What does it mean if you are in-between NT and Aspie?

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BAP
Broader Autism Phenotype
You have some autistic traits
Not a full complement
There can still be struggles with those you have

Don't think of it as not fitting in. People on the autism spectrum are not protective of that status. We believe self-diagnosis is just as valid as a psychologist's diagnosis, particularly because official diagnoses are not readily available and can be too expensive for many people.

Struggling with traits that you share with autistic folks means those folks can empathize (yes we have empathy) and offer advice.

What is APD?


There are a lot more than just a few struggles I can guarantee that

It wasn't my intention to be dismissive.
I have no doubt that your struggles are real.
Like others have said, that test is only a small potato in the diagnostic process.
Best thing would be to seek out an official diagnosis if you want yea or nay confirmation.
Good luck!

APD stands for Avoidant Personality Disorder. I've only read a little bit about it from a previous link on your post and a brief google search.

I suppose "fitting in" was a poor choice of words on my part. What I was really trying to say is; I've always looked for people that have brains that work in a similar way to mine, and so far I haven't found any in my area. I can relate to a lot of the things people post on WP though so there must be some sort of connection to that. So I was saying that being "in-between" (poor choice of words but I don't know how to say it any other way) would mean that the way my brain works is different from either NTs or NDs. Not such a happy thought. For most of my life I've been quite proud and protective of the fact that I don't think or act like other people. It became part of my personality, and made me feel like I had something that other people don't. But the older I get the less I feel this way. I'm at the point now where it just feels like isolation.

The specific way my brain works... well I don't know how to explain that. It would take a lot of posts to transcribe. It's some sort of combination of high intelligence, lack of empathy, always thinking about the big picture rather than the small scale, an obsessive relationship with the truth, either an inability or complete lack of desire for small talk, very limited emotions, constantly calculating and assessing every situation I'm in, and a sense of humor that others find baffling. Just to name a few.

Oooh, I did read a little about that. I only read a small portion of that article because it was very apparent that that diagnosis isn't for me. One of the people I have been following on Youtube for quite some time almost definitely has that. He's a great personality in his videos, but he finds social situations nearly impossible to participate in.

Her is my thought experiment for your enjoyment since you scored up high in the intellectual part.

Supposed, personality can be placed in clusters: a M cluster, a B cluster and a S cluster. M=mad B=bad S=sad

You don’t sound mad (crazy) or sad. That leaves Bad. If you were a psychopath or a sociopath you would like small talk so that one is out.

I need more information to go further.

I read it more as someone not picking a people person job because of an aversion. We all have to do what we have to do but I imagine some people if given a choice avoid things.

It is not a rare thing at 3% It doesn’t necessarily mean someone can’t do social situations like order food at a drive through. I see it more as not volunteering to sing a solo, not dating or being under employed.

Maybe my read of it is wrong. I kinda doubt it.

I am always second guessing myself about it too. I am also not officially diagnosed, my psychiatrist doesn't want me to put on a label on myself, but i know for sure that me and my father's side of the family is not normal. There is something hereditary there that also affects me.

I have read a lot about all kinds of disorders and mental illnesses but nothing comes as close as autism.

Yeah I'm in the exact same boat. But about your therapist, I assume you might be leaving something out there? Just giving them the benefit of the doubt, I think most therapists understand the relief it can bring to finally put a name on something that you have been dealing with all your life. There can be a lot of positive effects to classifying aspects of your self.

Maybe they were referring to the danger of blaming everything on a diagnosis so that you don't have any motivation to improve because "that's just the way I am". Not sure.

I think it's because i used to be scared of the label, hated myself and had no motivation to do anything, like you said. I was in a very bad mental place when i started seeing that therapist, even though it wasn't necessarily related to autism. She might have thought it wouldn't do me any good to label myself.

^Your country needs someone like you----to offset the authoritarian tide.

I can never be "in-between NT and Aspie."

That's because I had a speech delay, and was demonstrably "classically autistic" until about age 5. Then Aspie-like afterwards.

It is quite evident to most that I'm not a "normal" person. I haven't achieved much in my life, really, though I could have based upon my tested intelligence and other things. I've been on my job 41 years, and never made supervisor.

For some reason, though, I don't lament my life most of the time. I'm fortunate in many ways. I could have easily gone down a bad path---but I didn't. I just sort of 'live for the moment and the future."

@kraftie: I lost all hope about that long ago. I am just looking for a simple life, a stable job even if doesn't pay much etc. I think it is the biggest success in life to have a stable life.