at their own pace and risk for me.

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To answer the OP, yes.

I feel like I've got a bit more social awareness than the people I draw to me and I'm more balanced in my outlook than a black and white thinker. I love my friends, but they are hard work.

I wish I had a friend I could just relax with.

No I've never been in a situation when I've felt the need to be around people who I dislike just because they may have a similar disability to me.

So I'm going to feel a sense of comradery if someone is the same minority group as I. So I'll try to help them, but not if they don't listen or are just generally jerks.

No Mona,
I am talking about people feeling obligated to make friends with someone just because they are autistic and therefore expect to get along. That said, you don't have anything in common with the other person(s).

In a nutshell, it's a bad idea to develop acquaintances based only on one criteria e.g., Autism Spectrum, NTs, etc.

From my personal experiences, more often than not, I feel it is best to exercise a "neutrality of sorts" in any new settings.

Regardless of whether or not settings are made-up of NTs, those on the Autism Spectrum, or a mix of both, I feel it's best to maintain neutrality in order to glean important insights on group dynamics (insights largely gleaned via osmosis).

Further details are enclosed in a LINK to a WP discussion thread 'Friendships W/People Receptive to Adults On Autism Spectrum'

LINK: viewtopic.php?t=401744

This is one of the many reasons why the autistic community needs to grow as an organized subculture, so that it can eventually include many different groups for autistic people with more in common than just autism.

Examples include:

- Groups of autistic people with similar careers or career goals.
- Groups of autistic people with a particular hobby.
- Groups of autistic people in particular religions.