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Angnix
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06 Dec 2021, 2:38 pm

I mean, moving back to my old county they're doing a good job adjusting my meds, but they're being bossy to me.

First up is them keep suggesting I go to the drop-in center, a social place for the mentally ill... But ummm I met my former husband there, most of the people I don't get along with etc... I mean also it's getting really cold outside, it's not very far away but still I don't wanna pay for bus rides there. I'm telling them Im fine spending time alone, socializing in the internet. Plus when I get too social, I get involved in others problems and they drag me into them...

Why do they try to make autistics social???

The second one, the doc asked about my sleeping patterns, I stay up late, get up late... She told me going to bed after 11 was really bad for my mental health and I need to change...

Seriously I still get 8 hours of sleep, I'm 39yo, please stop treating me like a kid... :?


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AngelL
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06 Dec 2021, 2:53 pm

It has been my experience that there are so many pDocs who get into the field to escape their own mental health issues. i.e., With all these letters after my name, I must be okay!

If you are getting eight hours of sleep per night, you are so far ahead of the curve that it is foolish, of your Doc, to not just accept that as a very large win and let it go, in my opinion. One could certainly make the argument re: circadian rhythms et al but seriously, the cup is way, way more than halfway full. As for the socialization aspect, I just wrote this in my journal and thought you may relate. I hadn't actually planned on anyone reading this when I wrote it so please forgive the 'best in the world' comment if you like. :oops: Too, I often share journal entries with my therapist and so when I speak about 'our session' that would be the reference.

In the game of solitaire, if I asked, I can explain what mathematical-based advantage prompted me to make the move I did, at any time. It’s what makes me, very probably, the best solitaire player in the world. Of course, I’m not perfect. It isn’t about being perfect; I know I’ll never achieve perfection. But, it is about getting close enough to perfect to make God blink. I socialize the same way.

I’m calculating – she’s having a conversation. Judging from her physical signals, she thinks we’ve bonded; and frankly, I’m hopeful as I head home, unpacking or processing as I go. I don’t know if I like her. The only thing I know about her at that point is her physical appearance, which is of the least importance to me.

As I unpack this, I’m experiencing a recording of the conversation, she and I just had. I’m hearing her for the first time. I’m also personally feeling the emotional impact of her words for the first time. Despite even a strong display of surprise or humor, indignation or anger by me – I was simply mirroring the other person’s presence through their words, tone, intonation, facial expressions, body language, etc. Classical acting as opposed to method acting. In addition to hearing and feeling, I’m thinking about the dialogue. Where I might have gone off track, if that error had fallout? Why she chose to say ‘it’ that way, with the emotional double entendre? Finally, I arrive at the unmistakable conclusion; she likes me. And, I’ve decided, I like her too.

That is awesome! It is also thirty-five minutes later, I’m in front of my home, and I didn’t give her number because… After the thirty-five-minute conversation she and I had, I had no idea she liked me. I’m sorry, wasn’t the question, “Why don’t you go out and meet some people?” I go through life, like I play solitaire. Solitaire is a diversion because it is my experience of life, without consequences and hence, anxiety. Solitaire is my Prozac. It has all the drawbacks, too. Eliminate anxiety and with it, anticipation and excitement for life. Balance, like life itself, isn’t static. I’m constantly questioning where the line is so I make sure we don’t go over it.

Anyway, that’s how I go through life. I’m calculating constantly. It’s how I have conversations in real time fluidly. I am not feeling the words coming out of my mouth, they’re coming from the computer brain. I’m constantly calculating what you said and what it means, while calculating your body language and facial expressions. Then I can start calculating what I’m going to say, in what tone of voice along with my body language and facial expressions. That’s the reason, that so often I come back in our next session asking for clarification. It’s because I didn’t hear it when we were together, I downloaded it once it was over.



_cora_
Snowy Owl
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06 Dec 2021, 3:04 pm

That's just how doctors be... They never listen to you, and act like they're the first to tell you anything they say. Ignore what you don't wanna do. You know yourself better than them. :roll:



apex116
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06 Dec 2021, 5:38 pm

AngelL wrote:
It has been my experience that there are so many pDocs who get into the field to escape their own mental health issues. i.e., With all these letters after my name, I must be okay!

