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AngelL
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19 Dec 2021, 11:41 am

It’s about to get real.

All I ever want, is to find ways to express kindness to every person; no, every creature, I encounter. I haven’t ever said that before but it’s been true for a very long time. The reason I’ve not said it before is that I was afraid. Just realized that tonight so I’m here rectifying the ‘not said it before’ bit. There are a million reasons why I’m afraid, here’s one to get you started. How many beers does it take the average joe before he thinks it’s a pretty clever idea to do something decidedly unpleasant to me? You know, and then cheerfully ask, “Express kindness to that! Ha!”

The truth is, that’s a big reason I mask. I started out in life as authentic as I could ever get. One by one, starting with my mother, every single person in my life rejected me. I changed how I presented to the world. People started accepted me. I kept changing and more and more people accepted me. But when the first person in life to abandon you is your mom, you develop abandonment issues. That issue, fueled by insecurity kept me changing, using people’s reactions to me as a guide to modify my behavior. And then – and this is the important bit; every time I tried a newly modified mask, I tried it front of people who had never seen me before and so, had no preconceived ideas about me. During the twenty-year period in which I made the most progress I was moving to a new address in a new city, on average, every seventeen days. My mask became way, way more, than just accepted.

I, who might just be the world’s champion introvert, was starting to attract people. The more people who allowed me to be around them was more opportunity for me to do something nice for them, no matter how small. If I were to speak the feeling I have about it, it might be: To act as an agent of kindness. I can’t do that if no one allows me around them. My fear was that everyone would leave me again if they saw anything resembling me so, just like Lowe’s, I never stopped improving (the mask). As I did, I got to serve my life purpose more and more. Eventually though, I always end up with people who so desperately need more kindness than a single person can provide. They take me hostage out of desperation, not malice. It doesn’t matter; I won’t leave while there was still hope, and where there is life there is hope.

So. A few things to know. I take my second round of meds at 10 a.m. daily. Because I’d be home about 10:15 a.m., I didn’t take them with me. Also, I do intermittent fasting and don’t eat till noon every day. Yesterday went like this:

8:15 a.m. – Started car to let it warm up because it’s cold outside.
8:40 a.m. – Remembered the car was running after getting distracted.
8:41 a.m. – Ran out the door to get to a PT appointment that I didn’t want to go to left behind my coat because the car is five meters away and it’s probably too hot in the car now. Also left my backpack with sensory objects, etc. because I’ll be quick.
8:57 a.m. – Arrive for 9:00 a.m. appointment.
10:00 a.m. – Appointment over, heads home.
10:08 a.m. – Car loses power and rolls to a stop in the most dangerous, most inconvenient place possible. I also discover the only place in my county that doesn’t have cell phone coverage.
11:53 a.m. – After walking until I found a place that had cell phone coverage, found a mobile auto repair and towing company. Was told they’d be there in thirty minutes.
12:04 a.m. – Return to my car to be yelled at by the police for ‘breaking down’ in an inappropriate place.
1:00 p.m. – Called mechanic back. Was told that he got busy; 45-minutes out.
3:31 p.m. – Received text: “Did you still need a tow we’re just barely caught up?”
3:32 p.m. – Responded, “Desperately. I need medication that is at my house. Nothing to drink, haven’t eaten today. Also, in a t-shirt, no coat, no heat, 39 degrees.”
3:36 p.m. – “Okay, we’ll be there shortly.”
4:07 p.m. – Police show up again. I tell them that I’m still waiting on the mechanic/tow driver. Cop tells me I’m a liar. Demands number, calls mechanic. He says he’s on his way. Cop tells me he’s going to push me off the road with his cruiser – runs my car into a cement barrier to prevent people from falling into ditch. Passenger side of car is destroyed.
5:56 p.m. – Mechanic shows up, tells me engine is blown. Hooks up car, brings me to my house so I can get the title and he takes car to dump – trading tow cost for scrap value of car.

