Of course.

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^funnily enough, he mentioned wanting more friends in his life. Hopefully they’re sober ones and he learns to behave more like them. Maybe he’ll meet and click with some of my friends, but I’m not gonna push that. If he wants to come to the beach then he’ll meet my friends there.

He spent a few days last weekend. Pros and cons, good to keep him out of trouble but this visit was a pita because he kept doing crap drugs that knocked him out so I was babysitting a bit. At least I was able to have some convos about Why he’s using and detox and goals etc.

At one point he asks if I wanna date him and it’s like wtf you said you didn’t wanna and listed your reasons soooo I don’t think we should be having this convo rn or making any decisions like that - no chance I could date someone in that state. He needs to detox and get his life together and back on track again, use negatives and traumas as motivation to get better vs triggers to use hard drugs.

If he keeps in touch I’ll visit him/take him to visit his parents and some old friends. Hopefully the reconnections motivate him to get his s**t together and out of that life before it totally destroys him.

He's come and spent a night or weekend a few times recently. Hardcore into addiction. This time I gave him quite the lecture about his behaviour and our interactions. Out of spite, he stole something of sentimental value to me - which is a major breach of trust. Not happy about that. Probably won't hear from him for a while and certainly won't have him over at my home while he's in this state. Will be much shorter and blunt with him - like "Oh, are you calling me for a ride to a detox/treatment centre?"

Might not hear from him for a couple months or so now. Who knows. A couple days ago he said he wanted to keep in touch and be in frequent communication/contact - ok, sure, But not like this - better. But after that stunt I doubt I'll hear from him for several weeks. Time will tell.

Damn. That sucks. Sorry that's how things played out. Yeah, I'm guessing you're right about not hearing from him for a while. Unfortunately, that's generally how it goes with that sort of thing though.

It's a rough path you're on, caring for someone with addiction issues. But I'm not saying anything you don't know. I wish I had something better to say than sorry that happened. It sucks when addiction grabs onto amazing people.

Yep. All that stuff.

But I made it clear I wasn’t going to spend my life monitoring his vital signs and picking him up off the floor every few hours when he blacks out on drugs. Definitely not interested in spending my time & energy hanging out with him like that over and over. So, level up and get better and participate in life again, or don’t and keep that s**t away from me.

I especially cannot have that BS in my life if I do end up as guardian to my teenaged God son who’s living in a situation he should leave. In many ways I’m hoping that happens for the kids sake, but in some ways I hope it happens so I can tell this one look I told ya - kid in my life = I CanNot have you in my life in this state sooo change, big time, or choose not to be in my life.

Just checking in to say I’m sorry the situation continues. Of course I hope he gets sober and maybe he will some day.

How is your God child doing? I was hoping he would be with you by now.

Yeah, for sure. Boundaries are important in any relationship but soooo much more so when addictions are involved. Maybe that's the wrong way of saying that...more important. It's just different and the wiggle room available is like nonexistent. I don't blame you. It's hell watching someone you care about self destruct in front of you. I ended two relationships over that sort of thing. I couldn't do it and they couldn't stop it.

Understood. Kids add a whole new dimension to that. Being around that sort of thing does them no good. They soo need stability and safety. More so when they come from a rough spot to begin with. I gotta say, good on you for looking out for your godson. I hope things work out for on that end for you to. Looks like you have a lot on your plate.

I your friend can find whatever it is that he needs to knock it off and get help. I'm pulling for him.

He’s alive and stuff but the wicked cruel legal guardian has isolated him from his family completely so he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving. I updated the Haven thread a bit tdy so carry on there.

Thx.

Ya, the kid isn’t with his bio mom because of her addictions that make her unfit to be a parent. So no way I could have that crap around him.

Ya a lot going on. Plus it may be the end of the line for my father’s 7 year battle with cancer any time now.

Sooo ya it’s a good thing I’m not working rn/don’t need to for bill paying money. Too many other things & stresses etc - work obligations could be met, but would make things just exhausting.

Things are forever changed now.

His mom sent me a voice recording at 10:25pm last night while I was outside carrying on with landscaping work. She's never sent an audio recording before, only texts. Obviously I knew it was bad news, and my instant assumption was that he had overdosed and possibly died. I thought about listening to the memo later, but knew I'd be anxious so may as well just listen to it in the moment.

