Anyone here NOT have problems with Eye Contact?

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I’m a mid-age female, fit all the criteria for autism except eye contact. I’ve always had good eye contact. It’s never creeped me out, caused pain or anxiety, felt intrusive or intimate, made me feel naked or “stabbed in the soul,” never felt overwhelming, intimidating, burning or like looking at the sun, etc.

When someone speaks to me at length, my eyes lock on their left eye first. They stay there. I don’t know when it’s time to look at their right. Eventually I do while they continue talking. Then I look back to the left; it’s mostly the left. This has always had a “am I getting this right?” quality. I do it because in Western culture you’re supposed to. I have no problem keeping my eyes on theirs.

But sometimes the act of doing this makes me start wondering if they can “read” into me something about myself, how I feel about them, or something that’s not even true about me. Maintaining eye contact is a task, like shaking hands even though we don’t care to do it. I can’t help these thoughts, which begin setting in after about 10-15 seconds of sustained contact. I sometimes feel I’m staring too hard, but they never say anything about it. Sometimes it feels as if I haven’t blinked, even though I know I’ve blinked.

This entire phenomenon only exists with people outside the immediate family.

But I keep sustaining the eye contact because I don’t want them to think I’m disinterested. Often, these are service people whom I’m dependent on for a service, or someone at a family function whom I should not show disrespect to. I personally gain nothing from the eye contact.

They’ll usually break contact first unless it’s time for ME to talk. If they don’t break contact, I will because I’m talking. For the most part I do look them in the eyes when I’M talking at length, but my eyes will tend to drift to the side while I’m talking. I must remind myself to return my gaze to theirs—because my feeling is if I keep talking with my eyes to the side, they’ll think something’s wrong or not take my message seriously.

My eye contact feels “less hard” and “more natural” when the conversation is back and forth, like they say one or two sentences, then I do, and back and forth.

When I’m mad or want someone to know I MEAN BUSINESS or I’m NOT AFRAID OF YOU, I will bore my eyes through theirs. This is how to drive home a message or show of dominance if I feel that a man is scoping me out as a possible assault victim (like when I’m walking alone at night).

When I argue a point I give dead-on eye contact. I avoid eye contact with strangers unless they ask me for directions or I want to compliment them on a hairstyle. I have no problem making eye contact with cashiers or store employees I ask for help.

I’ve had lifelong autism traits but was never tested. But the more I read about other autistics’ experiences, the more I see myself, except for the eye contact (so many auties FEAR eye contact and can’t look for longer than a second).

My autie traits abound: Lots of stimming at home (I conceal in public). I’ve had more special interests than I can count including wood chipper deaths, shark attacks, heavy gravity, comas, racial mixes, spellings of Samoan surnames, and as a child, one of them was window shades. I usually have pedantic speech. Have info-dumped.

My idea of good small-talk is a brief chat about why the rescue dogs couldn’t find LIVE people trapped in the Florida condo collapse. Usually a serious face while others find something amusing; have been told I take things too seriously. Can find something funny but will rarely laugh. Feel much more empathy for someone’s unhappy experience only if I’ve experienced the same or similar.

No friends. Don’t date, never married. Always have been socially awkward, never fit in with ANY group in ANY environment, considered odd or strange, weird repetitive rituals, and certain sounds are intolerable like kids screaming/shrieking during play, and the sound of lip-to-lip kissing on TV. I notice details that others miss. HATE HATE HATE stickers on products and fruit, will not let my fingers come in contact with them. HATE clothing tags. Sounds like autism, right? But the eye contact ???

I’m well aware that some on the spectrum USED to struggle with eye contact but trained themselves to do well with it. This doesn’t count, because you once had struggles. I’ve never had struggles, so I’m wondering if anyone with a confirmed Aspie or Autism diagnosis has had the same eye contact situation as me. I plan on getting tested, but they book out far, and the suspense is agonizing.

I make eye contact naturally. The only time I become conscious of it is when I'm passing a stranger in the street. I just can't bring myself to make eye contact with a stranger, so I have to consciously make sure I'm not looking at them (although that doesn't stop them staring at me, which I can sense without looking). Otherwise, when I'm around people I know or going to get to know, or if it's the right cue to socially interact with a stranger, then I subconsciously make eye contact.
Even as a baby and a child I made eye contact.

I think i make eye contact as much as anybody else, but I've never really monitored myself.