If you are getting eight hours of sleep per night, you are so far ahead of the curve that it is foolish, of your Doc, to not just accept that as a very large win and let it go, in my opinion. One could certainly make the argument re: circadian rhythms et al but seriously, the cup is way, way more than halfway full. As for the socialization aspect, I just wrote this in my journal and thought you may relate. I hadn't actually planned on anyone reading this when I wrote it so please forgive the 'best in the world' comment if you like. :oops: Too, I often share journal entries with my therapist and so when I speak about 'our session' that would be the reference.

In the game of solitaire, if I asked, I can explain what mathematical-based advantage prompted me to make the move I did, at any time. It’s what makes me, very probably, the best solitaire player in the world. Of course, I’m not perfect. It isn’t about being perfect; I know I’ll never achieve perfection. But, it is about getting close enough to perfect to make God blink. I socialize the same way.

I’m calculating – she’s having a conversation. Judging from her physical signals, she thinks we’ve bonded; and frankly, I’m hopeful as I head home, unpacking or processing as I go. I don’t know if I like her. The only thing I know about her at that point is her physical appearance, which is of the least importance to me.

As I unpack this, I’m experiencing a recording of the conversation, she and I just had. I’m hearing her for the first time. I’m also personally feeling the emotional impact of her words for the first time. Despite even a strong display of surprise or humor, indignation or anger by me – I was simply mirroring the other person’s presence through their words, tone, intonation, facial expressions, body language, etc. Classical acting as opposed to method acting. In addition to hearing and feeling, I’m thinking about the dialogue. Where I might have gone off track, if that error had fallout? Why she chose to say ‘it’ that way, with the emotional double entendre? Finally, I arrive at the unmistakable conclusion; she likes me. And, I’ve decided, I like her too.

That is awesome! It is also thirty-five minutes later, I’m in front of my home, and I didn’t give her number because… After the thirty-five-minute conversation she and I had, I had no idea she liked me. I’m sorry, wasn’t the question, “Why don’t you go out and meet some people?” I go through life, like I play solitaire. Solitaire is a diversion because it is my experience of life, without consequences and hence, anxiety. Solitaire is my Prozac. It has all the drawbacks, too. Eliminate anxiety and with it, anticipation and excitement for life. Balance, like life itself, isn’t static. I’m constantly questioning where the line is so I make sure we don’t go over it.

Anyway, that’s how I go through life. I’m calculating constantly. It’s how I have conversations in real time fluidly. I am not feeling the words coming out of my mouth, they’re coming from the computer brain. I’m constantly calculating what you said and what it means, while calculating your body language and facial expressions. Then I can start calculating what I’m going to say, in what tone of voice along with my body language and facial expressions. That’s the reason, that so often I come back in our next session asking for clarification. It’s because I didn’t hear it when we were together, I downloaded it once it was over.


That is a really elegant and beautiful way of explaining this, could I ask what your background is?



apex116
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06 Dec 2021, 5:40 pm

_cora_ wrote:
That's just how doctors be... They never listen to you, and act like they're the first to tell you anything they say. Ignore what you don't wanna do. You know yourself better than them. :roll:


Yes that can be a real pain in the backside - Here's a guide which should help guide you moving forwards:

https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/features/be-heard-by-dr



apex116
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06 Dec 2021, 5:43 pm

Angnix wrote:
I mean, moving back to my old county they're doing a good job adjusting my meds, but they're being bossy to me.

First up is them keep suggesting I go to the drop-in center, a social place for the mentally ill... But ummm I met my former husband there, most of the people I don't get along with etc... I mean also it's getting really cold outside, it's not very far away but still I don't wanna pay for bus rides there. I'm telling them Im fine spending time alone, socializing in the internet. Plus when I get too social, I get involved in others problems and they drag me into them...

Why do they try to make autistics social???

The second one, the doc asked about my sleeping patterns, I stay up late, get up late... She told me going to bed after 11 was really bad for my mental health and I need to change...

Seriously I still get 8 hours of sleep, I'm 39yo, please stop treating me like a kid... :?



I respect you are an adult, there are in fact a lack of resources available for why they are wrongly forcing adult Autistic people to socialise; here is one of them:

https://theconversation.com/children-with-autism-shouldnt-be-forced-to-socialise-44585



AngelL
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06 Dec 2021, 6:21 pm

apex116 wrote:
That is a really elegant and beautiful way of explaining this, could I ask what your background is?


