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Fnord
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13 Dec 2021, 9:30 am

A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

Now she was smiling. Hey, they're getting it, she thought! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

Five-year-old Fnordie shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"



theprisoner
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13 Dec 2021, 9:45 am

Did anybody here at WP hear the joke, where Jesus tips over with his cross?. Never mind, it's going to be reposted.


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Fnord
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13 Dec 2021, 10:08 am

A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders.  Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him.

The Franciscan fell on his face, overcome with awe at the sight of G^D born in such poverty.

The Dominican fell to his knees, adoring the beautiful reflection of the Trinity and the Holy Family.

The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, "So, have you thought about where to send him to school?"



Fnord
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13 Dec 2021, 10:20 am

Fnord was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man!  Drinking is a Sin!  Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Fnord gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How would [i]you know, Sister?  Evidence, please!"[/i]

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"Hah!  I knew it; 'Fallacy of False Authority'.  But have you ever had a drink yourself?  How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous -- of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink -- if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drinking alcohol for life."

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I will get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them no-one will know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Fnord goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman, "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no!  Is that drunken Nun at it again?"



apex116
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14 Dec 2021, 1:58 am

Where was Solomon’s Temple located?

On the side of his head.