auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,699
Location: the island of defective toy santas
07 Dec 2021, 8:25 pm
07 Dec 2021, 8:40 pm
Fnord wrote:
Mark Burns wrote:
"All Laws Contrary to God's Word Must Be Overturned"
Dear Mr. Burns,Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding G^D's Law.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
3) Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can I not own Canadians?
4) I would like to purchase my neighbor's daughter to be a household slave, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price to offer for her?
5) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I do not agree. Can you settle this?
7) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of G^D if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?9) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean; but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10) My cousin has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton / polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24:10-16) Could not we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that G^D's word is eternal and unchanging.
Respectfully,
Fnord, the Metasyntactic Variable
For Leviticus alone, the Bible, or at least the Old Testament, should be tossed.
(I much enjoy your sense of humor.)
07 Dec 2021, 8:42 pm
07 Dec 2021, 8:44 pm
Fnord wrote:
Descartes wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Descartes wrote:
So says a GOP (what did you expect) Congressional candidate from South Carolina. [...] You will also be surprised to learn that this guy is a Trump cultist. We need to expose these fascists at every turn. It's sadly ironic how somebody running for Congress has no idea what the Constitution means.
Pastor Mark Burns claimed to have held a bachelor of science degree from North Greenville University and claimed to have served six years in the U.S. Army Reserve. These are both lies.In August 2016, those claims were disproved by CNN. Burns attended North Greenville University for one semester and did not receive a degree. Burns served from 2001 to 2005 in the South Carolina Army National Guard, which is unrelated to the Army Reserve. Later he admitted that he had lied about his education, but said he was attacked because he is "a black man supporting Donald Trump for president." Exposing lies is not an attack, unless one's whole identity is based upon deception.
Yes, that is sarcasm.That explains why they tend to be such perverts.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,699
Location: the island of defective toy santas
07 Dec 2021, 8:45 pm
07 Dec 2021, 8:48 pm
07 Dec 2021, 9:57 pm
blazingstar wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Mark Burns wrote:
"All Laws Contrary to God's Word Must Be Overturned"
Dear Mr. Burns,Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding G^D's Law.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
3) Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can I not own Canadians?
4) I would like to purchase my neighbor's daughter to be a household slave, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price to offer for her?
5) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I do not agree. Can you settle this?
7) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of G^D if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?9) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean; but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10) My cousin has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton / polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24:10-16) Could not we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that G^D's word is eternal and unchanging.
Respectfully,
Fnord, the Metasyntactic Variable
For Leviticus alone, the Bible, or at least the Old Testament, should be tossed.
(I much enjoy your sense of humor.)
I wonder if the Republican thinks its easy for people on the Forbes 400 to get to Heaven
09 Dec 2021, 8:10 pm
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Mark Burns wrote:
"All Laws Contrary to God's Word Must Be Overturned"
Dear Mr. Burns,Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding G^D's Law.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
1) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
3) Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can I not own Canadians?
4) I would like to purchase my neighbor's daughter to be a household slave, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price to offer for her?
5) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
6) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I do not agree. Can you settle this?
7) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of G^D if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?9) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean; but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10) My cousin has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton / polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24:10-16) Could not we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that G^D's word is eternal and unchanging.
Respectfully,
Fnord, the Metasyntactic Variable
For Leviticus alone, the Bible, or at least the Old Testament, should be tossed.
(I much enjoy your sense of humor.)
I wonder if the Republican thinks its easy for people on the Forbes 400 to get to Heaven
I suppose they forgot the bit about passing through the eye of a needle.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,699
Location: the island of defective toy santas
09 Dec 2021, 10:14 pm
12 Dec 2021, 2:33 pm
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
12 Dec 2021, 5:17 pm
12 Dec 2021, 5:21 pm
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,699
Location: the island of defective toy santas
12 Dec 2021, 5:23 pm
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