Thank you. I'm not sure if you're referring to my educational background or something else but education-wise, math and physics. I never used either of them formally, although the math came in handy with my eventual career choice as a professional poker player (24 years, retired now). I have written two books though and my special interests include psychology as it pertains to understanding others as well as hacking my brain, and Zen.



apex116
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06 Dec 2021, 6:23 pm

AngelL wrote:
apex116 wrote:
That is a really elegant and beautiful way of explaining this, could I ask what your background is?


Thank you. I'm not sure if you're referring to my educational background or something else but education-wise, math and physics. I never used either of them formally, although the math came in handy with my eventual career choice as a professional poker player (24 years, retired now). I have written two books though and my special interests include psychology as it pertains to understanding others as well as hacking my brain, and Zen.


I'm very proud of you, I'm sure most neurotypicals can only envy the success that you have had in your life.

It's almost as if autistic people make good liars as poker players :o



shortfatbalduglyman
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06 Dec 2021, 6:53 pm

_cora_ wrote:
That's just how doctors be... They never listen to you, and act like they're the first to tell you anything they say. Ignore what you don't wanna do. You know yourself better than them. :roll:


Some doctors refuse to believe the slightest thing I said, like I have never taken illegal drugs. He was like "everyone in (city) does drugs.

They say "you say", "you think" , "for you"

But they expect me to blindly believe and obey every last noise that comes out their stupidass traps

They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their head is the latest greatest scientific invention



Then when noise pollution comes out of my beak, they half listen and grunt "huh" and "what" like they are the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"


The psychotherapists field is the diagnostic statistical manual, not relationship and emotions


Psychotherapists have felony convictions, psychiatric diagnosis, stock market investments, and subconscious biases, just like everyone else


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Joe90
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06 Dec 2021, 8:13 pm

I know how you feel. I'm a sociable person but at the moment I'm going through a rough time (dealing with the death of my mother) and I feel happier when indoors where I can feel safe, and to socialise I prefer to phone people or go to their houses or they come to mine, or I go online like WP and Facebook, and I talk to my boyfriend (who I live with). That's good enough for me at the moment. But some people think that the cure for depression is to go out to noisy, crowded bars. Personally I think that makes depression worse (whether you're on the spectrum or not) and there are plenty of other ways one can be social.


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IsabellaLinton
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06 Dec 2021, 8:24 pm

Angnix wrote:
I mean, moving back to my old county they're doing a good job adjusting my meds, but they're being bossy to me.

First up is them keep suggesting I go to the drop-in center, a social place for the mentally ill... But ummm I met my former husband there, most of the people I don't get along with etc... I mean also it's getting really cold outside, it's not very far away but still I don't wanna pay for bus rides there. I'm telling them Im fine spending time alone, socializing in the internet. Plus when I get too social, I get involved in others problems and they drag me into them...



Who is "they" ?

Suggestions don't mean anything. You don't need to do anything you don't want to do, apart from medical treatment.

After my stroke when I was still using a walker, the Rehab Social Worker tried to bully me into joining a social group for stroke recovery patients near my house. The kind where you drop in and play cards or sit on uncomfortable chairs drinking bad, lukewarm tea. She couldn't believe I would rather sit home doing nothing or relaxing than socialising with a bunch of strangers who were likely 30 years older than I was. At first I made excuses but I finally realised it's none of her bloody business how I spend my time, and I didn't have to listen to her.

You have good reasons not to go, even though you have no obligation to explain yourself. On top of everything else, what about Covid? Why would people be meeting in groups during Covid?



theprisoner
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06 Dec 2021, 8:31 pm

Socializing is tolerable in moderation .I have always felt more comfortable alone . i need a certain amount of 'decompression 'time. of course if you talking back and forth with somebody real life for e.g., you can get real good energy. but i always need that alone time to counterbalance it all out. I think that's the case for most here. "you need to be more social" ="you need to be more like us"


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Edna3362
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07 Dec 2021, 1:42 am

There's are assumptions about where a lot of developmental growth and health comes from socializing.

Never taking account on the negative effects and undesirable factors -- toxic people, dangerous crowds, detrimental dynamics, abusive relationships...


