We have been newly assessed

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My girlfriend and I each had our autism assessment at a clinic in Salt Lake City, Utah yesterday, then drove straight back home to Northern Nevada.

It went well, I think, and was quite unsettling for me, at times, which I think is part of the goal, to "break you down" a bit, to reveal what may be unknowingly hidden?

The cognitive testing (IQ testing), especially, was very stressful for me, and I was practically shaking during parts of it. I think that my self-perception of intelligence has been the ONE cornerstone of my identity that I have firmly grasped onto for my entire adult life, through the many “trials and tribulations”, so confronting the objective reality of this aspect of “me” seemed very daunting. I totally understand the need to time responses in such testing, given the need to measure delayed processing. Given that I’m almost always able to take my time to think through whatever intellectual challenges are confronting me, having to respond as quickly as possible was a very useful way to make me more aware of the way, and the speed at which I consider problems.

I just had an intense night, thinking "Should I have also said this, and that, and the other thing, too?". I have been thinking of many additional data points regarding sensory issues, repetitive behaviors, in what ways I think I learned to adapt, socially, (to my limited extent), etc. Some of these points I had previously considered, and then had them slip away, due to not having been taking notes about my process of self-discovery, and perhaps some additional ones that have occurred just in the last day.

I emailed the clinician with an offer to write up something itemizing any additional information that seems relevant to me.

We have appointments to discuss the results (over video chat) on January 19th. I'm not sure if the written reports will be available then, too, or sometime after.

My mother will be contacted soon to give her version of what I was like as a child.

Darron

The diagnostic process does reveal things that you did want to be revealed or did not know about. It can be distressing and humbling.

I've opened up a document to take notes.

I have not been doing that during the previous months of "self-discovery". It's quite interesting to see how much ends up pouring out onto the screen, as bits and pieces from the past half-century that were previously not associated with any specific way of thinking are noticed and recorded...

Good luck! It sounds like you would be comfortable being: Have Aspergers - Undiagnosed. I recommend knowing where you can buy some champagne after the video chat.

It's good that your Mom could provide info. The Assessor probably liked that. Did you and your GF both participate in the other's assessment?

My bride participated in my first meeting with the Psychologist that assessed me and got "homework" to complete and return. My Dad is still alive but was 89 when I was assessed; the Psychologist did not speak to him directly and just had us ask him a few questions and relay the answers. (Dad still thinks clearly but I noted to the Psychologist that Dad might have an attitude problem. I think he would tire of an interview rather quickly.)

Good advice, except that I rather dislike Champagne. I'd prefer dark beer, perhaps?


I just got off of a long phone call with my mother.

We discussed some things for her to think about before her phone consult with the assessment Doc.
Certainly not with the intent of "coaching" her, I just mentioned some vague recollections of possibly relevant memories from my early childhood, to see if she could corroborate them, and perhaps spur additional memories of her own to make note of for the phone call. She's 76, and has some "literal holes in her brain", so being able to recall something that she previously remembered, under the stress of a phone interview may be difficult, thus the need for gradual memory recall and note-taking ahead of time.

I think my Mom is all worked up now to be assessed, as well. Our discussions of this matter, and the videos I sent to her to see on the topic brought her to a realization that she may well be on the Spectrum.


We will each be doing so via phone calls, when the Doc gets to it. I'm writing up a list of notes about her, thinking back over the 12 years we've been together.

My guess is that she will likely be below a diagnosable threshold, but I may be wrong.

As to me, the question seems more likely "Level I or Level II?"

My offer to write an email about myself with additional thoughts about the assessment was responded to thusly:

"I believe through the interviews and testing data (and upcoming phone calls) I have all the necessary information for the assessment, but if you wish to send a few thoughts, that information could be included if I receive them at least a week prior to your feedback."

Which I would interpret to mean:

“Don’t bother trying to further convince me that you’re on the Spectrum, you obsessive Aspie"

I was thinking about a time when I was in my first girlfriend's bedroom at her house (we were both age 30, for context). She was in the kitchen, on the phone with her Mom, telling her about me for the first time, describing the unemployed high school dropout that lives with his parents. To which (My GF told me), she responded with something like “Is he at least artistic?”.

I give her credit for being quite perceptive, though she was (apparently) one letter off!

This amuses me greatly, because, many years earlier, while listening to my Aunt talk to her youngest son about his poor report card, she read that his teacher had described him as “artistic”, which prompted me to say ”Are you sure she didn’t write “autistic”?”, which brought a BIG laugh from my Aunt…

At that time, my understanding of Autism was that it was essentially interchangeable with ret*d (As was my Aunt's understanding, presumably…).

I have also been recalling that well before that, my brother and I, and/or perhaps my friend used to use the word "Autism", pronounced in a drawn out, "ret*d" vocalization, as a universal insult to each other...

Karmic Revenge of the Universe?