During the nearly eight hours that I was waiting, my torn rotator cuff kept tearing more from the violent shivering I was experiencing non-stop. I lost track of how many distracted drivers came perilously close to hitting me before laying on their horn in annoyance. Four people took it upon themselves to throw a bottle or can out their window at my car as they passed. No heat, no water, no food, no meds, no internet service…and can’t afford to meltdown. Now the driver is here. “I’m sorry I was so late, why don’t you jump in the truck and warm up?” He hooks the car, jumps in and we head to my home. I know that I’m being taken advantage of here. I’ll buy that my car is toast, but scrap for the tow is not fair. I also know that I’m at his mercy. That said, since I first heard his voice on the phone, I’ve been collecting data on him. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Hispanic, mid 40’s. This is his business – he owns it, and has for ten years. His tow truck is painted with flames, and he has a picture of a low-rider in the truck. He is married and has an eighteen-year-old daughter. He has two items on his keyring that are noteworthy – a casino chip and a Catholic, patron-saint coin. You can make of that what you will, but this is how it influenced me.

“Sorry it took so long, we got slammed.”
“No worries!” I replied cheerfully, “I’m sure you got here as quickly as you could.”

Truth is, if it had been his daughter, I know he would have been there by 12:30 p.m. so I don’t believe that for a moment, but he did get here as quickly as he could, based on how low on the priority list as I was. There is a basic truism of life that I’ve discovered that says, “If you give people what they want, they’ll give you what you want.” He wants to stop feeling badly about making someone wait as long as he made me wait, especially when he discovered I had no coat. So, I let him off the hook. We drove to my house and I went in to get the title. While I was there, I grabbed a copy of a poker book I wrote, signed a copy and brought it out to him with the title.

“I saw your casino chip and thought you might like this,” I said handing it to him. He was shocked and stammered a moment before saying, “Hop in.” I did, and he said, “You know, I get a premium on junk cars. Let’s run by an ATM; I’m going to get you some money.” Fifteen minutes later, he was dropping me off at my apartment complex $200 richer. I asked him to drop me off at the front so he wouldn’t have as much difficulty turning around as he did when he went to my door, and went in through the lobby.

It’s after 6:00 p.m. on a Friday and the manager is putting up Christmas decorations in the lobby. Her weekend was supposed to start at 5:00 p.m. She’s new, but from what I can surmise, she’s doing this on her own time because she allows herself to be distracted much too often at work. She takes personal calls, gets caught up in gossiping, etc. Regardless, she probably doesn’t feel too good about being here this late – even if it is a situation of her own making. As I pass her, desperately wanting to get into my apartment, and shut the door and the world out, I stop.

“Clearly, you need a watch for Christmas,” I say playfully. She looks up. “You’re supposed to be home relaxing on the couch with some Kahlua-flavored eggnog about now. What in the hell are you still doing here? You can’t possibly like us that much,” letting the mirth in my voice trail off. She grinned. “Right? I’ll be out of here soon. You have a great night!” She’s new. She didn’t know me before this. I said what I said to bring a smile to her face, but I also know that she’s going to remember me. I’m betting my next maintenance issue will be prioritized because I made her smile and appeared to care. Twelve minutes later, a knock on my door and the manager is holding a fruit basket that was delivered to the office that day. She doesn’t do a lot of fruit; would I like it?

Actually, the manager’s behavior was pretty thematic. I try to bring a smile to someone’s face; they seek me out shortly thereafter. It took her twelve minutes to get to my door to return the favor. She did so because it gave her a good feeling, but she wouldn’t have gotten a good feeling giving it to me before I gave her a smile. So even though I’m not looking for anything – in fact, kind of the opposite, I’m looking to be left alone – but I bring it on myself. I know human behavior well enough to know this is coming, but I can’t help myself.

DuckHairback wrote:
But you're saying this is a total construction on your part. How did you know what to do? By observing others? I'd be interested to know.


Yes, by observing others. I studied human nature the way some of us study trains – I made it my special interest. I was pre-disposed to do so. My mother was a violent, abusive narcissist and alcoholic. Reading her was my first lesson in self-preservation. Others followed rapidly. Then the military, in which my inability to read others could be fatal. Then my career as a professional poker player, where reading people allowed me to make a living. So, yeah, learning how NT’s operate in the world, how they think, what motivates them, etc., became a life-saving skill early on and I developed it in an effort to live.



blitzkrieg
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19 Dec 2021, 11:56 am

AngelL wrote:
It’s about to get real.