I don't have big problems with it, except that I often forget about it, don't understand it very well, and kind of prefer not to do it very much, especially with people who I don't feel relaxed with, which probably means most people these days. But it's not painful or in any way impossible. It kind of gets in the way of my focussing on what they're saying, and it's not very helpful to me personally, but I've no great problem looking somebody in the eye if need be. I don't like it if somebody overdoes eye contact, but I think it's normal to feel a bit threatened when you're being stared at. And I don't like looking at the faces of people who are faking a smile, because I just want them to be straight with me. In my book it gets in the way of good communication if people fake expressions they don't feel.

I tend to think the ones with problems with eye contact are the ones who don't like it when somebody doesn't do it a lot. I knew a lady who barely looked at me when I had a conversation with her, but it was a good conversation, she listened carefully and made thoughtful replies, so as far as I was concerned it didn't matter, and I can't understand why anybody would have felt there was anything wrong with her. And I'm not sure that people in general are particularly insistent on "good eye contact." It can come over as rather shifty if you don't look at people at all and pointedly avert your gaze all the time, but beyond that I don't know that people mind so much. I suppose it depends on the culture.

The act itself, no.
Can perform it naturally however...

It won't be as natural whenever my mind is elsewhere -- like straining my hearing or distracted elsewhere.

So I'd either lip-read or perceive eye contact as a distraction itself.
Nonetheless, it's not something I force upon myself nor attempt to make habit out of it.

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Never had any problems making eye contact.
Well, I kind of have an issue with sometimes making too much eye contact, it has happened that people accuse me of staring at them. Totally not a conscious thing, I have been thinking recently that it is a way to try to read them, but IDK.

/Mats

Don’t tend to have too many problems with eye contact, except if I’m triggered or upset. Then I find it hard.
I’m often accused of staring too intently.

Thank you for all your responses; they are so reassuring. I really need the ASD diagnosis, as it will explain everything and tie up a lot of loose ends. I hope to keep reading even more responses, though, since the great preponderance of eye contact posts are about lack of it.

If you asked me last year I would have said I had completely normal eye contact my entire life (all 5 decades). When my evaluation said I had odd eye contact, I was in disbelief. Now that I have been paying attention to my eye contact, especially relative to my ND (not ASD) son (who has "typical" eye contact) and my ASD daughter (more like mine), ummmm, I can see that mine is not so "normal" (typical for NTs). Staring is completely comfortable for me (singular focus!) and I'm hard pressed to make eye contact when I'm insecure (an ironic situation). Personally I still feel like my eye contact is normal, but now that I understand "normal" is the way my son does it (he does not stare), I get the evaluation comment. Phooey. Who gets to say what "normal" is, eh?

Good luck with your evaluation!

Not at all however in a seemingly ironic way, some people who know of my presence
tend to look away from me whenever we see each other as if I am someone evil.

I haven't had any trouble making eye contact. Actually I've probably done the opposite

It should be noted though, that I do have a vision impairment, if I don't really look at something, there's a chance I'm not going to see it. And even when I'm directly looking at something, it's 'moving'. So from my stand point it's not like a 'soild stare'. Though it may look like that to others; I don't really know.

There were some nasty kids in the past that would ask me, "What are you staring at". And there was someone that passed along a comment that to a childhood friend of mine, that I intimidated the hell out of her. That I had "crazy eye contact"

I don't really have a problem with looking at someone's eyes. If I do divert my gaze it's more likely to do with me being self conscious about the way my eyes move.

I just tend to talk to people whilst staring at the lamp across the room...

as a child I was told off a lot for not looking at people when they spoke to me

just give me a verbal poke if I'm appearing ignorant or off with fairies somewhere, I can hear you..me ears are on the side of me head....i heard what you said

also told off for not always answering people or answering ages after they asked me

parents had my hearing tested, it was fine....

i am paying attention to you though

I have to consciously make myself make eye contact, but its very difficult to do that and concentrate on what they saying simultaneously

sometimes I look at them automatically but I'm 46 now not 15

i dont seem to
i was a non verbal autistic when i was small but my parents said i still made eye contact

I can fake eye contact if I absolutely have to (glancing at cheekbones or the forehead and looking away), but it makes me VERY uncomfortable. True eye contact makes me want to crawl out of my skin. Ughhhh!

That being said, I can't maintain it long at all.

I know other autistics that don't have any problem with it. I also know some autistics that have a tendency to stare or make inappropriate eye contact!