Why I Don't Want To Live if I Can Never Have a Girlfriend

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cyberdad
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19 Jan 2022, 6:52 pm

What were you majoring in? Do an Arts degree and I guarantee you'll get a g/f



Mona Pereth
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19 Jan 2022, 8:49 pm

Arts are something relatively few people can make a living at, so I would hesitate to recommend that GrandInquisitor major in arts, but perhaps taking a few arts courses might be a good idea?


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Slailie01
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20 Jan 2022, 11:26 am

Hey OP I'm a 28 year old woman who has been autistic diagnosed since 1994. I didn't experience sexy time or kissing until 19 and that was with a sicko who lied and gave me a std . Thankfully I'm cured and long since moved on . At 28 I've had 4 male partner and 2 female . For me it's not about how soon can I get laid or how good they look it's about personality , interests , I have dated complete lazy people who don't work and drive their grandmas car and I have dated a autistic man who lives in Denmark and I even dated a man I met over Everquest the game , dated and got laid many times with this guy and still ended up moved back home heartbroken. I can't say at 28 I " settled " for someone , rather he was kind and sweet and despite being disabled physically with a wheelchair and trachea tube permanently placed preventing physical voice talking . I love him deeply because he unlike many men i was with before , didn't put sexy time first and wanted to get to know me . No I'm not a model beautiful girl I'd say at my weight and shaved head I'm below average but he sees me as a Queen and I'm okay with that . So OP please don't say you want to die if you don't get a GF . It will happen if you find a place to look and mingle . Discuss topics you have in common and above all, be a gentleman . Not a cocky jock , not a businessman with the BMW, just be you . You will find that girl and she will make you think , why'd I even imagine dying .



WantToHaveALife
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23 Jan 2022, 12:10 pm

posts like this depress me and make me mad



MXH
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23 Jan 2022, 3:31 pm

Im going to speak from my own opinion and life here, though I certainly felt the way you do 6+ years ago. it wasn't until recently that things changed for me. And honestly I don't know what changed them. Ive made no changes in myself, how I interact with others, etc. outside of just knowing a lot more people. But even that doesn't explain changes in dating apps. But I am now in a position where I get tons of attention from women. from the very shy hoping I make a move to the obvious "lets go to my place for the night". And its made me realize that all this time feeling such unwanted has definitely emotionally damaged me. To a point where I don't think I can have a gf and feel comfortable with her being with me. I still have the same desire for that, but I know that ill likely be a cause of pain in a relationship. Especially with inexperience added on. The closest I can come is just hooking up.

And while yes, it is infinitely a better upgrade from being completely alone. It does not change the personal feelings of being unwanted and detached. And my own coping mechanisms from all that time previously are likely to keep me like this.



The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Jan 2022, 3:51 pm

MXH wrote:
Im going to speak from my own opinion and life here, though I certainly felt the way you do 6+ years ago. it wasn't until recently that things changed for me. And honestly I don't know what changed them. Ive made no changes in myself, how I interact with others, etc. outside of just knowing a lot more people. But even that doesn't explain changes in dating apps. But I am now in a position where I get tons of attention from women. from the very shy hoping I make a move to the obvious "lets go to my place for the night". And its made me realize that all this time feeling such unwanted has definitely emotionally damaged me. To a point where I don't think I can have a gf and feel comfortable with her being with me. I still have the same desire for that, but I know that ill likely be a cause of pain in a relationship. Especially with inexperience added on. The closest I can come is just hooking up.

And while yes, it is infinitely a better upgrade from being completely alone. It does not change the personal feelings of being unwanted and detached. And my own coping mechanisms from all that time previously are likely to keep me like this.


In some cases, one can be too damaged to be functional for any romantic commitment.

Even my 40yo gf (who is not seeking for commitment) keeps wondering why I’ve never been married, and I dunno where to start to tell her why, basically it’s my life’s story.


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11 Mar 2022, 7:01 am

MXH wrote:
Im going to speak from my own opinion and life here, though I certainly felt the way you do 6+ years ago. it wasn't until recently that things changed for me. And honestly I don't know what changed them. Ive made no changes in myself, how I interact with others, etc. outside of just knowing a lot more people. But even that doesn't explain changes in dating apps. But I am now in a position where I get tons of attention from women. from the very shy hoping I make a move to the obvious "lets go to my place for the night".