All I ever want, is to find ways to express kindness to every person; no, every creature, I encounter. I haven’t ever said that before but it’s been true for a very long time. The reason I’ve not said it before is that I was afraid. Just realized that tonight so I’m here rectifying the ‘not said it before’ bit. There are a million reasons why I’m afraid, here’s one to get you started. How many beers does it take the average joe before he thinks it’s a pretty clever idea to do something decidedly unpleasant to me? You know, and then cheerfully ask, “Express kindness to that! Ha!”

The truth is, that’s a big reason I mask. I started out in life as authentic as I could ever get. One by one, starting with my mother, every single person in my life rejected me. I changed how I presented to the world. People started accepted me. I kept changing and more and more people accepted me. But when the first person in life to abandon you is your mom, you develop abandonment issues. That issue, fueled by insecurity kept me changing, using people’s reactions to me as a guide to modify my behavior. And then – and this is the important bit; every time I tried a newly modified mask, I tried it front of people who had never seen me before and so, had no preconceived ideas about me. During the twenty-year period in which I made the most progress I was moving to a new address in a new city, on average, every seventeen days. My mask became way, way more, than just accepted.

I, who might just be the world’s champion introvert, was starting to attract people. The more people who allowed me to be around them was more opportunity for me to do something nice for them, no matter how small. If I were to speak the feeling I have about it, it might be: To act as an agent of kindness. I can’t do that if no one allows me around them. My fear was that everyone would leave me again if they saw anything resembling me so, just like Lowe’s, I never stopped improving (the mask). As I did, I got to serve my life purpose more and more. Eventually though, I always end up with people who so desperately need more kindness than a single person can provide. They take me hostage out of desperation, not malice. It doesn’t matter; I won’t leave while there was still hope, and where there is life there is hope.

So. A few things to know. I take my second round of meds at 10 a.m. daily. Because I’d be home about 10:15 a.m., I didn’t take them with me. Also, I do intermittent fasting and don’t eat till noon every day. Yesterday went like this:

8:15 a.m. – Started car to let it warm up because it’s cold outside.
8:40 a.m. – Remembered the car was running after getting distracted.
8:41 a.m. – Ran out the door to get to a PT appointment that I didn’t want to go to left behind my coat because the car is five meters away and it’s probably too hot in the car now. Also left my backpack with sensory objects, etc. because I’ll be quick.
8:57 a.m. – Arrive for 9:00 a.m. appointment.
10:00 a.m. – Appointment over, heads home.
10:08 a.m. – Car loses power and rolls to a stop in the most dangerous, most inconvenient place possible. I also discover the only place in my county that doesn’t have cell phone coverage.
11:53 a.m. – After walking until I found a place that had cell phone coverage, found a mobile auto repair and towing company. Was told they’d be there in thirty minutes.
12:04 a.m. – Return to my car to be yelled at by the police for ‘breaking down’ in an inappropriate place.
1:00 p.m. – Called mechanic back. Was told that he got busy; 45-minutes out.
3:31 p.m. – Received text: “Did you still need a tow we’re just barely caught up?”
3:32 p.m. – Responded, “Desperately. I need medication that is at my house. Nothing to drink, haven’t eaten today. Also, in a t-shirt, no coat, no heat, 39 degrees.”
3:36 p.m. – “Okay, we’ll be there shortly.”
4:07 p.m. – Police show up again. I tell them that I’m still waiting on the mechanic/tow driver. Cop tells me I’m a liar. Demands number, calls mechanic. He says he’s on his way. Cop tells me he’s going to push me off the road with his cruiser – runs my car into a cement barrier to prevent people from falling into ditch. Passenger side of car is destroyed.
5:56 p.m. – Mechanic shows up, tells me engine is blown. Hooks up car, brings me to my house so I can get the title and he takes car to dump – trading tow cost for scrap value of car.

During the nearly eight hours that I was waiting, my torn rotator cuff kept tearing more from the violent shivering I was experiencing non-stop. I lost track of how many distracted drivers came perilously close to hitting me before laying on their horn in annoyance. Four people took it upon themselves to throw a bottle or can out their window at my car as they passed. No heat, no water, no food, no meds, no internet service…and can’t afford to meltdown. Now the driver is here. “I’m sorry I was so late, why don’t you jump in the truck and warm up?” He hooks the car, jumps in and we head to my home. I know that I’m being taken advantage of here. I’ll buy that my car is toast, but scrap for the tow is not fair. I also know that I’m at his mercy. That said, since I first heard his voice on the phone, I’ve been collecting data on him. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Hispanic, mid 40’s. This is his business – he owns it, and has for ten years. His tow truck is painted with flames, and he has a picture of a low-rider in the truck. He is married and has an eighteen-year-old daughter. He has two items on his keyring that are noteworthy – a casino chip and a Catholic, patron-saint coin. You can make of that what you will, but this is how it influenced me.

