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LoopyBanana
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06 Dec 2021, 11:42 am

I find life with autism so bloody confusing. I know lots of people and they hate me, even though I'm always nice. Why is that? They look at me like I'm diseased and want nothing to do me. Even my own dad hates me. My mum is gone, I miss her so much, she was the only person who understood me. No one else does. I'm sick of being treated like I'm a piece of garbage. Do you guys get the same treatment from people?



Fraser_S
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06 Dec 2021, 11:50 am

Hey yeah, just check out my thread a bit further down. I know exactly what you mean.



Fnord
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06 Dec 2021, 11:55 am

People hate things they either do not understand, or that do not conform to their ideas of what is right and wrong.



WeirdMetronome
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06 Dec 2021, 1:19 pm

Experienced the same thing, although I wouldn't say most people hate me (I think that might be too strong a word). It feels like I must give off some sort of signal somehow that is just enough for other people to recognise that I'm different in some way. Most people don't like different, so they don't like me.

I've yet to find a solution :(



HeroOfHyrule
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06 Dec 2021, 1:23 pm

I've experienced this, too. I try to be nice to people and do my best to socialize properly, but everyone just dislikes me anyways.



kraftiekortie
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06 Dec 2021, 1:24 pm

Well....we're above the fray....because we don't hate THEM.....



Fnord
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06 Dec 2021, 1:26 pm

I stopped worrying about being liked a long time ago.

Soon thereafter, people started expressing their "like" for me.



AprilR
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06 Dec 2021, 1:26 pm

If you don't get out of your way to be rude to someone there is no reason to feel bad about it.

People dislike and hate others without reason that doesn't reflect anything about you if your behavior is kind and careful.



Joe90
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06 Dec 2021, 4:43 pm

"Hate" is a strong word. I think just a lot of people don't care or don't understand.


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ToughDiamond
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06 Dec 2021, 9:58 pm

They're used to people being able to second-guess their feelings and to respond appropriately, they're used to people who can more easily take an interest in their interests, people who understand the social rules better than we do. We often seem aloof, into our own heads. We often don't seem very outgoing or personable. And a lot of people are easily weirded-out by anybody who doesn't fit the kind of behavioural patterns they expect of a "normal" person. So it's not surprising that they don't always seem to like us. We're also often easy targets for the kind of person who likes to have a scapegoat to kick.



Joe90
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07 Dec 2021, 12:41 am

Post deleted.


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Last edited by Joe90 on 07 Dec 2021, 1:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fraser_S
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07 Dec 2021, 1:22 am

Joe90 wrote:
Autism is a disease because now scientists are saying autism is an autoimmune disease and more likely to die from covid or have shortened life spans.


It's not exactly a breaking revelation. The auto-immune thing has been known about for quite some time. We're all pre-disposed to higher levels of internal inflammation (and also external for many of us with chronic skin conditions).

The good news however is that many of the symptoms associated with auto-immunity can be controlled by identifying and avoiding specific triggers. The most common culprits being things like Gluten, Lactose and refined sugars. Even stress is known to be a contributing factor.

Our life spans don't need to be shortened. Many of us are simply trapped in a cycle of consuming things that we already know are detrimental to our health and our brain function. We do it because we feel bad about ourselves, but we feel bad about ourselves because we do it.



Edna3362
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07 Dec 2021, 1:29 am

Once upon a time, so is my mom.

Out of sheer ignorance, beaten me out of misinterpretation, confusion and the ever limiting knowledge of what parents supposed to 'react'.

Until she realized I'm not "normal". That "normal" methods do not work with me, it only made me worse.
Later realizing that I also do not have "normal" needs and desires, that I'm not some lonely soul crying for friends and "normal" life.

So I'll just do the deeper ND knowledge myself, instead of depending on my parents for answers. I've been growing ever since.


Well, I also do my part towards the world at large. Not by being 'nice' or acting "normal".
But by being knowledgeable and responsible about the cultures and situations I'm surrounded with, then naturally grow from there.

There's being authentic. But there's also being ignorant and helpless.
I do not like living in ignorance and helplessness.


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Aspinator
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07 Dec 2021, 1:49 am

IMO, it is because most people don't differeniate between different levels of autism. It doesn't matter if a person is a low functioning or high functioning. We are all grouped together.



carlos55
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07 Dec 2021, 4:31 am

LoopyBanana wrote:
I find life with autism so bloody confusing. I know lots of people and they hate me, even though I'm always nice. Why is that? They look at me like I'm diseased and want nothing to do me. Even my own dad hates me. My mum is gone, I miss her so much, she was the only person who understood me. No one else does. I'm sick of being treated like I'm a piece of garbage. Do you guys get the same treatment from people?


Hate is a strong word, few if any “hate” autistic people though they probably hate autism as a condition which is a different.

Do autistic people have angry mobs outside their home that needs to be held back by cops? Do they regularly get chased out of town by angry men with guns? Are there vigilante groups that hunt down autistic people to attack them? Do mothers clutch their children & cross the road when they see someone, they know to be autistic walking towards them? The answer to all of these is NO.

I’ve experienced this mild shunning myself & it’s sad but I’ve come to realise its really about connection or lack of it & not having anything to offer the other person, not actual hate.

That’s why the whole savant thing gets mentioned a lot, its entertainment or a skill that offers something, whether a laugh, something useful or just brief curiosity. Take that away and there is nothing left to be interested in or offer the other person.

I’m sure your dad probably doesn’t hate you, rather probably finds meaningful conversation i.e., connection & bonding difficult because of your communication disability.

It the same with elderly people with advanced dementia, where they can’t remember things. Their family avoids visiting them in a care home not because they don’t love them but because it hurts them seeing their loved going through such difficulties and the condition means they can’t connect to them anymore.

Its really as simple as that I’m afraid.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Dec 2021, 8:13 am

Not everyone acts like they hate me, although plenty do

In some ways, it helps to live in a diverse area



Some precious lil "people" act subconsciously biased against my worthless corpse.

For example, some of them stare at me. They didn't tell me why. Some security guards kept following me around like I was trying to Petty Larceny. (I get the impression that they suspect me, more often than others, all things equal)

Not a controlled experiment

Not a representative sample



Anyone could hate anyone for any reason or no reason. They don't have to have a reason good enough for your standards

Not everyone likes the same thing

"Discrimination" is illegal. However, it is not discrimination unless someone is in a position of authority over you. For example, if someone doesn't want to be your friend because of homophobia, or fatphobia, that is not discrimination


Maybe you just rub someone the wrong way. Doesn't mean you or they did anything bad or wrong

Maybe you give off bad vibes





Hatred, disrespect, and rudeness are not illegal. However, even if it is illegal, you can't do anything about it unless you win a civil lawsuit.


Some precious lil "people" are racist, sexist or homophobic

Everyone has subconscious biases

Even the way I walk is different from others

However, sometimes someone finds something uncomfortable to be around. Discomfort sometimes is natural, involuntary or subconscious

My worthless corpse constantly getting overpowered, outsmarted, outnumbered

Some precious lil "people" act like they are being nice, but it is just a farce or facade

Not enough information to answer the question of "why"

They might not know the answer "why" either

They don't have to tell me

Even if they told me, there might not be anything I could do about it

Even if there were something I could do about it, my worthless corpse already 38

38 pretty old