In a drug induced psychosis (his drug use has gotten Very Bad lately, and along with it mental health.) he showed up at his parents place and stabbed his mother 10 times. She survived and has a surgery scheduled for Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm guessing she's in a hospital right now. Her voice sounded good, strong, clear etc. She said 10 cops were out looking for him and advised that if he contacts me or I see him to call 911 as he needs to be apprehended and forced into some form of treatment/face the repercussions of his actions etc. He may also be psychotic and dangerous. She also said they don't know if he's even still alive, and that's a good thing to question, really.. as after doing something like that someone might just go and unalive themselves with a hot shot of drugs or something.

I let her know that I haven't heard from him since he left unhappy with me a couple weeks ago, and that if I do hear from him or if he does show up at my house I'll call 911 as this is far beyond my capacity to help him with. She thanked me and said he belongs in a hospital. True, he does, and maybe he'll be forced into one if he's alive, or maybe he'll simply be locked up in jail.

It's pretty awful stuff. Over the last month or so he's expressed a few times that his parents favour his younger brother.. invite him to things, buy him gifts, give him money etc. Said his mom did when he was doing well for 4 years and going to school etc. I told him that's their style, reward behaviour they're okay with, tough love and refusal to enable addiction. He also blames them for kicking him out of the house as a teenager, blames them for him becoming an addict under those circumstances. Thing is, he told me they kicked him out at 14 for being trans, and then he became an addict due to environment and ppl he was around. When I talked to one of his long time friends to share this sad news last night, he told me that's a lie - his parents were okay with him being trans, they kicked him out when he was ~15 because of his drug use that they did not condone happening in their home. Maybe that contributed to him getting worse, but it's not their fault and the truth seems different than his story. Either way, I would tell him that maybe they made parenting mistakes, but he has to take personal responsibility for his own actions and drug use and decide for himself to be healthier, happier - detox/treatment etc.

As f****d up as it all is; if he's still alive and ends up institutionalized or in jail for a few years or whatever, if he reaches out to contact me I'll still communicate with him depending on how he communicates with me. Obviously this is life changing for him and his parents/family etc as well as for any potential relationship dynamic he and I had, and while he isn't my problem to solve or fix, I still feel like I would talk with him.. especially if he's remorseful and takes dramatic action to improve himself. If everyone he's ever had as a friend excommunicates him, then he will have no chance of ever healing and will certainly continue in his downward spiral until he dies. If he's still alive, And he deserves an ear/communication, I'll talk to him. If he contacts me and doesn't deserve my ear or words, I'll tell him so and tell him to get to work on himself to earn a place to be in contact with me kind of thing. Something like that.

Terrible news

While you want him to have someone to talk to under any circumstances, your top priority is clearly the safety of both yourself and the kid you might become responsible for. Be very careful.

Yes, certainly. But that doesn't mean I won't talk on the phone or maybe even visit somewhere sometime.

That is, of course, assuming he's still alive right now and that scenario ever comes to fruition.

But no, I won't be putting myself in danger nor would I ever endanger a child - even though he's 15, tall and strong, no minor needs to be around drug use and especially not drug induced psychosis.

The whole situation is just sad as he's really truly a beautiful person full of potential who made some terrible decisions and then became his own worst enemy instead of striving to improve, trying what he could to help himself and accept & utilize the help of others. Things could have turned out so much differently for him and his life, his family, friends, education/work/career/sports & rec etc.

It's technically still possible for him to have a future that's brighter than his recent existence, but only if he Works for it and makes it happen. (Assuming he's still alive.. and that's a big assumption all things considered.)

He phoned me 15 mins ago or so. Chatted. Told him I’d had a few beers (possibly just enough to be over the legal limit of 0.05 actually) so can’t drive anywhere tonight. Asked if I wanna meet up or if he can come over tmw around Noon after an appointment. Told him I haven’t been leaving the house almost 24/7 as I’m tending to my father as needed. (True) Told him it’s a stressful emotional time and I haven’t been making any commitments or going out or seeing anyone. (True except family visiting here.) Said he wouldn’t take it personally that I don’t wanna commit to hanging out (good of him) and said he’d call me in a week and touch base. (I said that would be fine.) I did not even mention that I checked my drawer and know he stole from me - maybe he doesn’t even remember doing it I dunno, but probably would recall it if I called him out on it.. that was already a reason I can’t have him in my home in this state, loss of trust.

Got off the phone. Had a 10 second chat with my mother basically just to say out loud that I should call 911 and report where he is and called from. Then I did - I didn’t have a file number but I think I have enough info and ID information for them to look up the case file.

