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MSBKyle
Deinonychus
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Joined: 12 Aug 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 339
Location: Kent, Ohio

19 Dec 2021, 4:14 pm

I tend to have this notion that everything that I do has to be perfect. Any mistake that I make is not acceptable to me. Whenever I make a mistake, I get overwhelmed and beat myself up. For example, I started driving for DoorDash earlier this year. For those that don't know, DoorDash has customer ratings system as well as on time/early ratings, completion rating, and acceptance rating. During my first week, I received 2 one star ratings by customers. Even though I had received more five star ratings, I thought that I was no good at it and got discouraged at those 2 one star ratings. The one stars came from customers who said that I didn't follow instructions. To be fair, it was my first week doing it so I was still learning. After doing it for 8 months now, I still just have those 2 star ratings and over 80 five stars. I also get bothered by any minor imperfection in things that I own especially if they are important to me.

I can pay attention to detail so I can easily spot any tiny imperfection in something. I spend time trying to fix things that aren't broken. Whenever I try to fix something little it turns into something bigger. It would have been better to just leave the thing alone in the first place, but I have the compulsion to try to make something 100% better. Even if something is 99% flawless, I can't rest until it is 100% flawless. Whenever I am writing something online even after I have submitted it, I spend a lot of time editing it by taking sentences and words out, adding words and sentences, fixing misspelled words, and fixing any typo that I made. Whenever I read somebody else's comments online, they usually leave typos or misspell words and don't correct them. For me, I can't move on until I've corrected all of my mistakes. I feel that I have to be the best at everything that I do. I feel that everything that I own has to look perfect and can't have any scratches, stains, or scuff marks. It is exhausting being this way because I never feel satisfied and I just end up anxious and depressed when I could have just let the issue go without trying to fix it.



Lost_dragon
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19 Dec 2021, 8:28 pm

I think that the issue is that you are likely seeing your performance as a reflection of your worth. That although you are receiving praise, all you can focus on is the complaints as a form of evidence that you are not good enough to justify the praise.

Of course, you probably don't hold others to the same standard you hold yourself. Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a friend. I was insulting myself and worrying about the worst possible outcome, when she said "Hey, weren't you the one who told me to believe in myself? Why don't you listen to your own advice?"

I laughed and said something along the lines of "I see your point, but I decline".

Yet she brought up a good point. I wasn't being fair to myself. Unlearning to associate your performance with your worth is a difficult process. To think of it as an experiment that you are working on and to accept that failure is a part of that process, and that failure helps you learn how to adjust your approach for a more successful outcome, rather than as a reflection of your character. Admittedly I'm still working out how to do so.


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Aspinator
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19 Dec 2021, 8:38 pm

I have heard of businesses who won't hire someone unless they are on the spectrum. They value the perfectionism in their job.