I'm going to be in pain and overweight forever

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lvpin
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23 Jan 2022, 4:30 pm

This past week I woke up one day with the feeling that my leg was not properly connected to me. Until I eventually fell which caused it to click back I couldn't walk properly, feeling sharp pain when I had to go on stairs and sort of swivelled my leg forward instead of walking. My knees also keep on feeling like they're slipping accompanied by shooting pain. This clearly got worse because of my binge induced weight gain, and yet I still can't stop overeating.

I hate eating so much. My favourite bit of the day is when I have my morning protein shake mixed with a bunch of frozen produce which I drink through a straw that makes me not have to taste it. I get to be full without tasting anything. I wish I could force myself to do that for each meal. But no, I just keep eating. I hate this stupid body, the wight of it, the fat I can feel the small movement of flesh when I walk. It's disgusting, it's making me nauseous. I don't feel like it will ever get better. I'll just be stuck feeling repulsed forever.



Dox47
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23 Jan 2022, 6:30 pm

If your BMI is over (IIRC) 40 and you've unsuccessfully tried to lose weight in the past, you're likely qualified for bariatric surgery, which most US insurance will cover as it's cheaper for them in the long run (I can't see your location, disregard if you're outside the US). My brother is about to get it, I'm really happy for him, he's got the type of metabolism where he just looks at food and he gains weight, and it all goes straight to his hips so he gets super wide and won't fit in seats, which is just mortifying. Might be worth a look if nothing else has worked for you and the extra weight is truly unbearable.


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lvpin
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24 Jan 2022, 6:27 am

Dox47 wrote:
If your BMI is over (IIRC) 40 and you've unsuccessfully tried to lose weight in the past, you're likely qualified for bariatric surgery, which most US insurance will cover as it's cheaper for them in the long run (I can't see your location, disregard if you're outside the US). My brother is about to get it, I'm really happy for him, he's got the type of metabolism where he just looks at food and he gains weight, and it all goes straight to his hips so he gets super wide and won't fit in seats, which is just mortifying. Might be worth a look if nothing else has worked for you and the extra weight is truly unbearable.


It's about 30 at the moment meaning that according to the UK, where I live, I'm technically obese due to my race (which makes sense because there are family members smaller than me who have gotten diabetes)so that isn't an option yet. Hopefully it never gets that high but I guess I'm just going to have to struggle along by myself :')



kraftiekortie
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24 Jan 2022, 7:14 am

A BMI of 30 isn’t great—but it isn’t so bad, either. I did pretty well with a 30s BMI for years. Just don’t go too much higher. Wearing the right clothes hides your slight overweight very well. There are many attractive people with 30s BMIs. What I’m saying: It’s not a disaster.

I wish the doctors were better where you are. This COVID thing has been bad for people with non-COVID chronic conditions—especially away from big cities with big medical centers.

You are a high achiever academically. Be proud of yourself for that.



lvpin
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24 Jan 2022, 9:29 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
A BMI of 30 isn’t great—but it isn’t so bad, either. I did pretty well with a 30s BMI for years. Just don’t go too much higher. Wearing the right clothes hides your slight overweight very well. There are many attractive people with 30s BMIs. What I’m saying: It’s not a disaster.

I wish the doctors were better where you are. This COVID thing has been bad for people with non-COVID chronic conditions—especially away from big cities with big medical centers.

You are a high achiever academically. Be proud of yourself for that.


To be honest I think part of the problem is I probably have body dysmorphia. This month has really proven to me I have no idea what I look like. Although at least if I was lighter I'd be in less pain even if my brain couldn't tell by looking at myself.

I think I should probably focus more on my learning achievements as you said. I'm having a lot of fun studying at the moment, even if it is tiring!



Minervx_2
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26 Jan 2022, 1:02 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
A BMI of 30 isn’t great—but it isn’t so bad, either.


It is bad. Maybe not immediately, but in 10-20 years from now, it will exacerbate a number of health problems, and it's harder for people to lose weight when they get older. So it's better to build good habits now than to have bad habits ingrained long-term.

A BMI of 30 may seem normal because many people are overweight/obese. Overweight is essentially the new average. Someone of 30 BMI won't stand out as fat because many of the people in their social circles also have a similar BMI. But just because most people are like this doesn't mean it's a good thing.