What are your red flags in relationships?

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Fnord
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11 Dec 2021, 10:50 pm

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
There is this church of Christ teaching that you are not supposed to be unequally yoked in marriage so you are right I am not willing to marry someone with significantly different priorities,beliefs and opinions and goals in life.I am forbidden by the church of Christ to be unequally yoked in marriage.We would have to agree on every major issue to give our marriage the best chance of making it.I am also unwilling to marry someone if they dont agree to a prenup early on in the dating process.
How sad for you.



IsabellaLinton
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11 Dec 2021, 10:55 pm

Fnord wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
There is this church of Christ teaching that you are not supposed to be unequally yoked in marriage so you are right I am not willing to marry someone with significantly different priorities,beliefs and opinions and goals in life.I am forbidden by the church of Christ to be unequally yoked in marriage.We would have to agree on every major issue to give our marriage the best chance of making it.I am also unwilling to marry someone if they dont agree to a prenup early on in the dating process.
How sad for you.



I'm sorry to hear your religion is so prescriptive. I thought the goal of religion was love and acceptance.

Prenups and cohabitation agreements are a useless expense, because they can be challenged by either party in a court of law at any time after signing. They aren't worth the paper they're written on. In fact, they will often make a divorce cost more than if you didn't have one.


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Fnord
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11 Dec 2021, 11:06 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
There is this church of Christ teaching that you are not supposed to be unequally yoked in marriage so you are right I am not willing to marry someone with significantly different priorities,beliefs and opinions and goals in life.I am forbidden by the church of Christ to be unequally yoked in marriage.We would have to agree on every major issue to give our marriage the best chance of making it.I am also unwilling to marry someone if they dont agree to a prenup early on in the dating process.
How sad for you.
I'm sorry to hear your religion is so prescriptive. I thought the goal of religion was love and acceptance.

Prenups and cohabitation agreements are a useless expense, because they can be challenged by either party in a court of law at any time after signing. They aren't worth the paper they're written on. In fact, they will often make a divorce cost more than if you didn't have one.
Are you talking to me, Bella?



IsabellaLinton
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11 Dec 2021, 11:09 pm

Fnord wrote:
Are you talking to me, Bella?


No. I'm responding to Texas because he said he wouldn't marry anyone without a prenup, and specifically a prenup "early on in the dating process" which wouldn't even be admissible in a court of law.


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Fnord
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11 Dec 2021, 11:14 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Are you talking to me, Bella?
No. I'm responding to Texas because he said he wouldn't marry anyone without a prenup, and specifically a prenup "early on in the dating process" which wouldn't even be admissible in a court of law.
Thanks.

Letting a self-appointed religious leader dictate the conditions of someone's marriage when that person has little (if any) chance of finding a woman who is willing to meet those conditions seems to defeat the whole purpose.  I mean, the woman would not be marrying the church, now would she?

Besides, what self-respecting woman would surrender her own autonomy just to please a man whose parents run his life?



theprisoner
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11 Dec 2021, 11:42 pm

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
Its a giant red flag and a deal breaker if she is not set willing to set up a dynasty trust that provides a living for every member of our family thousands of years into the future.It is a dealbreaker if she is not willing to be like the typical American millionaire and if she is not willing to spend like the typical American millionaire by living the Everyday Millionaire lifestyle.its a dealbreaker if she is not willing to buy the clothes of a typical average American millionaire.Its a deal breaker if she does not have dark or blonde hair.


Is this supposed to be satire


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cyberdad
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12 Dec 2021, 1:01 am

Fnord wrote:
Besides, what self-respecting woman would surrender her own autonomy just to please a man whose parents run his life?[/color]


It's already hard enough as it is to find a life partner. This just makes it doubly worse.



Texasmoneyman300
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12 Dec 2021, 3:04 am

I am really am sorry for not knowing the proper defintion of a red flag for this thread.I just confused.My biggest red flag if she is a felon or uses drugs or is a drunk or has a domestic violence conviction or has a DWI/DUI conviction.I think those are some red flags that meet a more reasonable defition.Sorry guys my bad.I am sorry for offending anyone by my confusion to something that I thought was being asked.I guess i did not have the right idea for a red flag in this context.I think thats a reasonable red flag.I know we as Autistics and Aspies can misinterpret things a lot at times.Please accept my deepest apologies for being ignorant of the correct version of a red flag in this discussion.



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12 Dec 2021, 4:31 am

People who insult entire groups of people, and are often blaming others for their misery.

People who think sarcasm and resentfulness are parts of a relationship. In other words, frequent put downs passed off as humor. This is usually done because deep down they don't like you, yet stay with you out of fear of being alone or that they can't do better. So you become their punching bag.

Fan of reality TV shows. This wouldn't always be a red flag, I guess, but I find that most of these shows are based on humiliation and schadenfreude, and I've met a lot of self-loathing people who enjoy them. Unfortunately, this kind of entertainment has become more and more popular, but I'm not really interested in relationships anymore, so it's not as much of a big deal.

People who interrupt and talk over me a lot. This seems to be a very common disease among people.

People without hobbies or passions, who just spend their free time looking for endless distractions. They will never understand your need for independence and alone time.

People who look for reasons to be angry, things to fix, and always know what's wrong with other people. They hate themselves and want to use you as a receptacle for their resentment.

People who project onto me. If you're quiet, people will presume a lot about you, enjoying their idea of you rather than the real thing. Many people are not okay with not knowing something, and feel the need to make up an answer. Or they are so starved for love that they take your polite lack of interest as a shy way of embracing everything about them, when you really don't care. Lots of adults in this world are looking for a mommy and daddy.



