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Should I be disappointed that my gf makes fancy dinners?

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kraftiekortie
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21 Dec 2021, 7:11 pm

Yes, it’s a pretty good analogy.



cyberdad
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21 Dec 2021, 7:14 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well I guess I just feel it comes off as kind of pretentious to make fancy elaborate dinners all the time, if that makes sense?

Maybe this is a good analogy... Let's say your gf wanted to dress up really nice every date almost, like as if she was going to a wedding, or to a big awards ceremony, or something like that. And it took her two hours to get ready each time, even though all you are doing is hanging out at her place or your place and not even going out, and you've been dating for a few months. Wouldn't it get kind of to where you were thinking it was not necessary to spend that much time getting ready, when that time can be put towards spending time with the boyfriend on the date, so the date isn't so rushed as a result afterwards? Isn't it kind of pretentious if you are not even going out and not even out to impress a big crowd?

If that makes sense as an anology?


Ok, so she wants formal dinners every night with candles and a long-ass hardwood dining table and the finest crockery? So its not just the cooking.



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21 Dec 2021, 7:30 pm

cyberdad wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well I guess I just feel it comes off as kind of pretentious to make fancy elaborate dinners all the time, if that makes sense?

Maybe this is a good analogy... Let's say your gf wanted to dress up really nice every date almost, like as if she was going to a wedding, or to a big awards ceremony, or something like that. And it took her two hours to get ready each time, even though all you are doing is hanging out at her place or your place and not even going out, and you've been dating for a few months. Wouldn't it get kind of to where you were thinking it was not necessary to spend that much time getting ready, when that time can be put towards spending time with the boyfriend on the date, so the date isn't so rushed as a result afterwards? Isn't it kind of pretentious if you are not even going out and not even out to impress a big crowd?

If that makes sense as an anology?


Ok, so she wants formal dinners every night with candles and a long-ass hardwood dining table and the finest crockery? So its not just the cooking.


Well I wouldn't say candles or crockery as all the elaborateness is going into the food itself, but otherwise yes. She just uses the table she already has there.



cyberdad
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21 Dec 2021, 8:37 pm

ironpony wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well I guess I just feel it comes off as kind of pretentious to make fancy elaborate dinners all the time, if that makes sense?

Maybe this is a good analogy... Let's say your gf wanted to dress up really nice every date almost, like as if she was going to a wedding, or to a big awards ceremony, or something like that. And it took her two hours to get ready each time, even though all you are doing is hanging out at her place or your place and not even going out, and you've been dating for a few months. Wouldn't it get kind of to where you were thinking it was not necessary to spend that much time getting ready, when that time can be put towards spending time with the boyfriend on the date, so the date isn't so rushed as a result afterwards? Isn't it kind of pretentious if you are not even going out and not even out to impress a big crowd?

If that makes sense as an anology?


Ok, so she wants formal dinners every night with candles and a long-ass hardwood dining table and the finest crockery? So its not just the cooking.


Well I wouldn't say candles or crockery as all the elaborateness is going into the food itself, but otherwise yes. She just uses the table she already has there.


semi-formal then? does she like period dramas? perhaps it's a lifestyle choice?



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21 Dec 2021, 8:41 pm

You mean like period drama movies? Sometimes, but it's not her go to genre. She likes comedies the most. Semi-formal is more like it. I guess it's a lifestyle choice.



cyberdad
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21 Dec 2021, 8:42 pm

ironpony wrote:
You mean like period drama movies? Sometimes, but it's not her go to genre. She likes comedies the most. Semi-formal is more like it. I guess it's a lifestyle choice.


I think so too. Have you told her it's a little unusual? how does she respond?



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21 Dec 2021, 8:45 pm

She just says she is really picky about her meals, and she is tired of eating the food she had to growing up. She didn't grow up the best, but to go to such elaborate fanciness, just seems like an overreaction, when there is still other good meals out there, that would not take near as long to make. Or at least that is how I see it. I could talk to her about it more, but that's what she said.



