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Summer_Twilight
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14 Jan 2022, 12:22 pm

Hi:
I have noticed that people who live on the spectrum start dating and getting married at the age of 40. Is this really common?



that1weirdgrrrl
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14 Jan 2022, 1:10 pm

It can be :lol:

I have noticed a dramatic decline in the tendency to play mind games or seek out multiple partners.

I think most people get too old for that (it takes a certain amount of energy), and start looking for more stable relationships.


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14 Jan 2022, 4:23 pm

Even people NOT on the spectrum are waiting later to marry and start families. People are more adamant about their educational and career goals that they don't have time for serious long-term relationships. TBH, I think waiting later is a bad idea. It is true that pregnancy is riskier at later ages. And I think relationships are tighter and more productive with time. I think there's a bit of a learning curve you overcome with age, so older couples in new relationships have an easier time starting out knowing what they want and expect from a partner. When you're young, you often don't even know what to expect from YOURSELF, much less someone you love. But then when you have that opportunity at a younger age to not just grow up and become a responsible adult, but you join someone on their own journey, I think the later years are much more meaningful.

I'd honestly intended to marry my h.s. sweetheart and was set for it. But after 6 years from middle/high school to mid college (she was a year younger than me), and having to deal with all kinds of things along the way--the death of my father just prior to dating her, having to deal with a stepfather who...ok, wasn't really all that BAD, just not very nice to ME...school bullies, and really just one thing after another, and not even really a very good college kid, and discovering that YES, some college girls DO notice me--everything fell apart. Sure, I'm grateful for the life I have now and am glad things turned out the way they ultimately did with 4 kids and the wifey wanting one more. But it shouldn't have to be that hard, and maybe things would have gone better had things been easier without all the pressure to achieve this thing and that thing, get rich, buy the house, buy the car, and THEN get married. Well, heck, NOBODY would ever get married if that was the reality. My wife and I also waited a long time, though I was 27 when we got married. So we didn't exactly wait until our 40's. But we're in our 40's still having babies. I'm glad that we had over 20 years of history, and that makes this experience that much sweeter.

I'm not saying waiting is necessarily all that bad, but waiting that long just isn't right for me.



JimJohn
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14 Jan 2022, 4:37 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I have noticed that people who live on the spectrum start dating and getting married at the age of 40. Is this really common?


IMHO, it can be kinda dumb. Some people start dying of common natural causes in their early fifties. I don't think it is a good idea to have gone impotent or senile before starting dating. Women basically can't have children at 40. You are likely to be dead before your children reach adulthood and that would be only if it was a man marrying a younger woman. You would be getting a hip replacement while your child was playing little league.



The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jan 2022, 7:02 pm

JimJohn wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I have noticed that people who live on the spectrum start dating and getting married at the age of 40. Is this really common?


IMHO, it can be kinda dumb. Some people start dying of common natural causes in their early fifties. I don't think it is a good idea to have gone impotent or senile before starting dating. Women basically can't have children at 40. You are likely to be dead before your children reach adulthood and that would be only if it was a man marrying a younger woman. You would be getting a hip replacement while your child was playing little league.


This.

It’s too late.


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hurtloam
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15 Jan 2022, 2:06 pm

Angelrho and JimJohn what stupid comments. What do you want her to do, get in a time machine and start again?

Older single people on the spectrum didn't have the knowledge and social skills when younger, if we could be the people we are now and go back that would be awesome, but we can't.

So, yes people on the spectrum can settle down later because they may be more able to. Look at Crazy Al Yankowich. He married at 40 and is very happy now.

We spectrumies don't have the choice, we can't choose when to settle down with the absolutely no choices we have. That's like saying, here's an empty box of chocolates, choose one :roll: :lol:



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15 Jan 2022, 2:52 pm

I'm not going on disabilities or anything, I am going to say what is pretty much Facts, Data and Statistics. For MEN 35-40 is the magic number for dating because that is when we have worked enough to establish a career and be able to provide for our wife and kids. For WOMEN your college years is your magic number (19-25) because 27 is the danger zone and 35 is the end of danger zone and into No Mans Land. 40 for women is No Man's Land as it is very hard to have children, also at that stage men have the option to date younger women and for the majority of men they want kids(which is very hard to do at 40).

