"Gift of singleness" vs "Gift of aspieness"

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I felt for a long time that the phrase "just be who you are" can be used as an excuse to keep person single and friendless which is a bad thing. And I felt like "neurodiversity" movement is damaging because it is largely responsible for that phrase (which I didn't hear back in the 90-s by the way, but I keep hearing it now). Nobody could relate to me.

But finally I found something that maybe help you to relate. I read on google that there is a concept "gift of singleness" that Protestants are using in order to discourage single people from seeking their significant other. Yes I been told things along this line too, but this time I am not alone: I read that plenty of others view "gift" of singleness as an oppression tool.

This brings me to make the following point: do you think that the concept of "gift of aspieness" is just as damaging as "gift of signleness"? In fact they are parallel: "gift of aspieness" pertains to both friendship and romantic aspects, while "gift of singleness" focuses more on a romantic things. But in both cases the person is telling the OTHER PERSON that they ahve a "gift" yet their OWN behavior shows they don't really mean it, since they won't be wishing that kind of "gift" for themselves.

In the Christian church, the “Gift of Singleness” is bestowed by the Holy Spirit upon those whom G^D chooses to find satisfaction in leading a single life devoted to serving G^D. These chosen people derive happiness from providing for the needs of many, not themselves and/or a family of their own.

If you are unhappy with being single, then you either do not have this gift, or you are not expressing it according to G*D’s will.

Well, they are trying to tell me God wants me to be single when I am CLEARLY unhappy about it. So, apparently, they believe in a "gift of signleness" being applicable to people who don't want to be single, which I find ridiculous.

So what? If you do not like what they are thinking, then stop reading their minds.

I've jokingly said, "oh is that so, can I get the receipt so I can exchange it"

I agree with Fnord, but I think that when most people say it they are not thinking too deeply about it and just trying to be positive and they're saying it because they just don't know what to say to help. They're not keeping you down, they're just throwing what they think is a positive thought at you.

This is what we call a platitude.

"You're weird, but I get on ok with you ok, so just be yourself, I don't know what else to say, try to enjoy being single," that's their thought process.

We tend to overthink what people say.

The thing is, there's a lot you can do being single. You don't have anyone else tying you down. Fnord says he's an elder in his church. I've noticed they tend to be older with families that have grown up and left. A single guy can probably be of use to his church, he doesn't need to wait for his family to grow up, so he's got more free time.

It's the time and freedom that are the gift that you can give to other people who may need it.

I'm enjoying being on my own now. Not actually doing much for church though myself.

This sounds like the most fun protestant idea since the protestant work ethic and the ban on Christmas.

Well in the church of Christ being a virgin for life and being asexual for life is regarded as the ideal for humanity even more so than getting married and having a family.We call it the gift of celibacy so its the same basic concept.I am highly religious and church of Christ who wants to get married one day and have a family but Jesus just has not put the right woman in my life.However if I never get married I will practice the gift of celibacy and be a virgin for the rest of my life.

As far as protestant work ethic, I actually like it. I wanted to be a theoretical physicist since I was 9. So its nice to know that I don't have to "choose between physics and God". On the contrary, they actually "want" me to be diligent in physics, which is nice to know.

Because you see, when I read the Bible on my own, I read Luke 9:57-62, and it sounded as if it made me choose between Jesus and everything else (including physics). I kept asking Christians to re-interpret that verse for me so that I won't feel that it is asking me to give up physics. Given my level of fixation nobody could do it to my satisfaction. Yet they all agreed I can go ahead and continue working hard on physics, and that I took that verse out of context. So I thought that they were just trying to make me feel better. But now that I read about "protestant work ethic" I see that "no they weren't making me feel better; they actually mean it when they said I misinterpretted that passage", which is good to know.