Thankfully my mom stopped trying at late high school. Thankfully no one's coercing me out of whatever what's in my mind.

No one needs to tell me to be more social anymore.
How and when I socialize and say 'yes' to an invitation is my business. Having no need to explain why I say 'no' unless I say it.


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Benjamin the Donkey
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07 Dec 2021, 8:31 am

AngelL wrote:
It has been my experience that there are so many pDocs who get into the field to escape their own mental health issues. i.e., With all these letters after my name, I must be okay!

If you are getting eight hours of sleep per night, you are so far ahead of the curve that it is foolish, of your Doc, to not just accept that as a very large win and let it go, in my opinion. One could certainly make the argument re: circadian rhythms et al but seriously, the cup is way, way more than halfway full. As for the socialization aspect, I just wrote this in my journal and thought you may relate. I hadn't actually planned on anyone reading this when I wrote it so please forgive the 'best in the world' comment if you like. :oops: Too, I often share journal entries with my therapist and so when I speak about 'our session' that would be the reference.

In the game of solitaire, if I asked, I can explain what mathematical-based advantage prompted me to make the move I did, at any time. It’s what makes me, very probably, the best solitaire player in the world. Of course, I’m not perfect. It isn’t about being perfect; I know I’ll never achieve perfection. But, it is about getting close enough to perfect to make God blink. I socialize the same way.

I’m calculating – she’s having a conversation. Judging from her physical signals, she thinks we’ve bonded; and frankly, I’m hopeful as I head home, unpacking or processing as I go. I don’t know if I like her. The only thing I know about her at that point is her physical appearance, which is of the least importance to me.

As I unpack this, I’m experiencing a recording of the conversation, she and I just had. I’m hearing her for the first time. I’m also personally feeling the emotional impact of her words for the first time. Despite even a strong display of surprise or humor, indignation or anger by me – I was simply mirroring the other person’s presence through their words, tone, intonation, facial expressions, body language, etc. Classical acting as opposed to method acting. In addition to hearing and feeling, I’m thinking about the dialogue. Where I might have gone off track, if that error had fallout? Why she chose to say ‘it’ that way, with the emotional double entendre? Finally, I arrive at the unmistakable conclusion; she likes me. And, I’ve decided, I like her too.

That is awesome! It is also thirty-five minutes later, I’m in front of my home, and I didn’t give her number because… After the thirty-five-minute conversation she and I had, I had no idea she liked me. I’m sorry, wasn’t the question, “Why don’t you go out and meet some people?” I go through life, like I play solitaire. Solitaire is a diversion because it is my experience of life, without consequences and hence, anxiety. Solitaire is my Prozac. It has all the drawbacks, too. Eliminate anxiety and with it, anticipation and excitement for life. Balance, like life itself, isn’t static. I’m constantly questioning where the line is so I make sure we don’t go over it.

Anyway, that’s how I go through life. I’m calculating constantly. It’s how I have conversations in real time fluidly. I am not feeling the words coming out of my mouth, they’re coming from the computer brain. I’m constantly calculating what you said and what it means, while calculating your body language and facial expressions. Then I can start calculating what I’m going to say, in what tone of voice along with my body language and facial expressions. That’s the reason, that so often I come back in our next session asking for clarification. It’s because I didn’t hear it when we were together, I downloaded it once it was over.

This is very familiar.


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Ade C
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07 Dec 2021, 2:18 pm

_cora_ wrote:
That's just how doctors be... They never listen to you, and act like they're the first to tell you anything they say. Ignore what you don't wanna do. You know yourself better than them. :roll:

I've worked with doctors for 20 years and that's the best description I've heard yet!



rse92
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07 Dec 2021, 2:30 pm

Ade C wrote:
_cora_ wrote:
That's just how doctors be... They never listen to you, and act like they're the first to tell you anything they say. Ignore what you don't wanna do. You know yourself better than them. :roll:

I've worked with doctors for 20 years and that's the best description I've heard yet!


As a lawyer, I can tell you doctors and medical practices can be some of the most difficult clients.

Every doctor thinks he or she is smarter than their lawyer by dint of going to medical school, and they often do not accept that the laws of the legal universe apply to them or should apply to them.

Also, every doctor still has the first dollar he or she made, and naturally they want champagne legal advice on a malt duck budget.