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22 Dec 2021, 8:32 am

I'm curious now. What kind of recipes does she cook? Might give me some ideas.

I'm making celeriac and apple soup right now.



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22 Dec 2021, 9:40 am

Since she's on the Spectrum I'll guess you shouldn't expect dramatic, sudden changes. Since there's a Pandemic I'll guess eating nice meals she prepares is better than many of the available alternatives.

I'd try for small changes, introduced gradually. Can the two of you watch a half-hour of something in an evening in addition to meal preparation and consumption? Can you participate in any way in meal preparation (probably not)? Can you talk to her and play music for the both of you while she's preparing the meal?

Can she think of any one-time things the two of you could do together? Can you later try to make it a twice-time thing? (Remember the Pandemic. She might want to be cautious.)


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ironpony
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22 Dec 2021, 9:34 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I'm curious now. What kind of recipes does she cook? Might give me some ideas.

I'm making celeriac and apple soup right now.


She makes a lot of Asian style dishes, but not sure what they are called exactly.

I guess it seems other people say this is a good thing, and do most guys just want a Martha Steward type woman perhaps?



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23 Dec 2021, 12:22 am

ironpony wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm curious now. What kind of recipes does she cook? Might give me some ideas.

I'm making celeriac and apple soup right now.


She makes a lot of Asian style dishes, but not sure what they are called exactly.

I guess it seems other people say this is a good thing, and do most guys just want a Martha Steward type woman perhaps?


Asian-Asian or Asian-fusion?

You can be creative with Asian at home using take out



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23 Dec 2021, 10:19 am

cyberdad wrote:
You can be creative with Asian at home using take out
Agreed. But he reports she is on the Spectrum. While I have no way to know for sure, one way or the other, it seems possible to me it is not the final meal that is important to her. Rather, the process of preparation might be what she feels a need for. If so other activities would have to be introduced gradually  but that might not be necessary if the need to prepare elaborate meals is due to some temporary issue (the Pandemic, stress at work, family problems, etc.).

ironpony called her as his "Gf" so I assume he serves some purpose for her rather than just helping her get rid of the food.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Dec 2021, 10:21 am

No way! No Martha Stewart! She is my worst nightmare!



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23 Dec 2021, 10:57 am

ironpony wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I'm curious now. What kind of recipes does she cook? Might give me some ideas.

I'm making celeriac and apple soup right now.


She makes a lot of Asian style dishes, but not sure what they are called exactly.

I guess it seems other people say this is a good thing, and do most guys just want a Martha Steward type woman perhaps?


"What most guys want" merely gives you an outsider's perspective. The bottom line is: this is your relationship, and if your meals and entertainment are too repetitive for you (and therefore not entertaining), then the two of you have a valid problem.

You need to talk it out with your girlfriend and let her know that while you appreciate the tremendous care and effort she puts into your meals, you need to do something different at least now and then. If she really isn't capable of making/willing to make that compromise, then you're not a partner--you're an audience.

You don't have to stick with something just because other guys might like it--it's not their life!



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23 Dec 2021, 1:22 pm

Your girlfriend enjoys making nice dinners for the two of you. Excuse me, I need to break out the world's smallest violin.



cyberdad
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24 Dec 2021, 12:10 am

Double Retired wrote:
Rather, the process of preparation might be what she feels a need for. If so other activities would have to be introduced gradually  but that might not be necessary if the need to prepare elaborate meals is due to some temporary issue (the Pandemic, stress at work, family problems, etc.).


I've triangulated ironpony's posts and it seems to be a combination
- sourcing
- process of cooking
- final presentation
- fine dining in a formal setting

However, I agree the primary reason behind the compulsion is the process. It's possible the rest of it (sitting in a formal setting at the table with polite conversation and eating while listening to the tingle of crockery) is an incentive for her to convince herself that it's all been worth the effort.