“Sorry it took so long, we got slammed.”
“No worries!” I replied cheerfully, “I’m sure you got here as quickly as you could.”

Truth is, if it had been his daughter, I know he would have been there by 12:30 p.m. so I don’t believe that for a moment, but he did get here as quickly as he could, based on how low on the priority list as I was. There is a basic truism of life that I’ve discovered that says, “If you give people what they want, they’ll give you what you want.” He wants to stop feeling badly about making someone wait as long as he made me wait, especially when he discovered I had no coat. So, I let him off the hook. We drove to my house and I went in to get the title. While I was there, I grabbed a copy of a poker book I wrote, signed a copy and brought it out to him with the title.

“I saw your casino chip and thought you might like this,” I said handing it to him. He was shocked and stammered a moment before saying, “Hop in.” I did, and he said, “You know, I get a premium on junk cars. Let’s run by an ATM; I’m going to get you some money.” Fifteen minutes later, he was dropping me off at my apartment complex $200 richer. I asked him to drop me off at the front so he wouldn’t have as much difficulty turning around as he did when he went to my door, and went in through the lobby.

It’s after 6:00 p.m. on a Friday and the manager is putting up Christmas decorations in the lobby. Her weekend was supposed to start at 5:00 p.m. She’s new, but from what I can surmise, she’s doing this on her own time because she allows herself to be distracted much too often at work. She takes personal calls, gets caught up in gossiping, etc. Regardless, she probably doesn’t feel too good about being here this late – even if it is a situation of her own making. As I pass her, desperately wanting to get into my apartment, and shut the door and the world out, I stop.

“Clearly, you need a watch for Christmas,” I say playfully. She looks up. “You’re supposed to be home relaxing on the couch with some Kahlua-flavored eggnog about now. What in the hell are you still doing here? You can’t possibly like us that much,” letting the mirth in my voice trail off. She grinned. “Right? I’ll be out of here soon. You have a great night!” She’s new. She didn’t know me before this. I said what I said to bring a smile to her face, but I also know that she’s going to remember me. I’m betting my next maintenance issue will be prioritized because I made her smile and appeared to care. Twelve minutes later, a knock on my door and the manager is holding a fruit basket that was delivered to the office that day. She doesn’t do a lot of fruit; would I like it?

Actually, the manager’s behavior was pretty thematic. I try to bring a smile to someone’s face; they seek me out shortly thereafter. It took her twelve minutes to get to my door to return the favor. She did so because it gave her a good feeling, but she wouldn’t have gotten a good feeling giving it to me before I gave her a smile. So even though I’m not looking for anything – in fact, kind of the opposite, I’m looking to be left alone – but I bring it on myself. I know human behavior well enough to know this is coming, but I can’t help myself.

DuckHairback wrote:
But you're saying this is a total construction on your part. How did you know what to do? By observing others? I'd be interested to know.


Yes, by observing others. I studied human nature the way some of us study trains – I made it my special interest. I was pre-disposed to do so. My mother was a violent, abusive narcissist and alcoholic. Reading her was my first lesson in self-preservation. Others followed rapidly. Then the military, in which my inability to read others could be fatal. Then my career as a professional poker player, where reading people allowed me to make a living. So, yeah, learning how NT’s operate in the world, how they think, what motivates them, etc., became a life-saving skill early on and I developed it in an effort to live.


Wow, this is incredibly insightful, 'L'.

Also, I am doing 'distracted driving' as part of my MSc educational material, currently.

Life is getting weirder & weirder. :)

Maybe you know this already, which is a bit unnerving.

You can read me like a book.

Anyway, I :heart: you, 'L'.


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Freedom, is the sovereign right, of America.
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AngelL
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19 Dec 2021, 3:19 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
Anyway, I :heart: you, 'L'.