By the way, I think the idea about "choosing between Jesus and physics" and the idea of "choosing between Jesus and dating" has the same sources as far as Bible is concerned. No, they didn't quote Luke 9:57-62, but they quoted Matt 6:33 quite a bit. Now, just like they used Matt 6:33 to tell me I shouldn't worry about dating, that exact verse can also be used to tell someone not to worry about career. Now here is a question: why is it they kept using Matt 6:33 for the former and not for the latter? Could it be because they know I am good at physics but they don't think I am good at dating, so they are just using that verse to dissuade me from doing whatever they think I am bad at? But then that is very dishonest. Why not come out and actually tell me that I am bad at dating and thats why they don't think I should date. I hate it when people are being evasive and beat around the bush.

Now, if someone "did" tell me I am bad at dating so thats why I shouldn't date, I won't accept that answer, I would start arguing. So maybe thats why they don't do it. But thats the whole point: I wish I could have a fighting chance at the arguing so that I could change someone's mind. I hate the idea of being stuck without an important part of my life simply because "I am bad at it" instead of actually "trying to improve".

Oh, and speaking of physics, I remember at least one person -- who is NOT a Christian -- telling me "hey you don't have time for a girlfriend, look at how many classes you are taking". And this pissed me off in a very similar way as the Jesus-related excuse does. In both cases I am being told not to worry about dating because of something else (whether that "something else" is Jesus OR physics). But what is being overlooked here is that there are people that do that other thing (physics or Jesus) AND they are happily married. So telling me that I have to choose is just an excuse to avoid telling me something more hurtful.

As far as "ban on Christmas" thats a whole other story. Coming from Jewish background, I go to Messianic churches as well as other Sabbaterian groups a lot. And most of them are against Christmas. Now me personally I don't feel its wrong to celebrate it because that doesn't involve eating pork or anything. So who cares if Jesus wasn't born on Dec 25, I just don't see any sin. Yet at the same time I also don't feel like it is required either. I view Christmas more of a social thing that I can either do or not do, depending on whatever suits me from the secular point of view each time. However, at the same time, I kinda enjoy hearing Messianics and others being opposed to Christmas because by doing that they are basically telling me that they are sincere in the "Jewishness" of their faith as opposed to simply using it as a marketing tool -- sincere enough to even start conflict with mainstream Christians. Although I realize thats not really what you are talking about. You were more referring to Puritans making ban on Christmas rather than Sabbaterians. So yeah thats a bit of an off-topic. Just felt a need to mention it.

Last edited by QFT on 11 Dec 2021, 9:17 am, edited 3 times in total.

Celibacy is sexy

I think I studied the Protestant Work Ethic a lot in college for sociology and I never have fully agreed with it because I have known so many hard working Roman Catholics in Texas.I am doing my best not to worry about finding a wife because I will meet her when Jesus wants me to.I think it was Max Weber who wrote about the Protestant Work Ethic.

I don't see any contradiction here. You can say that

a) Catholics are working hard for secular reasons rather than religious

b) In case of Protestants their religion tells them to work hard

So they are both working hard, just cite different reasons.



I thought you said your parents forbid you from meeting her. So telling yourself to "wait on Jesus" is self deception. How about addressing the issue with your parents?

There are hard-working Buddhists, too—trust me!

Okay.I guess people like Dave Ramsey and Ramseyites are an example of the Protestant work ethic because they think if you work hard and are wise with your money you will be prosperous financially.Well they are not currently letting me date since I have no income and no money but I am wanting to get married at some point when covid becomes under control so I can find a nice traditional church of Christ woman to marry when it is safe to go to church again.I dont consider waiting on Jesus to be self deception because I think I just need to work on myself and get a job and get my own money before the time comes.My parents do forbid me from dating.Most people including Catholics and Protestants alike I have known just work hard for the same basic reasons which is to provide a roof over their head and food on the table and gas in the gas tank.My family has always worked really hard even though were not Protestant

I was under the impression that Church of Christ is Protestant. It certainly isn’t Roman Catholic.

So are you saying that the concept of "waiting on Jesus" includes being proactive about things (such as earling money etc)? Because thats not the way I took it. I took it as in sitting back, doing nothing, and just "waiting". Thats why it sounded like an excuse.

I was under the same impression as you.

I don't think Texasmoneyman ever said otherwise.