How to deal with emotions without dumping them on anyone?

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Blue Jay
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01 Dec 2021, 11:23 am

I think I have been ignoring all kinds of emotions for a long time. Things have piled up. I start losing control more frequently. I don't know how exactly to deal with that - even though there are some people that I could try to talk to, but if I start talking I immediately feel it becoming a rant and it's very hard to hold myself together. I try to keep my confessions short and cool but that does not help me. That only discloses facts but does not resolve feelings. I understand that I can just go to a therapist and they would listen to me for money. But ideally I don't want to do that. Is there a way to resolve them without dumping my s**t on anyone? Or is a therapist the only option?



theprisoner
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01 Dec 2021, 11:32 am

music: (channels emotions,distracts, transforms, dissipates) exercise:calisthenic/cardiovascular (release of intra-psychic energy through kinetic expenditure)


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01 Dec 2021, 11:40 am

The way I feel is: rant away. We all experience blue moods and this is a good place to do so.



AprilR
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01 Dec 2021, 11:42 am

Writing things down and blogging helps me. Also this forum.



skrish234
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01 Dec 2021, 11:44 am

It's also good to keep a journal, that way you can write down your emotions.



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01 Dec 2021, 7:37 pm

AprilR wrote:
Writing things down and blogging helps me. Also this forum.

Do you write about what you feel? I write too, but not about feelings, not publicly at least...



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01 Dec 2021, 8:52 pm

Working on my hobbies, talking to my friends, listening to music.


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AprilR
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02 Dec 2021, 6:15 am

cornerpiece wrote:
AprilR wrote:
Writing things down and blogging helps me. Also this forum.

Do you write about what you feel? I write too, but not about feelings, not publicly at least...


Yes, it is more like a journal though. It is definitely not public, it was an advice my previous therapist gave me. It lessens the intensity of emotions to put them on paper.



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02 Dec 2021, 6:54 am

write it down! write a letter to somebody else, to yourself, and edit it until it expresses exactly what you feel. I got therapy years ago and as part of that I was to write a letter to whoever i was feeliing upset over. I wrote and edited over and over until I got the feelings right... lots of hard work to sort my emotions, understand motives, etc. It helped me find my feelings and understand them. I had always hid my feelings since I was punished for expressing them, so it was difficult to begin with. I never did send the letters to the people they addressed, but I was much clearer on my emotions about whatever happened to upset me. I was desperate to be heard but I did not have the communication skills to assert myself. I learned to identify my emotions in therapy and also learned how to communicate in healthier ways. It was the best and the scariest thing I ever did for myself. If you struggle with emotions, there is no shame in finding a therapist to help you sort it all out. My autistic thinking (rigid thoughts) kept me from doing this for myself. I had to have things explained to me. The therapist was my coach and teacher. The hardest part was sorting the emotions . Consider getting therapy, or ask you therapist if you already have one, about it. Best wishes


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02 Dec 2021, 9:09 am

I can't stand emotions. When I feel something strong, I'll blab to anybody who would listen. After I calm down a bit I'll write it down in my journal or post on one of the forums. I might also sing some appropriate songs. Then I'll have a drink to relax. :D

Luckily I'm not naturally emotional. I think I'd waste a lot of time and money on them otherwise. :D If you're not extroverted you can just skip step one. It's important to manage your emotions and not let them build up too much.


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CinderashAutomaton
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02 Dec 2021, 3:45 pm

I'm also chimming on the personal journal method. Throughout most of my life I would keep a private journal where I can just rant all I want and say all the horrible things I would never say IRL.

And then IRL I would just be vague, I wouldn't go into details. I would just say enough to convey the general direction of my troubles and express a much more tame version of emotion. Just enough to feel true to myself and illicit empathy from the person I'm talking to.

And that was enough for me. As far as the closure from emotional release goes, I felt satisfied enough with that.

These days, though, I just don't get into it at all. I'm kinda broken and messed up now and just getting into it even a little just makes me lose myself in expressing how sorry for myself I feel. At most I'll just mention something brief and very general, then quickly dismiss and distract with a change in topic.


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SharonB
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02 Dec 2021, 10:03 pm

Recently I shot up from my chair in distress. I was almost to the phone desperate to call someone and I thought. "Can I manage this myself?" Then I thought "Why should I have to? it's too painful." Then I considered what I could do: tap (EMDR, EFT), jumping jacks, sit with the feeling despite it's unbearableness. And then... it was bearable.

