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goldfish21
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12 Jan 2022, 12:20 pm

Recent new friend over the last 4-5 months. After discussing mutual attraction, we made out a few weeks back and then hooked up on new years. I'm not exactly his main type ((female) which is fine, we like what we like) But, it was incredibly hot - I think for both of us - and he's said they see a fwb thing between us moving forward. (which I'm okay with) But Of Course (despite red flags of life choices/circumstances - mostly drug use habits that need to be kicked again; which is why they're in a detox/rehab place to get clean right now) I find myself thinking it'd be nice to be with him.. naturally, of course, because everyone wants what they can't have lol. Of course, of course! lol it's always the way - just thought I'd share. In the meantime, even as friends with sexual benefits I'm truly solidly good with that - and if seldom or never sexual again, I'm Also good with that. He has his issues, but really truly is a good soul and someone I can see remaining friends with no matter what. 8)

Not really sure what the point of this one is. Not really asking for advice here - I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna carry on as is when he's back from his drying out staycation and then IF things stay exactly the same and we hookup here and there, sweet. If things change and get more serious despite him saying fwb, then I might just roll with that, and if they get less sexual and we're just friends that hangout or have each other's backs when needed - okay, cool. I'm basically not going to force any particular agenda and just go with the flow and enjoy having a new friend + whatever else does or doesn't come along with it. Guess I'm more just sharing to share, put my thoughts on it out there, share that I too have odd relationship dynamics and difficulties. Feel free to comment - or not. :)


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HighLlama
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12 Jan 2022, 4:46 pm

I hope it works out to your mutual benefit :)



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12 Jan 2022, 4:52 pm

Sounds like you got a plan and it's good for you. Lot of options and no pressure on yourself, if I reading it right. WTG!



goldfish21
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17 Jan 2022, 4:11 pm

Mmhmm, a plan to just go with the flow and enjoy a new friend turned fwb.

Can’t help but think of the possibility of it being something more, though. Especially since he’s said he didn’t realize he could be this attracted to a guy, and made a comment about how his parents might react if we dated - so obviously the thought has crossed his mind.

Yet he’s also been very transparent about saying he sees us as solid friends with some side benefits vs dating.

Soo, some slightly mixed signals, and since I don’t want to lose him as a friend I won’t push for anything in particular and will basically just let things happen as they happen and just go with whatever is or isn’t meant to be. I don’t have expectations that he’ll change his mind, but in some ways I hope so, but still - I’m not gonna push any agenda as that’d be a recipe for pushing him away vs maintaining a good friendship.

Just.. can’t help but think about it though - and I am enjoying the thoughts at least vs tormenting myself lol. It’s so rare that I actually like someone vs just want to hookup with them, so can’t help but think about possibilities. At least it’s all enjoyable thought exercises vs frustrating or anything. 8)


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goldfish21
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24 Jan 2022, 1:07 pm

20 days since I’ve heard from him. Fingers crossed hoping that he’s simply
in a detox/rehab facility with no phone privileges. 2nd place would be if his phone got broken/lost/stolen. Absolute worst case would be if one last pre-detox bender was fatal -> but I don’t really think so; he was at least careful to consume dangerous drugs in methods that were safer. Also, I checked out his Facebook profile and no activity there —> OD deaths are so common these days that after they happen and word spreads, friends/family post messages of condolences etc on FB, especially during Covid when crowds haven’t been gathering.

Soo ya, hopefully he’s just going through withdrawals and his phone is being kept from him semi-voluntarily so he can’t do anything stupid like contact a dealer etc. I don’t think he will - he was sober before Covid for 4 years and truly Wanted to get there again, made all the calls to get registered in these places and go when a bed came up etc. IMO, he has a great chance at success vs those who are being made to go but don’t really want to do it for themselves.

First new friend I’ve made in quite a while that I actually like and care about, sooo, hoping he’s doing ok and we get to hangout again - even just platonically I mean. I like his attitude, sense of humour, general personality & values. 8)


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blazingstar
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25 Jan 2022, 6:38 am

I wish the best for you and your friend however it turns out.


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goldfish21
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30 Jan 2022, 1:36 pm

blazingstar wrote:
I wish the best for you and your friend however it turns out.


Thanks! :)

Still no word. I hope that just means he's taking detox/rehab seriously or maybe his phone broke/got lost/stolen vs. anything worse. He owes me a small amount of money! :lol: Ha, no, not seriously concerned about the couple bucks.

I did receive a parcel of a printed hoodie I ordered online on his behalf, though. Would def be nice to gift it to him (instead of accept payment for it as agreed) when he's out with a clear sober head. 8)


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goldfish21
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08 Mar 2022, 12:36 am

He's still alive. Contacted me Friday, we hung out on the weekend. Definitely has made progress on sobriety but isn't quite there yet - a work in progress. Taking next steps for further improvement. I definitely like that he takes personal responsibility for his self created issues and then takes action to deal with them.

Overall I'd say I'm more into him than he is into me, and tbh we're still quite a ways apart on sobriety and some other things. Chances are unlikely that we'll ever date, but very very good that we'll remain long term friends - which I'm okay with. 8)


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goldfish21
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08 May 2022, 8:58 pm

Hadn’t seen or heard from him in a couple weeks - which isn’t abnormal. Met up and went for sushi at a funky place in Kitsilano last night, caught up a bit, went for a drive had a smoke etc.

Juuuust waiting for him to come out to my car now so we can go see The Batman finally. Been meaning to for a month. He’s chronically later than me tho. :lol:

It’s nice to see him, put better thoughts and plans in his head than he’s got, keep him on track towards better. Plus he’s smokin’ hot so that’s all good, too. Definitely a friend I hope I have forever.


