I felt crazy this morning

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Living with other people sucks. But for some reason I decided to live with my girlfriend and our daughter and the boarder and my girlfriend's mother.

I don't think the boarder and my girlfriend's mother are bad people. But they are still people. People can overwhelm me.

So I get up and the boarder says there's a problem with the range hood fan and I'm trying to figure out what the cause of the problem is than my girlfriend is complaining about it and then she says I have to change the baby’s nappy so I start doing it and she says not to change the baby’s nappy and...

It's too much for me. I just walk out the door. No time to put shoes on. I walk to the lake. I walk over the bridge to the island on the lake and I sit on a bench under a shady tree on the island. I think about what might have caused the range hood to stop working.

That was what I really wanted to do. There was a problem. Range hood is broken. I can think my way through it until I think of what the cause might be and what the solution might be. But when I start trying to solve one problem people start talking at me about other stuff and I can't even finish my task.

I get back from the lake. The boarder has cooked breakfast. I sit on the couch. He asks why I'm not eating breakfast. I'm not ready to eat yet. A few minutes later I'm ready so I eat.

Then my girlfriend starts complaining about "why do you eat his food, how come you never cook anything". It was like that with the last boarder and the one before that. If they offer me anything I'm not allowed to take it without her guilt tripping me.

She asks why I'm grumpy. I start explaining but she keeps cutting me off and not listening. Five minutes later she asks why I'm grumpy. I tell her that I already explained to her why I'm grumpy and I'm not telling her again.

She said that if her mother moved in with us she would help us with the housework. and she does. But then my girlfriend guilt trips me about her mother helping us with the housework. What's the point of getting someone to come to help us if I'm not allowed to accept help from them?

My girlfriend gets grumpy too. It's ok for her to be grumpy but she thinks I can't be. Damned hypocrite. She says I'm grumpy for no reason but she always has a reason. I told her that no one ever gets grumpy for no reason and that just because she doesn't know what the reason is that doesn't mean there isn't a reason.

I just feel overwhelmed.

I'm sure her mother is judging me. When I met her a couple of years ago she seemed really nice but now she's always judging me? Or maybe she's not. Jane says she is judging me but maybe Jane is ascribing her own judgemental opinions onto her mother. There is no way to know. I don't like people judging me. That's why I don't like being with other people. They might be judging me.

This bit sounds serene, shame your mind wasn't on the same wavelength as the location.

Yeah, the lake is a really nice place. But I had to go home because I needed coffee. It was a cool morning but it will heat up soon. Too hot to go outdoors again. Can't go back to the lake until the evening.

I took a photo from the island


Last night her mother threw a wooden table from the balcony on the second floor. She threw it from the second floor to the footpath below. The table broke. She said it was because she was worried the baby might use the table to climb over the railing.

If she thought the position of the table was unsafe, I could have moved it to the house side of the balcony instead of the balustrade side of the balcony. Or I could have put the table downstairs. Why does she have to break my furniture? There should be a law against throwing things onto the footpath from upstairs. Good thing there weren't any other people around.

I felt tired after not sleeping well. Jane tried to invalidate my tiredness. She says I'm not really tired because she does all the work. She doesn't though. I don't mind if she spends the afternoon resting and staring at her phone but she shouldn't guilt trip me for doing the same thing. It's never ok to shame people for resting.

The boarder, the girlfriend, the baby, the mother-in-law. I like all these people individually but having them all live with me at the same time makes me feel crazy. Their voices are so loud. What if they're judging me. Five people in one house. It's not like going to visit five people when you know you'll be home by yourself in a few hours. When they live with you, there is no escape.

I'm sorry you're dealing with all that chaos.
I know I couldn't do it.
I can't live with people or tolerate guilt-tripping in my own home.
I need a lot of space and a lot of quiet.
If it's this bad for you, imagine what it's like for your daughter?

The photo is lovely. I hope you can go there frequently. Alone or with your little one.

Nice photo

I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut about the table, that's crazy behaviour.

I'm not sure I could cope in your situation, it would eat me up until I burnt out.

You need lots of self soothing in my opinion, I would take the baby to the lake whenever I could.

Maybe that's why she's often upset. She could be on the spectrum.

^ or

babies can pick up on emotional cues from others, they can pick up on stress and negative emotions, then can sense bad vibes.

It just sounds soooo noisy there. Even if she's not on the spectrum, it doesn't seem like a calm and soothing place to grow up or become familiar with the world. Plus of course I bet she can sense all the tension between people.

I used to have such a quiet little house. Very Zen. Music, soft lighting, infant massage, stories and rocking chairs. Single parenting had its pluses, that's for sure. No one else's noise or drama.

Ouch, that sounds tough. Sorry you've ended up in a situation like that.

I've lived under the same roof with five other people at max, but that was as a child and young adult, before I had experience living on my own and knew how good that could be like. Returning to living with someone will probably take quite some time getting used to if I ever end up in that situation again... which I hope I will since I want a family of my own, but until then, I'm gonna enjoy the good sides of my solitude.

When women get grumpy, you know full well what excuse they break out.

Unfortunately, men don't have that convenient excuse.

Actually she doesn't seem to use that one much.Oh well in that case she's doomed.

Why was the table thrown out of the window? That’s nuts!

Kinda like when men use the "women can't be understood" -excuse when they don't understand something?

I've known women who say, explicitly, that don't want to be "understood" by men, and that men will never "understand" them.

I’m sorry, Retro. It sounds awful. I’d be out at the lake all the time.