What changed? Probably, you just got older. Most (though not all) hetero women prefer men who are at least a few years older than themselves.

MXH wrote:
And its made me realize that all this time feeling such unwanted has definitely emotionally damaged me. To a point where I don't think I can have a gf and feel comfortable with her being with me. I still have the same desire for that, but I know that ill likely be a cause of pain in a relationship.

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you can find a way to work through these feelings (perhaps with help from a therapist?) and find a healthy relationship.


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cyberdad
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11 Mar 2022, 4:39 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Even my 40yo gf (who is not seeking for commitment) keeps wondering why I’ve never been married, and I dunno where to start to tell her why, basically it’s my life’s story.


Congratulations :D

You kept that on the quiet.



Benjamin the Donkey
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11 Mar 2022, 10:49 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Arts are something relatively few people can make a living at, so I would hesitate to recommend that GrandInquisitor major in arts, but perhaps taking a few arts courses might be a good idea?


It depends on what sort of art. For example, there's a lot of demand for people with technical filmmaking and design skills.


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15 Mar 2022, 6:51 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
posts like this depress me and make me mad

Posts like which one? The original post, or the post immediately above yours?


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lostonearth35
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15 Mar 2022, 7:15 pm

Why does anyone want a girlfriend? Is it because:

a)They want sex from a woman and nothing else?

b) Society has made them believe that without a girlfriend they are a failure as a man?

c) They want someone who will take care of all their needs as if they were a child, such as cooking and doing chores for them?

d) They want someone they can love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally in return?

If the answer is d), get a dog.



The Grand Inquisitor
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17 Mar 2022, 8:30 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
Why does anyone want a girlfriend? Is it because:

a)They want sex from a woman and nothing else?

b) Society has made them believe that without a girlfriend they are a failure as a man?

c) They want someone who will take care of all their needs as if they were a child, such as cooking and doing chores for them?

d) They want someone they can love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally in return?

If the answer is d), get a dog.

For me, over time, an overwhelming number of reasons have accrued, though some are more prominent than others. In any case, I'll respond to your listed reasons with where I'm at with them.

a) It's definitely more than just sex I'm looking for. I'm quite sure I have ED, so I'm worried about how that'll play out if/when I finally do meet someone interested in engaging sexually with me.

In any case, wanting to experience the kind of physical pleasure that is uniquely derived from being intimate with a woman I'm attracted to (not necessarily just sex; touching, kissing, being in her presence, being accepted by her) is up there with the most pertinent reasons I'm interested in getting a girlfriend.

So why don't I go and see a sex worker? More recently I've looked into it, but what I would want doesn't seem to be on offer. A large part of the appeal of being intimate with a woman is feeling desired by someone I also desire, and mutually expressing that desire physically. The best a sex worker could do is pretend to be into me, and I'm not satisfied with just pretence.

There's a specific physical feature that I find myself particularly attracted to, so if a sex worker had it, that would be enough to make a visit worthwhile, but I've looked extensively through the escorts in my area and none of them seem to have it. To be clear, this physical feature doesn't have to be present for me to consider dating someone (though it's a big plus), but if I'm having to be reduced to paying for intimacy from somebody who's just doing a job, I'm not interested in settling for anything less than what I ultimately want.

b) The fact that it's abnormal to be my age and have no real previous romantic experience, and the consequent implication that I'm not worthy of a woman's romantic interest only serves to exacerbate my discontentment with the situation and make me feel extremely insecure and inadequate, and alienated from the rest of society. The original source of my discontentment is my own perpetually unfulfilled desires.

c) I'm not looking for a mother. I'm looking for an equal partner. Assuming we worked the same number of hours, I'd expect chores to be split roughly 50/50. Though it'd be nice having someone there to support me when I need it, and I would readily reciprocate when she needs my support.

d) I'd like to ultimately find a life partner, but finding unconditional love is fairly low on the list. I'm more concerned with getting my first relationship than my last relationship (though I'm also open to my first relationship being my last relationship). I'm primarily interested in finally hitting those elusive milestones and getting to have experiences with a woman that I've craved for so long.