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Dandansson
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02 Dec 2021, 4:25 am

Have you ever been told "be yourself" by professionals?
Did they/she/she have something in mind that was something than who you really are?
Did you quit taking help from that person (or persons) or was a discussion about it enough?
Or was the issue with you? I have told myself "be yourself" but actually had the wrong thoughts about who I really am. That made the relationships with professionals even more difficult.
Perhaps the proffesional did not even care about "be yourself" and never wanted you to change when you needed a change. That has happened to me. I dissliked that.

What worked for you? How did you deal with this? Do people assume you are someone you're not?



cyberdad
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02 Dec 2021, 5:27 am

Here's a tip.

Health Professionals are human like you and me. They aren't gods.
They are prone to the same biases as everybody else,

Treat them as service providers. If you don't feel their service is value for money then ditch them and find another one OR just use professor google to find your answers.



autisticelders
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02 Dec 2021, 6:59 am

miscommunication happens, "be yourself" is pretty open ended. I would ask for more details over things I don't understand. That statement could be taken a hundred ways. In my therapy, I had no idea who I was, so how could I "be myself"?
Its OK to question your counselor/professional and ask for explanation or more information. They are there to sort it all out. Ask about anything that is not clear to you. Ask them to explain it in different ways and not use the same phrase over and over. Sending best wishes.


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Dandansson
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02 Dec 2021, 7:31 am

cyberdad wrote:
Here's a tip.

Health Professionals are human like you and me. They aren't gods.
They are prone to the same biases as everybody else,

Treat them as service providers. If you don't feel their service is value for money then ditch them and find another one OR just use professor google to find your answers.

Bias?



timf
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02 Dec 2021, 7:45 am

When people speak (professional or otherwise) what comes out may be helpful, harmful, useless, or confusing. The key is to identify what is useful and ignore the rest.

The admonition to "be yourself" might have utility if you are frustrated attempting to live up to someone else's standards.

However, if you are masking as an employment strategy, "being yourself" might not work well.

Only you will know what is right for you. If someone suggests a change, it might be useful, but it would not be a bad idea to try it first experimentally in a portion of your life where the risk is lower.



Dandansson
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02 Dec 2021, 8:52 am

timf wrote:
When people speak (professional or otherwise) what comes out may be helpful, harmful, useless, or confusing. The key is to identify what is useful and ignore the rest.

The admonition to "be yourself" might have utility if you are frustrated attempting to live up to someone else's standards.

However, if you are masking as an employment strategy, "being yourself" might not work well.

Only you will know what is right for you. If someone suggests a change, it might be useful, but it would not be a bad idea to try it first experimentally in a portion of your life where the risk is lower.

You ask for help and you will recieve harmful advice?



Fnord
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02 Dec 2021, 9:42 am

'He' was a PE teacher and football coach.  'Me' was the student he always picked on.

HE: "Be yourself!"

ME: "But every time I try to be myself, you tell me that I am acting like someone else!"

HE: "That's 'cuz you're a smartass."

ME: "So you want me to be a smartass... ?"

HE: "No, I want you to be yourself."

ME: "But you just said..."

HE: "Forget what I just said and do what I tell you!!"



Dandansson
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02 Dec 2021, 1:49 pm

Fnord wrote:
'He' was a PE teacher and football coach.  'Me' was the student he always picked on.

HE: "Be yourself!"

ME: "But every time I try to be myself, you tell me that I am acting like someone else!"

HE: "That's 'cuz you're a smartass."

ME: "So you want me to be a smartass... ?"

HE: "No, I want you to be yourself."

ME: "But you just said..."

HE: "Forget what I just said and do what I tell you!!"

why did he even say "be yourself"?
I've been told to act naturally. I think that can be a good thing to say but do we even know what it means to be yourself and act naturally? I don't think we always do.
I've read a lot about people wanting to make NT people out of us. I am not sure what that means.
"be yourself" sounds a bit like "imagine the audience naked".

I found this:



Fnord
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02 Dec 2021, 2:22 pm

Dandansson wrote:
Fnord wrote:
'He' was a PE teacher and football coach.  'Me' was the student he always picked on.

HE: "Be yourself!"

ME: "But every time I try to be myself, you tell me that I am acting like someone else!"

HE: "That's 'cuz you're a smartass."

ME: "So you want me to be a smartass... ?"

HE: "No, I want you to be yourself."

ME: "But you just said..."

HE: "Forget what I just said and do what I tell you!!"
why did he even say "be yourself"? ...
He also taught Health class, and was giving advice to the guys on how to get girlfriends.  Stupid me ... I just had to ask for his best advice ...



cyberdad
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02 Dec 2021, 4:04 pm

Dandansson wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Here's a tip.

Health Professionals are human like you and me. They aren't gods.
They are prone to the same biases as everybody else,

Treat them as service providers. If you don't feel their service is value for money then ditch them and find another one OR just use professor google to find your answers.

Bias?


Health professionals are prone to bias like the rest of us. It interferes with their objectivity.



CinderashAutomaton
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02 Dec 2021, 4:37 pm

Throughout life you're going to meet all kinds of people who all love to employ the same common tropes of bad advice, like "Be Yourself", regardless of their authority, titles or employment.

In my experience, the less someone addresses and matches the quality and quantity of the issues and arguments you mention, the less likely it is to be helpful. It's a matter of problem solving skills and methods. Using a hammer for a soft-tissue operation is just bad.

That being said, sometimes brief quotes or sayings can hold some useful wisdom that far outweigh the brevity they're presented with. The question is just whether the person is using it properly or not.

I guess my rule of thumb is;

1) the less a person matches the effort you put into your request for help,
2) the more general they are in their approaches, and
3) the less intelligent that person has proven themselves to be (or put another way; the more mistakes they've made)...

...the less likely they are to say something useful.

I encountered sh***y advice far too much growing up and eventually stopped counting on others for useful information. I dealt with that by observing reality and seeking academic sources of knowledge and figuring things out myself based on the things that seemed less wrong...which also brings up another good point; rather than looking for 'truths', taking on the quest of "less wrong" is typically far more effective. For one, absolute truth is practically impossible. The only thing that approaches it are humanity's best efforts...and those are far less accessible than just seeking out what is 'less wrong'.

Philosophy has been probably my biggest aid. It has been the best source I've found distilled of all the useless BS most people typically fall prey to. That's not to say that all products of philosophy are great. Many philosophical systems come from times and people of history that didn't have access to what we do today, and being able to propagate this far through history means many of them have also been subject to the curation of politics and popular opinion.

BUT! They at least present their ideas in a way you can process and use constructively, even if that particular idea isn't suitable for you. Knowing what not to do is also useful. Knowing common fallacies and biases is HUGELY useful. And besides that, there are a LOT of useful ideas to make use of. Ideas that can help you more confidently make decisions.

My sources for philosophy come from all over. I even spent a fair amount of time discussing things with strangers over forums and real-time chat rooms. The source I used and appreciate the most, though, is the philosophybites podcast. That link doesn't include their stuff after 2017, but it's the most recent compilation I could find. You can just browse through the base philosophybites.com page for their latest podcasts. The content of the podcasts don't really expire on the timescale of a decade or two, though, so the vast majority of all their podcasts remain relevant.

Aside from that, psychology and neurology was pretty useful, too, and anything behavior oriented. Even learning about non-human species and their behavior-related biology, evolution and etc was useful in my efforts to establish a better perspective on us humans.


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DeepHour
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03 Dec 2021, 10:21 am

Most 'professional people' are very adequate or excellent at doing their job, in my experience. However, a surprisingly large minority are essentially bluffers, no doubt about that.


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