How to deal with emotions without dumping them on anyone?

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@blazingstar I totally get where you're coming from. I stopped journaling years ago because of that very issue, I just got sick and tired of hearing myself think about the same unsolved problems over and over again.

That being said, I think that it's a special case that occurs given the right conditions, and not a truth of journaling in general. Even though I still can't handle journaling again, I still very much appreciate the journaling I did in the past. It helped me to figure out a lot of things and played a large part in my developing problem solving skills. It was also critical for how early I learned how to either turn negative feelings and the need to express them into constructive problem solving, or just avoid ruminating on them if I can't.

I also did meditation even back in my late teens, sidelong with journaling. I also had to stop meditating eventually, for similar reasons and more. Or at least, I had to stop the type of meditation I used to spend most of my time on. Too many landmines.

Now I just problem solve or stay away from triggering the memory and emotions until it disappears into the annals of personal history. Although there's the oft-invoked saying that it's unhealthy to 'let problems fester', reality isn't so simple. Some problems can't be completely solved, just endured. And if you can't endure it, avoid and forget it so you can at least find some peace of mind and carry on with every other part of your life.

[quote="CinderashAutomaton]

Now I just problem solve or stay away from triggering the memory and emotions until it disappears into the annals of personal history. Although there's the oft-invoked saying that it's unhealthy to 'let problems fester', reality isn't so simple. Some problems can't be completely solved, just endured. And if you can't endure it, avoid and forget it so you can at least find some peace of mind and carry on with every other part of your life.[/quote]

I agree with you here. I don’t know if it is just me (and you), but I find all that hashing through old stuff counter-productive.

I have the most success in making my life better by learning to problem-solve, learning new skills and moving on.

I also realize that many people need to travel a different path and that is ok too.

It is already mentioned around this forum.


In my own case, all of it are kind of zigzagging itself.

In journaling or writing down stuff -- it takes discerning past denials and personal dishonesty from repeated reactions of emotions.
Doing it wrong may end up writing every other day, repeating the same problems and with less times the resolutions.

I did the same mistakes for years -- ends up having a journal of repeated rants of two problems -- the rest are just a mix random and is less than 10% of the journal.
Then I changed it into a specific form of confession sessions -- while it's not as often and only do so when it comes up, it resolve more emotions and issues.


In meditation -- the head is a funny thing. It takes an amount of willingness to take specific yet intense emotions. Before releasing any emotions, one had to be in a safe place for it. And not everyone can do this alone and without professional help.
If it doesn't come to the head, it's somewhere in the body. Tensions in the body -- one would have to know what it may mean. It may require some body work.

My earlier attempts of meditation was so successful, I achieved ego loss for a good week. It changed me.
Now, somewhere in my head is 'anticipating' some highs. Rendering a lot of meditation techniques ineffective for me, except as a deliberate focus and breathing exercise.
Or occassionally summoning buried emotions myself and deal with it myself.


In rants -- there's being a daily reactionary, probably preprogrammed on loop for years. And then there's the occassional situations that do not happen on daily basis.
Both are valid as long as it doesn't harm others. Better if it helps one to move on.

I used to be the kind who rants the same issues all over.
Now I kinda rarely do somehow.


In music -- that varies. Some are better at this than the other. Most musics are mostly for comfort or for releasing. One may decide how to mix up both.
It can be a placeholder with, say, movies.

I don't have a lot of in depth experience with this. Mostly music is a form of distractions or a form of adding a spice or two with whatever mundane task I'm doing.


In exercise -- one would have to know their body well. Even the basic ones requires a little mixing up from the usual routines every now and then.

I'm just starting off with this. I fluctuate quite often and having to figure the rules in every other shift... For now, I just only found out the sensation of getting it 'right'.
Hoping this would resolve a specific issue of mine -- violence in intense emotions. That includes positive emotions.

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I agree that venting your spleen in a written (or even verbal) presentation to yourself can just go round in circles, solving very little, and even making matters worse by amplifying the negativity. I prefer to share my feelings with other people, as it seems a less hollow experience for me to do that, though I rarely seem to find a safe opportunity or the right time for it, and have often had to just write them down in a private journal.

But I think there are different ways of going about the expression of emotions, and some may be more effective than others. It seems to me that the only way that's been discussed here so far is to spit it all out in a not-too-pretty, negative outburst, going completely over the top. It's probably natural for anybody with a lot of pent-up anguish and resentment to opt for that way. A lot of my journal entries from bygone decades were like that. I can't remember them doing me a lot of good. I'm sure there are some therapists who would encourage the client to do exactly that, to them in person of course, in which case for all I know it might be rather more cathartic and healing. But personally I've never felt able to do that. I suppose I'm afraid of being so nasty in front of another person in case they thought the worse of me for doing so - indeed I can't imagine many social situations where I'd be doing my popularity any favours, to say the least.

But another approach is, rather than letting the vitreol rip like that, to simply try to identify my feelings and name them. Not to hold back on expressing it with feeling, but to tell it like it really is instead of coming out with an exaggerated rant where everybody who has ever annoyed me is demonised and damned and the feelings are only powerfully implied in the rant rather than being directly identified. So instead of doing a hatchet job on the human causes of the bad feelings, it might be better to say something like "I feel furious about x." That's what I try to do these days both in my journals and when I'm expressing myself to people. Most of the time it's not other people who are the real source of my misery, it's a product of me, them, and the situation. It's a source of frustration to me that I can hardly ever get a clear shot at any real culprit, because so much of my anger turns out to be unjustifiable as a simple grievance against another person's unacceptable behaviour, though of course the anger itself is very real and needs voicing and respecting as such.