As his mother said concisely in a text - he needs to be in a hospital. I hope they pick him up right away tonight. Time will tell. If it’s right now, he’ll likely figure out how they knew he was there and know I knew and called it in. Obviously it was the right thing to do and I know it. It’s also the best thing for him and his best chance of staying alive and getting healthier, too. And I made a promise to his mother that I would call 911 if he contacted me.

But I still have some mixed emotions over it right now. I’m sure he’ll feel I betrayed him. It’s just complicated when you’ve had such strong feelings for a person and shared many very intimate moments together, not just some random hookup but meaningful sex with a very real connection. So, yeah.. what a mind f**k tonight has just turned into.


Not like it isn’t enough to see my father’s strong body waste away to nothing and only his strong will remaining. This evening was good tho - he wanted to come downstairs and outside, to be in the sun and see the yard and flowers. He liked the look of the landscaping project. (Premium artificial turf to replace the back yard grass, river rock out front that he hasn’t seen but I’ll take a pic tmw.) And he wants to come down earlier tmw and be outside in the sun when it’s warmer - great, it’ll only be 25C tmw instead of 35C. He can be downstairs all day as soon as he wants to be.

I kinda wanna work on the yard completion details rn but it’s almost 11pm. I kinda wanna go for a long run, but then I’ll be up for hours and out for too long - I’ve been needed a few times a night to help him get up etc. I should probably just drink water and go to (light) sleep and get up if/as needed, otherwise sleep and get up in the AM and get something done I guess.


I didn’t do a lot of work tdy but I feel exhausted. I have had some physical work days this past week that’s for sure. My father’s condition and prognosis is.. difficult. All of this craziness phoning 911 to report someone I care about who stabbed their own mother 10x ~possibly On Mother’s Day.. that’s f****d up. Tdy has been enough, I think I’m gonna sleep soon and only get up if I hear that I’m needed.

Update from his mom: He was arrested last night and has a bail hearing this morning and they'll be updated by victim services after that. I guess that's when they'll find out of a judge says he has to stay in jail or gets turned loose for now with conditions etc.

He may or may not realize I phoned in his whereabouts. He had just called me, after all. But he may not realize I knew about it.. hard to say, he could put 2 and 2 together and realize his mom had told me. Never know, though, the place he called from.. he often has paranoid thoughts that the staff are cops there to keep tabs on people, so he might even just think he was found because he was there. Or that the police department in the incident city had called there to instruct staff to call it in if they saw him. (The cops should have done that, but I highly doubt that they did.. even though that's one place he's known to go to.)

Blah blah blah such mixed emotions over all of this. It's all just.. sad. Such a beautiful person with so much potential and he allowed his drug addiction to spiral out of control and take his mental health down with it.. resulting in this - which forever changes things for him, his relationship with his mother/parents/family, friendship with me/others etc.

I told his friend on the phone the other night that I don't think I can just excommunicate him. Especially if he gets professional help that he accepts and utilizes and does the self work to get healthy - even if it's while incarcerated or in an institution of some sort. If he's locked up for a while but spends his time on health/fitness/sobriety/counselling/being properly medicated etc and truly strives to be healthy and whole then I would at least communicate with him. I feel like, as one of his Only close friends, that if I were to just excommunicate him that he'd have a much lower chance of doing any healing and would just self destruct entirely. Might not seem like someone could get any worse, but.. there are people out there who just continue doing these awful drugs and being violent etc until they die. He's not my responsibility, but if he's doing self improvement work I know I'll still be in touch with him and his parents.

When I told his mom where he called from her response was that he's not really trying to hide.. wondered if he even knew what happened. I think he did and that's why he called me - for comfort/refuge. I could hear his voice was different. Plus when I said that even tmw I wouldn't be going out for hours to drive anywhere, he asked if he could make his way over and I said no due to the attention I have to give my father as needed and all that's going on here. He's never asked if he could make his way over.. I think it's because he knows what he did and is scared and troubled and really just wanted to be held and find peace in a quiet calm environment and get some proper sleep etc.

Sorry for all you’re going through!
Just incomprehensible.
I hope your friend’s mom is ok, so much can happen. If she does succumb to an infection or something as a result of what he did it would sure be a devastating situation for everyone.

You did the right thing. I am impressed by your courage in the midst of your friend’s downward spiral.

As others have mentioned- and as you have adeptly done thus far - don’t let your guard down for even a moment around your friend.

It’s so sweet that your father is able to enjoy some sunshine with you by his side. I think that would be important to me as well.
Sending you vibes of peace and strength

Thank you