I also knew virtually nothing about Autism. I was aware of the movie Rain Man but had never seen it and that was about it. I was completely unaware that there were also low severity Autistics and would have immediately dismissed any suggestion that I was Autistic.

It was at the end of 2018/beginning of 2019 that "Reality" hinted I should learn about Autism. I took the hint and was surprised that much of what I read about it sounded like it was about me! By the end of 2019 I was formally diagnosed. Then came:
-=-- holiday season,
-=-- tax season,
-=-- surgery season (I'm old),
-=-- and then a Pandemic.
so me and my diagnosis have not gone out much together, yet.

And it seems the Pandemic has been picked up for a third year!

But I was very happy to get the diagnosis. It explained so much. And I considered the Psychologist's diagnosis to be more credible than my own. Plus it cleared up whether I was almost Autistic or rather just nearly Autistic...which I was wondering. (Since coming to WP I have learned there are other explanations for many of the "symptoms" so there were other ways I could have gotten it wrong.)

But, dark beer? If you end up celebrating and that's how you celebrate then I suggest splurging on some really good dark beer, something better than what you usually have in the house.

Your girlfriend, however, presents a dilemma. You need to be prepared to either celebrate or console, depending upon what her diagnosis turns out to be. And you have to know her well enough to know whether to celebrate or console when you find out what her diagnosis is!

Good luck to both of you!

Me too. And, again; me too.

My therapist, who I've been with for seven years, really liked the psychologist who did my evaluation. The didn't talk until after I filled out the privacy paperwork et al but she was confident that this one would 'see' me. It turns out that she saw the autism but not the intelligence which sent my unflappable therapist into an emotional state that looked like one of mine. Like you, my self-perception of intelligence has been the one cornerstone of my identity. In fact, so much so that like I told my therapist - that may be the only aspect of my 'self' that I don't need confirmation from anyone for it to remain immutable. I believe, and it would be very difficult for someone to change my mind on this, that if she had seen the intelligence, she would have missed the autism.

Anyway, so glad you've got that part done and I'll be crossing my fingers with you as we wait.

When you get around to going out on the town with your diagnosis, I would suggest the accompaniment of a multiple personality diagnosis, as well, for security, at least for the first few times. Perhaps a Marine named "Rocky".


I can get the "good stuff", indeed. I don't even keep beer, normally, due to my silly low-carb diet.


I'm not quite sure how she'll take a positive OR a negative diagnosis. She entered into this process with me largely as a sign of support (much appreciated), but is much more skeptical than I am regarding the validity of a diagnosis. While I agree with her that assessment is an imperfect science, it seems good enough to be of significant value to at least some.

Her life experience thus far has been much closer to a "conventionally successful standard", though she does recognize the MANY ways in which she differs from the "norm". She's just not willing to put as much value as I do (or hope to) on what she considers largely just a label.

I'm not actually looking forward to the result, whichever way it goes. The independent nature of it is mainly what appeals. I expect no profundity from the result, just a possible sense of greater peace when contemplating what I have gone through in life, and the possibility of tempering at least a bit of what's likely to challenge me in the future.


Thanks.

Thanks!

I think I may ask during the feedback session to be given the results of the cognitive portion of my assessment in non-numerical terms, for now, assuming that the full written report will be coming along at a later date.

This would seem to be a good idea, given that I am likely to focus too much on the damn numbers, as I am very highly "metric" oriented, in many aspects of life, and would probably do well to delay the consideration of that until after the feedback has summed up the overall results, and I have time to integrate the more nebulous aspects of the results.

Delayed gratification (or sorrow) seems to be a potentially valuable experience.

Oops, turns out I was mistaken about my girlfriend being interviewed about me. Because my mother is still alive, the early life evidence that she can provide suffices, apparently.

Because my girlfriend is an orphan, she will have two people consulted about her:
One, a friend since about age 14, and me...

I just finished the telemedicine talk with the ASD assessment Doc. in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Result:
Autism Spectrum Disorder - Level I
Major Depressive Disorder (NOT bipolar)
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Cognitive assessment:
Very strong in most areas, not as strong in short-term memory and speed of processing.
I have not seen the "scores" for the cognitive testing yet, as I asked her before this feedback session to not give me any quantified results in this area. I can read them in the written report later.

Everything she said synced perfectly with what I had determined on my own.

I will get the written report soon, after I sign a release of information form that is to be emailed to me.

My girlfriend will be hearing the results of her assessment on Friday.

Darron

Congrats, Darron!

I remembered that this was your big day and I was eager to see how your appointment went - so thanks for the update!

It's always so nice to feel validated.

Celebrate!

Thanks!


For the moment, my celebrations will likely be restricted to having a nice lie-down and chill-out session.

Darron

My heart rate during and after the assessment feedback session, according to my 99-cent fitness watch:



I had been sitting still in my desk chair for quite some time before the beginning of this recording.
My sleeping heart rate goes under 60BPM at times, for reference...

Darron