I wish I were neurotypical

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I think I would be more open about it if it had an abbreviated term such as Social Communication Sensory Disorder. It really would make all the difference.

It has nothing to do with social 'competence' or 'literacy' or even 'comprehension'.


It has more to do with attention and focus, that translates to thoughts and behaviors really.

With such logic, this also means any chronic form is a illness, diseases or pervasive conditions that simply strays away from "thinking about contributing to society without the ego or pride or self care" is a form of 'self-ism'.

Just anything to do with 'fix yourself first before being able to properly socialize' is considered a form of 'self-ism'.

So does blaming their own disability, responsibilities, obligations, crosses they bear, conflicts that threatens themselves and anything to do with themselves before anyone -- as a form of 'self-ism'.



SCD+SPD won't make any sense to my case.

The fact I have to also fight against EF issues, language thinking and moodiness caused by something else and possibly aging before being able to communicate better, don't.

I can intellectually grasp what 'syndromes' are from psychology contexts.
But personally it's just an indication that this field of sciences is yet to develop well. At all.
Along with other aspects of society.


Oh, and...
Generation gaps and labels. Which is rather popular in the US. Dubbed the more recent ones (ages 45 and below) ​as very entitled even.

And in wider gaps, awareness of mental health issues and seemingly more vulnerable generations across the globe.


So I just...
Don't see the point. Anymore.

Just like how one should get rid of the associations of introversion as an illness or even selfishness out of everyone's heads.

Perhaps one should get rid of the idea of 'self-ism' as a form of malignant/unhealthy narcissism.

Heck, how about just throw the usual known contexts and associations of narcissism away.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

I agree. If I succeeded at social integration I would have had a much different life.

If you were neurotypical, you would have another set of problems.

I've already explained this cliche so I'll just quote what I wrote rather than explain again.

I actually understand this perfectly, it's something I do myself, I just have a very different way of coping with it.

You can see it clearly in how I structure my comments and arguments on here, you'll almost never see me state something as a definitive fact, it's always "I think", "it would seem", "I feel", "apparently", etc, and while I think that's a good habit to be in generally as I'm not a fan of unwarranted certainty, it's at heart a way of making it almost impossible for me to have been flat out wrong, just mistaken.

Now I feel angry and depressed because my therapist (who I've only just started seeing) mentioned if I am autistic. I told her to look at my history that she had been sent by the ADHD people, and she did. Then she said that my anxieties are because I'm 'autistic' not because of ADHD. But I heard ADHD comes with anxiety and depression particularly in women.

I found myself getting a bit shirty with her about the autism. I said that most of my behaviours and cognitive thinking is caused by the ADHD symptoms, but she said that ADHD is only hyperactivity and impulsivity. I didn't know ADHD only had those two symptoms. I thought a range of behaviours came with ADHD, including anxiety. And she said she has ADHD too - so she must know a thing or two about it.

f*****g autism, all my life I was hoping I was misdiagnosed with the s**t and now she's just f*****g confirmed it for me. I really hate the way I get anxious. I hate my brain. Why is anxiety a part of autism for? I want more of my behaviours to be ADHD, not f*****g autism. I wish I could die so that I could be reincarnated into a neurotypical with no sh***y autism. I don't think I can go on much longer living like this. I am sooooooooo ashamed and embarrassed about autism that I really don't want to live.

If it wasn't for this f*****g curse then my mum would still be alive.

I understand your irritation. I know you hate that you might be autistic. I don't know if you're autistic or not.

But it really shouldn't matter (my opinion). What matters is that you're Joe, and you're always trying to improve yourself. I wish my ideas can influence you in some way. Because it hurts me when someone says somebody who's autistic is "less" than anybody who is not.

(Note: I'm not "triggered." I'm just telling you my feelings).

Being hung up on whether you're on the Spectrum or not, perhaps, is stunting that improvement.

It's more important that you're Joe, rather than Joe with a disorder.

I've come to the conclusion (not so recently, actually), that there "something wrong" with everybody under the Sun.

I'm autistic----I was autistic even when the definition of autism was very narrow. People knew I was autistic, even when I was just past babyhood. The psychologist recommended that I be institutionalized, because I was a "vegetable," and would never amount to anything.

I had to learn to live with the fact that I'm "different" from other people. And learn that I'm Kraftie, rather than Kraftie with a disorder.

^
That's why I prefer sweeping ASD under the rug and live my life, because I sometimes like to forget that I'm Joe90 "with a disorder". I just want to be me and I want others to see me as I am and not what I've got. I don't really want to share a spectrum with all these serial killers and school shooters. Nobody, not even my therapist, can make me happily accept my diagnosis nor make me disclose it to everyone. Because people DO associate autism and other things with negative stigma, especially if it has "lack empathy" written about it. And there is only one other group of people besides autistics that are down to lack empathy and that's psychopaths.
Now, I know most Aspies define empathy as being capable of bullying and manipulating, but most NTs define empathy as being civil and respectful and understanding and they think that lack of empathy means you're heartless and malicious.

You don't have to go around telling people you're autistic. But you knew that already.

Serial killers and people like them usually are not on the Spectrum. Some of them might CLAIM they are on the Spectrum so they can get some leniency from a judge when they are found guilty of something. I've seen people come up with a Spectrum diagnosis which emanates from the Deep Blue Sky.

It's wrong to associate serial killers with people on the Spectrum. People who do that have no idea about autism. And anybody who happens to be on the Spectrum and becomes a serial killer----has something else wrong with them which far outweighs anything which has anything to do with them being on the Spectrum.

I just feel angry because a therapist with ADHD doesn't seem to know much about ADHD and had put all of my behaviours down to autism.

Sorry you had to go through that with the therapist.

I hate it when all of a sudden I really do realise that I have aspergers syndrome. I do question my diagnosis a lot all of the time and most of the time I don't even feel like i have it and no one would even guess it either. Then every now and then something happens in my life that absolutely confirms that I do actually have it.

I hate it as well Joe. When I got diagnosed the psychiatrist who diagnosed me told me that it would actually get easier with age. I didn't believe him at the time because I was in such a bad place but now at 48 I can honestly say that it has got easier. I know 48 might seem really old for you but you'll probably get to that point a lot sooner than me because you are a far more together person.

There are positive aspects of being on the spectrum that aren't always evident when we are younger, but become more so as we get older.

For me, being an outsider has given a perspective and wisdom that I might not have obtained if I fit well into the herd.

Yes.