:heart: (((blitzkrieg))) :heart:



blitzkrieg
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19 Dec 2021, 3:24 pm

AngelL wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Anyway, I :heart: you, 'L'.


:heart: (((blitzkrieg))) :heart:


Thanks. :heart:


_________________
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Christian (LGBTQ+ affirming).
Abstract & critical thinker. 2nd wave feminist.
All humans are equal before God.
Freedom, is the sovereign right, of America.
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AngelL
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19 Dec 2021, 4:28 pm

I was a professional poker player for twenty-four years and my first book was on no-limit. There is a chapter in that book entitled, “If you meet the needs of your opponents, they will meet yours.” I go on to say,

Quote:
This is a basic truism of life – not just poker. Find out what drives your opponent emotionally and then meet their needs. If your need is for their chips, they’ll happily oblige. The consequence of them not meeting your needs is that you will go away and they will stop getting their needs met.


I explained above that I don’t go through life trying to take advantage of people – and I don’t, the poker table is different. That said, often people do things for me because of something I said or did, some version of ‘meeting their needs’, but I didn’t say or do whatever it was in order for them to do so. It simply followed naturally as a result and it’s impossible not to notice when it happens time after time. For the purposes of the book, I broke people that you’ll meet at the poker table into four categories:

1. Loose-aggressive players (LAP’s)
2. Loose-passive players (LPP’s)
3. Tight-passive players (TPP’s)
4. Tight-aggressive players (TAP’s)

I’m not trying to teach you poker here but you can use the same basic technique in socialization although you might change the name, have more categories – or less, etc. In order for me to have a successful interaction with a typical person, I need to prepare scripts. In order for my script to be appropriate to the person I’m speaking to, it must be modified based on the psychological profile I create on this person. I’m going to create a quick profile on everyone I know based on the data available to me. The trick is to know what data is useful.

Consider the tow truck driver in a recent post in this thread. Even before I met him, based on what I was able to gather from what I saw on his website that I visited to get his phone number and our 30-second phone call, I knew things about him. I knew he was a man. Being a man in this country allows you a certain privilege and that privilege tends to manifest itself in a range of predictable ways. He’s Hispanic. That too influences the way that he sees and is treated by the world, leading to another range of predictable results. He is a business owner. He probably takes a great deal of pride in that and his self-image and worth is probably tied very closely to this.

Likewise, often I am able to identify an LAP before they come to my table even if I’ve never met them before by their behavior and mannerisms as they wait for a seat. Then I start my personal psychological profile of him specifically, I can do so upon an existing template – i.e., the template of the LAP. An LAP is characterized as such by his or her addiction to action. They almost never throw away a hand because if they do, they’re no longer in the middle of the action. I mention in my book that it absolutely amazed me how many of these guys (and despite the fact that I said ‘his or her’ it’s almost always a guy) used to be the high school quarterback. In almost every case, whether they were the quarterback or not, the LAP almost always peaked in high school and comes to the poker table to once again get the attention he craves. I explained how to interact with this type of personality at the poker table but you can adapt this info to interact with similar anywhere. Generally speaking, think high school jock – popular, entitled, and usually shallow and self-centered.

Talk to a psychologist about how to deal with a personality type like this in a healthy way and they’ll suggest:

1. Remain unimpressed with his poor choices.
2. Use a tone of voice that conveys that you, not them, are in charge.
3. Don’t give them an audience.
4. Whenever possible, ignore his attention seeking behavior.

Talk to me about how to play poker with this guy and I’ll suggest:

1. Act impressed with his poor choices (i.e., reckless gambling)

Remember the top jock in high school? Always doing really silly, or stupid, or immature stuff to the delight of his friends? You want to make friends with this guy? Be delighted by his stupid antics. He’s doing them to get attention so give him what he wants. When this character walks into the poker room, I might stand up and call to him from across the room, “Hey Dave, get over here man; this game needs you!” It doesn’t matter if there is a seat open in the game or not – it isn’t about that. It IS about getting everyone in the room to turn and look at him. He’s basking in the attention and who made it happen? Yeah, me – his new best friend.