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klanka
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09 May 2022, 3:48 am

I started following this thread like it was a romance novel, the bit where he went into rehab was like the will he/won't he thing , like a cliffhanger.

I guess you were not feeling good during that time though



goldfish21
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09 May 2022, 4:43 am

klanka wrote:
I started following this thread like it was a romance novel, the bit where he went into rehab was like the will he/won't he thing , like a cliffhanger.

I guess you were not feeling good during that time though


Ya, was worried about him when he was out of contact for so long.

Was good to see him again this wknd and hangout, but I think he’s back to using more of at least some drugs again and really needs to get back to treatment Or just quit cold turkey and be sick for a month of withdrawals - he even stated that very thing early this eve so that’s not just what I think, he said it. So ya that’s frustrating because then behaviours are.. space cadet - Zero sense of time, and that gets annoying. I’m late for things but this is next level lateness.

But he’s alive and well and okay overall, so thats good. Just needs to refocus and get back on track better than he is now. I mean, he’s better now than 5 months ago.. but still not where he needs to be yet so has to keep moving forward with next right moves not steps backwards.


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goldfish21
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08 Jun 2022, 1:29 pm

I saw him about a week and a half ago. We hooked up again for the 5th or 6th time. It was, as usual, absolutely smokin' hot for both of us. No complaints about that.

He's way ahead of where he was with drug use 10 months ago, but has slipped a lot lately and Knows he needs to go back to detox, then treatment, and over the last month or two said the smartest thing I've ever heard him say: that after that he should just fully commit to being sick for a month and kicking his prescription dependency, too. I've told him that'd be a very wise move. He just turned 23 and has a long life ahead of him. Also, once he kicks his habits and gets back to sobriety like he had for 4 years before Covid derailed his routines, our conversations can shift to rock climbing, cycling, hot yoga, & beach trips etc.. maybe some work/career/life stability stuff - but not cycles of addiction. He Knows and agreed.

I've exchanged a few texts with his mom (I have her number as he texted her from my phone a couple times) and keep her posted on when I see him to let her know he's alright. He went through like 5 cell phone numbers in 6 weeks because phones kept getting stolen while he slept - rough roommates.. Anyways, after our last hangout we had a long chat, I bought him some groceries & essentials as an early birthday gift but refused to give him cash to enable one last night of drugs, he had committed to himself to go to detox the next morning. I had hoped he did. His mom let me know he called from detox and said he couldn't get admitted instantly as there was a 2-3 week wait and she told him to go to another centre in a nearby city and he said he would think about it. I hope that's where he went but I don't Know. It is good to know he was seriously ready for detox and Did go that next day - he tried to call me, too, but I was out on a 700km motorcycle ride.

Not 100% sure if he did get into detox somewhere, but I Hope So. I hope that's why I haven't heard from him.. he's busy sweating out drugs somewhere with no phone privileges so he can't call dealers. Only time will tell when I hear from him again. I know I will - we're good friends and I know that even though he was momentarily pissed off that I wouldn't give him any cash, he appreciates our conversations and my advice/encouragement to get his life back on track saying the things he already knows but Knows he needs to hear again - especially from someone who cares about him that's not obligated to care about him.

Blah blah blah, this friendship will continue. I'm still far more attracted to him than I Should Be lol - on paper there are so many red flags you'd think I'd be like LOL F this guy no fkn way! ..but attraction doesn't work that way. It's a weird balance, really.. liiiike if he was into it I'd stop sleeping with other people to be with him, however, I know he's more attracted to girls than guys/me and realize he doesn't have the same sort of feelings & in so many ways that's such a blessing lol because if we ever were to be together then I'd have to deal with his hot mess of a life full time. :lol: Mmmmaybe we're just meant to have this part time intermittent fwb thing going on - and if so, so be it.. it is a wonderful thing. He is a truly beautiful human inside and out, our conversations about self improvement and progress are very real vs. him pretending to listen and not taking any decisive action to improve, and ofc, the occasional hookups are next level smokin' hot. 8)

Annnnyways, that's the update. More of the same. Haven't heard from him for a week or so and Hope it's because he's detoxing and moving forward with the things he knows he needs to do so he can move forward with his life again and we can have an ever better friendship focused on other things vs. cycles of addiction. I have faith that he/we will get there in due time - I just hope it's sooner rather than later. :) (I think me being firm on not enabling him is a catalyst in forcing that good change, too. As much as it pissed him off in the moment at the end of our last hangout, I believe he Knows it's the right move for both of us.)


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goldfish21
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Yesterday, 6:27 pm

Just heard from him for the first time in almost month. He's doing better. Managed to get into detox for a week and is now awaiting a spot in treatment and Mostly staying sober for now. He's staying at a safer place than he was in before, too, so that's good. Pending I don't have any other obligations, we're planning on meeting up and hanging out sometime tmw or tmw eve. He also let me know he managed to get out of his legal issues with no criminal charges, just has to check in with a PO for 2 years and stay out of trouble. Annd he also told me his mom was talking about me and his a bit of a soft spot for me (aaaaw!) as she appreciates that I'd text her and tell her when I hear from him & that he's doing Okay. :)

I really hope this is the beginning of his next very long spell of sobriety - like the 4 years he had going for him pre-covidtimes. Longer than 4 years would be ideal ofc.


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blazingstar
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Yesterday, 6:36 pm

Good to hear, goldfish. I wish him continued success in recovery and of course wish you well, too.


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goldfish21
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Yesterday, 6:47 pm

blazingstar wrote:
Good to hear, goldfish. I wish him continued success in recovery and of course wish you well, too.

Thanks! :)

He truly is a beautiful human and I hope he stays on a better path and that we remain friends for life. He has expressed in the past that he’d like to remain friends forever, so it’s good that we’re both on that same wavelength.


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