I wish I were neurotypical

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And there lies the issue.
Also believing in everything everyone says.

Not sure if I have the words.
But the mind is funny this way -- it doesn't do "negative statements" well.

Not in context of offensive or a downer news -- humans are suceptible to that.
But in context of screaming "NO", "DONT", etc.


Kept screaming of "stop thinking about autism"? That won't work.

The same manner of cursing autism doesn't make you less attached to it. It's evidently the opposite.

How to stop thinking about autism?
You transcend them.
It doesn't matter if it's through seeing autism as a blessing or a curse.

One just simply just see it as a small part of something bigger and beyond.

Like how everyone is awkward once in a while. Or everyone gets bullied. Or everyone can be clumsy and forgetful.
Or the classic nobody is perfect.

But that's not how it is for me.

Seeing everyone past the labels and straight to their status as a human is very easy for me.

Not because I "want" or like being a human -- in fact it's the opposite.
I don't like being "human". I'd rather be an asocial, alexithymic, overly rational autistic who cannot blend their uncanny valley to be labelled either a robot or an alien.

Like how you're "worried" about having to deal with autism, I'm "worried" about having to deal with humanity both mine and everyone's.

But being human is beyond autism and neurotypicality itself. Kinda why it's easier for me.


"Normal", eh?
There is no normal.

Only either people who adjusts well or is good at facades, who can change levels in everyone and being able comprehend things, no matter how healthy or messed up the society or a social circle is.

NTs don't usually level with autistics.
And some autistics tried too hard leveling with NTs.

I aim to break the stupid belief that NTs/allistic can only do X when NDs/autistics can't.

Yeah I get it. Ironically I'm addicted to this site and I don't know why?

Sorry I'll stop giving tips, I realise you are only wanting to share your feelings/thoughts. Now that you mention it I am a little programmed that way that there needs to be a purpose behind posting. I guess you are right.

There's a saying that the "grass is always greener on the other side", It's human nature to want what other's have. I posted a video some months ago of two lab monkeys getting food as a reward for completing a task and the moment you reward one monkey differently the other get's aggressive and bangs his/her enclosure out of frustration. FOMO is deeply rooted in our genes precisely because we are social animals.

It's OK, I wasn't aiming it at you. It's not easy to control addictions and it's not easy to distract yourself from your addiction when accessing your addiction takes no effort.
Addiction to internet sites is so unavoidable because of always having your phone in your pocket; a little internet device you can carry with you everywhere you go.
And I do love my phone.

This is true, and I think part of my frustration with autism is because I feel like I have an "inner NT" inside me screaming to get out but the evil horrible autism is stopping it and it causes feelings of anger and frustration. I've always had FOMO and having autism means you're more likely to miss out on things your peers like doing.
I think I might be bineural. That's a word I've just invented, and it means being both autistic and neurotypical at the same time. I feel like I'm an "autistic NT". Sometimes I think I might feel better about myself if I identify as that.

I could relate somewhat.

Except it's not an inner NT that opposes autism.
It's a fully functioning adult, stuck and coping in an ill, sluggish, tired, untreated and unpredictable mind and body.

I had the privilege to actually for me and everyone around me to see and remark the difference.
The differences are clear -- inside and outside.

bineural! cool! it would be nice to seamlessly switch from one pathway to the other when needed.

I just got so frustrated because my speaking therapist announced she had been diagnosed with ADHD yet seemed to know very little about it. She seemed to think that ADHD only had A and B and nothing else, not depression or anxiety or anything, just impulsiveness and childhood hyperactivity. Well if it was only those two things then it wouldn't be a disorder worth diagnosing, would it? Everywhere I read about ADHD is said anxiety, depression and low self-esteem more so than what autism described as. Whenever I read about autism it centers more around special interests, repetitive behaviours, social problems and sensory issues. I know all that can cause anxiety but it's slightly different to the anxiety I have. My anxiety is more likely a co-morbid and part of ADHD, as hyperactivity isn't just about jumping on the furniture, it can also be cognitive (thinking too many thoughts all at once, catastrophic thinking, etc).
I nearly hung up the phone on her. For a therapist with ADHD, she doesn't seem to understand what ADHD is at all. It just made me disgruntled, that's all.

Have you told her that her attitude is pissing you off?

Well, it was hard to say as it might have upset her. Also I've only spoken to her once.