I’m Having a Very Bad Day

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My money is low in my bank, my top of my leg is hurting so bad, a guy was painting my front door on the outside, I had to keep my door open, I was very cold, the guy that working, he scared my cat, when I put on my tower heater, the temperature on the heater said 62. It been so cold today, it is 43 now, it’s going to be 39 later tonight. I been crying, my sister upset me earlier. I had suicidal thoughts. And I’m scared about what going happen to me next year, cuz of the trust fund running low, I had a bad dream that I was homeless.

I don't have anything to say that I know would help, but I feel for you there and your bad day.

Lots of people having bad days lately.

Sorry for your lousy day. I hope it gets better very soon.

I really cannot live anymore. I cannot handle the responsibles. I can’t handle my mail. I want to die soon. I feel soooo alone, nobody helping me, I’m responsible for taking care of me & my cat, my STUPID Aspergers making me feel like im mentally very very young again & I’m also soooo scared, I feel like I really cannot breathe, I don’t want to breathe, I feel sooo lost. I really feel like I’m on my way to another mental breakdown, nobody going to be here to help me, so I’m sooooo scared.

Hang on in there, Kitty. Things are often not quite as bad as they seemed at the time in retrospect. You have lots of friends here on WP!

(((Kitty)))

I’m sorry to hear Kitty. I think you said you have friends in person who can help, right? And all of us on here?

You could try taking some deep breaths and listen to some guided meditations on YouTube, esp ones for anxiety and panic?

Hope you feel better soon!

On Sunday, I accidentally hit my eye, it gotten swollen the next day,my eye was half open. I had hard time seeing, it’s slowly getting better. I wish I don’t have ALOT of responsibility. I wish I have more money in my bank. I ran out of water.

The U.S is a hell hole for disabled folk. The U.K is pretty terrible, but you can generally get services for 'free', even if you have to wait a bazillion years and then get limited resources.

The best thing about the U.K is that the benefits system allows you to receive disabled benefits whilst working & disabled benefits are considered to be money paid to offset the extra costs of disability. In the U.S, from what I have heard, disabled benefits are just as hard to get as in the U.K, but with the added obstacle of being disincentivized from working if you receive them?

The only good point I have found about the U.S is that they seem to respect Autistic folk a bit more and treat them as 'normal' (or at least pretend to) - some NT's do, anyway. The tough 'jock' types just seem to not acknowledge disabled folk, like they are invisible, which personally I don't mind.

British folk have this mildy disgusted look a lot of the time looking at disabled folk. They acknowledge you, unlike the Americans who are socially advantaged, but acknowledge you with disdain. It's written all over their faces and if it isn't, it speaks in their actions.

That has been my lived experience, anyway.

I remember in an American airport I got shouted at by a giant Mexican guy on security and he was treating me like a criminal. He looked like a giant wrestler. He kept asking me what my job was & because I had just been sensory overwhelmed on an aeroplane & I could barely communicate. He got angrier & angrier when I told him I didn't have a job?

I told him my job history and that I had had a retail job previously & he insisted I was a 'bellboy' and I didn't even recognise the term, at the time.

I told him I was visiting a 'friend' & he treated me like I was an illegal immigrant. He was jabbing his index finger (covered in a black S.S looking glove), in my face & was threatening to have me 'sent in the back', wherever that was? Pure nightmare.

I was shaking throughout the airport, thinking someone was going to pick me up above their head, like a wrestler might. That is how hostile the atmosphere was.

The TSA are ridiculous authoritarians. They march around like they are in a standing army.