A lot of people like being the center of attention; not just jocks, of course. We, as people on the spectrum, tend to draw attention by presenting differently. These people hate us for it. Ultimately, they tend to be incredibly insecure and, in most cases, they’d rather shove us in a locker than share the spotlight with us. As a result, I don’t visibly stim. I don’t talk about my interests – at all. It isn’t about me, it’s about them – always. I act more like their campaign manager than I do a peer, and they love me for it. “Dude,” they say, “we should totally hang out!” If that works for you – that’s how to get them to want to hang out with you.

2. Use an admiring, conciliatory tone of voice with him.

He doesn’t really think he’s better than everyone else. He might have thought so in high school but the truth of his importance started to make inroads when the best he could find was a dead-end job, the cheerleader he married divorced him after a couple of years, and the nerds he picked on throughout school have more Facebook friends than he does. Nevertheless, he’s sufficiently unhappy in life that he’ll settle for a good illusion right now, and that’s what I’m there to provide. Let’s say he ends up at my table. There is a 100% chance that the moment he begins to become despondent because he hasn’t been the center of attention for the last three and half minutes, that I tell a story about him.

“You know Dave,” I’ll begin out of the blue, “I don’t care if I live to 100 years old, I will never forget that crazy bluff you made against that one guy with the full-house at the Mirage that one time.” That got the table’s attention and Dave’s mood has already begun to brighten. Then I’ll launch into a re-telling of the story – which is easy because I typed it up three months ago for just this purpose. Now I’m reading the script out of my head but modulating my voice so it sounds like what the audience will think is natural. I’ve practiced long and hard; and I am an amazing storyteller. I can make a story about taking a dump sound fascinating. This I know: Everyone will like the story and the way I tell it. And because of that, when I launch into a story, everyone who knows me shuts up and listens because they know they’re about to be entertained.

3. Not only give him attention, but draw others attention to him as well.

The story I just told does both.

4. Never ignore him. If his energy starts dropping, give him an infusion of attention.

i.e., The story I just told is a perfect example of this.

I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why someone would want to create a friendship with someone like this – but if you do, this type of behavior will create the illusion of a friendship. You’re never going to get him or her to like you for you (imo) but s/he’ll love the character you create. As long as you can maintain the mask, they'll love spending time with them.

Anyway, there are three more player types in my analysis and they, in turn, are representative of people with other personality characteristics. If you want more, tell me you want more, and I'd be happy to do so. It's a lot of typing if no one remains interested though... ;) Or, alternatively, if you want to ask a related question or about a person or 'type of person' that you have in your life (or want in your life) go ahead and ask a specific question and let's see what I can offer.



blitzkrieg
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19 Dec 2021, 4:38 pm

I tend to use intuition more than breaking people down into psychological parts, when I talk to them. But I generally know what type of personality I am dealing with & act in accordance with that, especially if it is someone significant in my life.

It's a bit of an unfair advantage really, since it is an effortless process when your unconscious mind informs your conscious mind of how to act (intuition).


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All humans are equal before God.
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AngelL
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19 Dec 2021, 5:30 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
I tend to use intuition more than breaking people down into psychological parts, when I talk to them.


As do I - today. That's actually why I drew from the poker book even though we aren't taking about poker. In order to take what I now do subconsciously and/or via a highly developed intuition and break it down into its myriad parts is challenging. Particularly when I'm giving examples like my comments to the property manager that came on the immediate heels of the day from Hell. Actually, that's why I enumerated my day, to show how automated this has become. When I step outside my front door, my masks go on and it takes an incredible act of will to even partially remove them. Add stress, and they snap back on.

So, when I entered the lobby of my complex after eight hours of fearing that I'm about to be hit by a distracted driver every 30-seconds, I'm stressed. Every interaction with a cop is terrifying. My anxiety with police has risen to the point of going non-verbal before; I've been tased three times for not responding to a police officer when he ordered me to and I was unable to. I fear a repeat of that during every interaction I have with them. I have a card to use now, but that has only been since I was diagnosed in mid-October of this year. I fear being shot if I have to reach for it, but at least it's something. Did I mention that I've spent nine months in a cage being tortured before? Yeah, tortured through electrocution - I really, really hate being tased. Imagine being on the very edge of panic that you're about to be hit and a glass bottle shatters against your passenger window inches from your head...four times. More stress. Can't connect to the internet to search for more expedient help. More stress. The fear that the police are going to come back. More stress. Non-stop pain and you have relief...but its out of reach until the guy who said he was going to be here an hour ago, gets here. Then it became the guy who said he was going to be two hours ago, then three, then four, then five, then six, then seven. More stress. The cold settles in, past surface skin cold. The shivering starts and I'm powerless to stop it - or the further damage it's creating in my shoulder. More stress.