Texasmoneyman300
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12 Dec 2021, 4:41 am

HighLlama wrote:
People who insult entire groups of people, and are often blaming others for their misery.

People who think sarcasm and resentfulness are parts of a relationship. In other words, frequent put downs passed off as humor. This is usually done because deep down they don't like you, yet stay with you out of fear of being alone or that they can't do better. So you become their punching bag.

Fan of reality TV shows. This wouldn't always be a red flag, I guess, but I find that most of these shows are based on humiliation and schadenfreude, and I've met a lot of self-loathing people who enjoy them. Unfortunately, this kind of entertainment has become more and more popular, but I'm not really interested in relationships anymore, so it's not as much of a big deal.

People who interrupt and talk over me a lot. This seems to be a very common disease among people.

People without hobbies or passions, who just spend their free time looking for endless distractions. They will never understand your need for independence and alone time.

People who look for reasons to be angry, things to fix, and always know what's wrong with other people. They hate themselves and want to use you as a receptacle for their resentment.

People who project onto me. If you're quiet, people will presume a lot about you, enjoying their idea of you rather than the real thing. Many people are not okay with not knowing something, and feel the need to make up an answer. Or they are so starved for love that they take your polite lack of interest as a shy way of embracing everything about them, when you really don't care. Lots of adults in this world are looking for a mommy and daddy.

Ya I am kind of the opposite with reality tv since my family is in the business and I am in the business too.and I love to watch it even more than network tv.



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12 Dec 2021, 5:16 pm

A big red flag for me would be if I'm always the one doing the texting and calling and checking in. I once dated someone who almost never texted me first, so I was always the one texting him, and a lot of times he didn't even reply.


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13 Dec 2021, 5:15 am

Refusing to sign a prenup is actually a red flag to me too. If a potential partner has an issue with signing such an agreement with people in their 30s then it gives the impression they're intentionally picking "targets" after waiting to see who's got the most money.

At that age partners just need to be an adult and accept that there might be big differences between each others wealth which needs to be protected. If you met in your teens or early 20s then it doesn't matter as much, regardless of the age you marry that person.



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26 Dec 2021, 3:06 am

Since I'm disabled in various ways, my main red flag is that she expects me to be about as independent as most people my age with employment & living skills. I could NEVER live up to that unless I suddenly find a winning lottery ticket on the ground or something.


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26 Dec 2021, 4:13 am

Nades wrote:
Refusing to sign a prenup is actually a red flag to me too. If a potential partner has an issue with signing such an agreement with people in their 30s then it gives the impression they're intentionally picking "targets" after waiting to see who's got the most money..


Probably only relevant where the make is the sole breadwinner and brings in millions.



DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 4:23 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
1) Narcissism -- A good test when you meet someone is to casually mention a problem you have in your life. Anything. It doesn't have to be a huge problem, but disclose something. If they respond by

a) ignoring it or never mentioning it again
b) telling you stories all about themselves (like a competition)
c) telling you how to fix your problem

.... then you know you've found the wrong person.


The bolded and underline has to be a joke, right???

I'm just confused how on earth trying to help someone makes someone a narcissist. Look I get it that you've been abused and traumatized and been through really horrible s**t, but it's not right to label entire swathes of men and women narcissists just for the mere crime of having a benevolent heart and wanting to help others.

Can you clarify your comment please?



Last edited by DmitriNicholaev on 26 Dec 2021, 4:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

DmitriNicholaev
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26 Dec 2021, 4:37 am

Here are my red flags. So I hate hate HATE radical feminists with a passion, and thus the following red flags for me indicates the woman I'm with is a radical feminist or bad person in general:

For everything wrong she or other women do there has to be a mitigating factor, extenuating circumstance and or context to justify or exculpate her bad behavior, such as being on her period, being stressed out, etc.; but every single errancy, infraction - real or perceived - or mistake from me or another guy is ipso facto men acting like pigs, men being irredeemable monsters, or something where the guy is a super villain without any sympathy nor empathy. Basically the types of people who support Amber Heard.

Gender roles are emphasized only when it benefits your interests but gender roles are completely meaningless when it involves sacrificing from your needs or wants to please your partner. For example radical feminists I've met have no issue with men being the ones expected to pay for their partners, to spend on them whenever they want as frivolously as they want, and basically they want a man to be the traditional man who conforms to chivalry, but as soon as the man asks his partner to fulfill his needs and adhere to traditional gender roles in ways that make him happy or sacrifice from her interests such as asking her to make him a meal after he comes home from work exhausted, all hell breaks loose and that man is a terrible misogynist and a symbol of patriarchy. Basically we call such people parasites. It's either gender roles for both or no gender roles: no such thing as gender roles when you like it but only when you like it.

If the partner expects her flaws and mistakes to just be ignored and overlooked or chalked up to a mitigating circumstance but my flaws and mistakes need a 10 hour mea culpa and long apology for and she holds a grudge then that person is a hypocrite.

If my partner wants to treat others how she herself doesnt want to be treated, or expects others to treat her how she herself doesnt treat others, then that person is a parasite and narcissistic and not worth my time

Basically anyone who exhibits a hypocrisy where "what's good for me isn't for thee" can leave. I don't tolerate hypocrites, radical feminists who think women have all these rights but no responsibilities, and that they're entitled to fair treatment but dont want to be fair to others.