Now, I'm not saying finding a person to marry is impossible but there is a reason people tell men and women to get out of the dating market as fast as possible especially for women because it is HARD finding dates these days and people a very entitled and selfish(which is why I call this the "me,me,me,me,me" generation). There will be women and men that will tell you that you will find someone(mostly those that are already married or delusional.) and tell you to wait but the truth is that for men, if you have no resources, status, or anything to your name your chances are slim to none and for women if you are 35-40 with no kids and no husband your chances are slim to none.

My sister is in the same position and my heart cries when she will have to realize this fact that very few men are looking to wife a woman who is in her late 30s to early 40s. I'm in a position where I don't really have any resources so I'm in the same situation of no woman is going to really be knocking on my door, it's a hard pill to swallow but if you can do it(and it's going to HURT a lot!) then your chances will increase(slightly). It's the way Mother Nature and The Creator set it up and you can accept it or drown in misery over it.

What I am saying is universal and does not discriminate against anyone, it is what it is.



naturalplastic
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15 Jan 2022, 2:56 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Angelrho and JimJohn what stupid comments. What do you want her to do, get in a time machine and start again?

Older single people on the spectrum didn't have the knowledge and social skills when younger, if we could be the people we are now and go back that would be awesome, but we can't.

So, yes people on the spectrum can settle down later because they may be more able to. Look at Crazy Al Yankowich. He married at 40 and is very happy now.

We spectrumies don't have the choice, we can't choose when to settle down with the absolutely no choices we have. That's like saying, here's an empty box of chocolates, choose one :roll: :lol:


This. The OP is not saying that autistics should wait until they are 40. The OP said it works out that aspies start the highschool dating stage of life around 40 because when they are ready for it emotionally and social skills wise.



hurtloam
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15 Jan 2022, 2:57 pm

It's so sad how people have to settle when they are young because of biology and end up with partners who are totally wrong for them and make their lives worse than they could have been.



hurtloam
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15 Jan 2022, 2:58 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Angelrho and JimJohn what stupid comments. What do you want her to do, get in a time machine and start again?

Older single people on the spectrum didn't have the knowledge and social skills when younger, if we could be the people we are now and go back that would be awesome, but we can't.

So, yes people on the spectrum can settle down later because they may be more able to. Look at Crazy Al Yankowich. He married at 40 and is very happy now.

We spectrumies don't have the choice, we can't choose when to settle down with the absolutely no choices we have. That's like saying, here's an empty box of chocolates, choose one :roll: :lol:


This. The OP is not saying that autistics should wait until they are 40. The OP said it works out that aspies start the highschool dating stage of life around 40 because when they are ready for it emotionally and social skills wise.


Yes, I was agreeing with that. Im sorry, I thought I had made that clear.

When we are young no one is interested in us so we have no one to choose from and didn't have the skills if we did, therefore are single at 40.

You put what I meant much more succinctly.



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15 Jan 2022, 3:59 pm

I think that a lot of people are waiting until a later age to get married and have a family, these days.


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17 Jan 2022, 8:17 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I have noticed that people who live on the spectrum start dating and getting married at the age of 40. Is this really common?

Have you decided to seek a romantic partner?


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17 Jan 2022, 10:00 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I think that a lot of people are waiting until a later age to get married and have a family, these days.


I concur very much.

The world now is obviously very different from when it was (for example) the beginning of the century.


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Piri Alchami
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18 Jan 2022, 12:02 am

I would add that each and every individual's life chances are different. Generalizations get the rough idea of instances, but not the particulars.

Similarly, we as a species go through cycles. At some time periods or generations we (generally speaking) marry in our earlier years, while at other times we marry later in life.

Now, given the societal disintegration and turmoil, it seems to favor a minority (whether on the spectrum or not) not to marry early.

Just my opinion.



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18 Jan 2022, 2:31 am

I've noticed that some women in their 30s I know, and others I hear about will want to have a lot of casual fun with guys and not settle down until they hit their mid 30s about. But then they are surprised when guys do not want them for a serious relationship, for the reason being that their biological clocks are not as good as they use to be. But why are the women surprised by this, finding out that late? Do a lot of women just not see that coming?



Piri Alchami
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18 Jan 2022, 10:29 am

I'm no woman, but it would seem it's something to do with youthful ignorance and unknowing of how fast time elapses. I look back at my twenties and now think how fast it's passed by.