I am absolutely incapable of thinking my way out of a paper bag by the time I walked into that lobby. My behavior resorts to unconscious, habitual responses...which shows just how automatic the mask is.

blitzkrieg wrote:
But I generally know what type of personality I am dealing with & act in accordance with that, especially if it is someone significant in my life.


Right. Even if they're not part of my life - the difference between the guy in the $3000 business suit and homeless junkie on the street corner is clear. It's the difference between, "Excuse me, sir..." and "What's up, dude..."

blitzkrieg wrote:
It's a bit of an unfair advantage really, since it is an effortless process when your unconscious mind informs your conscious mind of how to act (intuition).


I don't know. Here's a true story for you: Pablo Picasso was speaking to a group of students above his gallery one day. While talking, he painting a very simple painting that took him all of thirty seconds. Turning to one of his students/employees he said, "Take this downstairs and mark it for $40,000." The student asking out of curiosity, not judgment, asked, "Do you feel at all uncomfortable charging $40,000 for a painting that took you only thirty seconds to paint?" Picasso responded, "Ah, you are mistaken. This painting took me forty years to create."

I believe that your process appears effortless because you exerted the effort to understand how to do this a very, very long time ago. At least, that is how my interactions are able to appear effortless.



blitzkrieg
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19 Dec 2021, 5:46 pm

I don't generally tell people how much money I have or don't have at any given time, because having money is a weakness. If people can rob you - they will try to rob you.

And yes, I have developed intuitive skills through exposing myself to very tough and sometimes terrifying situations'.

When you say you have spent 9 months in a cage - do you mean a metaphysical cage or a physical cage?


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AngelL
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19 Dec 2021, 7:11 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
When you say you have spent 9 months in a cage - do you mean a metaphysical cage or a physical cage?


Oh I've spent way, way more than nine months in a metaphorical cage. :) No, that was nine months in a literal, physical cage. Think of a large dog kennel with thicker bars.



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19 Dec 2021, 7:58 pm

AngelL wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
When you say you have spent 9 months in a cage - do you mean a metaphysical cage or a physical cage?


Oh I've spent way, way more than nine months in a metaphorical cage. :) No, that was nine months in a literal, physical cage. Think of a large dog kennel with thicker bars.


Yikes.


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21 Dec 2021, 5:49 pm

I thought of two salient points, since I last posted in this thread, that I'd like to add.

AngelL wrote:
I am an amazing storyteller. I can make a story about taking a dump sound fascinating.


One of the most fascinating takeaways I've had from my interaction with NT's, is that the crazy things that leap out at me regarding NT's behavior - the stuff they are completely oblivious to, pisses them off when I point it out. But the exact same thing they said or did, when I turn it into an 'observational humor' kind of story, they absolutely love it. I don't watch a lot of comedy (these days) but the comedian who pops to mind is Gabriel "Fluffy" Inglesias. Most of his act, if not all of it, is telling stories in such a way as to point out the absurdities. People, even if they've done the absurd things he's speaking of - even if they ARE the person he's speaking of, they think it's all the more hilarious because it's them. Typically though, my stories are about me which, come to think of it, is Fluffy's style too. I'll poke fun at my own neurodiversity (without naming it, cause I was just dx'd) and the trouble it has caused me. Once again, the same diversity that annoyed people is now entertaining them. Anyway, just a thought or direction if someone wants to try it out.

And then there's that other thing...

AngelL wrote:
If I were to speak the feeling I have about it, it would look like this: I want to act as an agent of kindness.


I'm not doing it to 'get' anything, but I've discovered there are some serious benefits in doing so. For instance, you might be amazed at how willing NT's are to have you "drone on and one" when what you're droning on about is how awesome they are. Who doesn't want to be shown some kindness? Or be given a compliment? People are a lot more willing to find tolerance for my quirks when I'm always bringing a smile to their face.

You know, I really thought that when I got to the end of both of those I'd already have a third thing, and maybe even a fourth. Maybe I have to hit 'submit' first... ;)