During a previous life crises (high stress), EFT was a life savor (before I knew I was Autistic)l I also journalled. Now I am exploring FEELING my feelings, that I can feel them, they will pass, I can bear them. I'm still new at it. When it's really bad for her, a friend holds an ice cube which helps her get pass that initial unbearable flood. Interestingly my (ASD) daughter was in meltdown earlier this week and after 45 min of hysterics I (kindly) asked her to find a way to calm down --- she rejected my ideas (I was so ready for some competitive sit ups!! !), but went and got herself a popsicle... and calmed down. So definitely something in that.

I get what you're saying. Good luck. :heart:



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03 Dec 2021, 5:40 am

Emotions easily short-circuit your logic, but the more you know about how and why your body produces them, the easier they are to manage. Remember that moods do change, but it takes some time to regain perspective. Exercise can be very helpful, especially if you are feeling excess adrenalin. Meditation is also near-essential now that there is so much more stimulation to process every day. If you have a calm period in meditation regularly, the same mantra or breath-awareness can be used for a quick fix anytime. If there is a regular irritant in your life, try to find something else to focus on. For instance, if you feel powerless at work, you may enjoy mastering a hobby.
I think that most people have friends instead of therapists, and take turns "dumping" on each other, without actually bothering the dumpee. Just having someone understand can help you let it go.



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03 Dec 2021, 12:10 pm

studies of foreign languages have begun helping give additional toolsets for uncovering buried sentiments along alternate paths that the first language couldn’t reach. resolving them relieves discord.

also, music as a dynamic meditation of innate expression has helped like a pressure release valve of sorts for going where words aren’t yet known. traditional flutes are found the most intuitive, along with ocarina, while the exercise is that there are no wrong notes, just sense where they go.

journaling and therapy never provided much resolution for not needing aid in introspection... if anything, the only thing that helps is being drawn out from the crushing abyss of it all, which is another reason the music works even in isolation in having come to a place it’s more like listening than playing.


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cornerpiece
Blue Jay
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08 Dec 2021, 7:15 am

Dear_one wrote:
Emotions easily short-circuit your logic, but the more you know about how and why your body produces them, the easier they are to manage. Remember that moods do change, but it takes some time to regain perspective. Exercise can be very helpful, especially if you are feeling excess adrenalin. Meditation is also near-essential now that there is so much more stimulation to process every day. If you have a calm period in meditation regularly, the same mantra or breath-awareness can be used for a quick fix anytime. If there is a regular irritant in your life, try to find something else to focus on. For instance, if you feel powerless at work, you may enjoy mastering a hobby.
I think that most people have friends instead of therapists, and take turns "dumping" on each other, without actually bothering the dumpee. Just having someone understand can help you let it go.

That's a really good answer, Dear_one.
One note: just recently had a conversation with someone who also expressed unwillingness to "dump s**t on friends", and I remembered a friend of my own who was in a bad place but didn't tell me about that. She only talked about her problem after she had solved it. I was trying to tell her that I wouldn't mind hearing it even if it hasn't been solved yet. Your advice "to take turns" sounds good. At least it would feel fair.
On the other hand I can imagine it becoming a competition "who dumps more s**t" but I don't think that would be my case..



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08 Dec 2021, 11:03 am

When I was younger, I tried the journaling. I'm not sure it actually helped my emotions per se, because writing things down seemed to reinforce my angry feelings. The more times I wrote, "he is a @#$%" the worse I got emotionally.

What I did learn from journaling, I learned by finding some old journals (like from years earlier) is that nothing had changed over the years. I was writing essentially the same complaints over and over again over a period of years.

WOW! That told me I was doing no growing and no changing and that something had to be done differently.

What I use now, after decades of working on/ignoring the problem:

I participate in what would sound to most people like a meditation session, for 40 mintues, every morning.

Instead of complaining, I think to myself, what I can I do right now to make it (or me) better. My own sense of calm and centeredness is more important than anything else.

If I am really worked up, I can go for a walk in the woods. Or garden.

If I get even more worked up and need to talk to someone, I think carefully about who that person should be. I want to make sure the other person is solid enough to handle my venting. And I want to make sure the person I call is someone who knows how to listen with respect. And, I will introduce the conversation with, I need to vent on this topic, are you okay with that?


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