Are relationships more predatory than causal sex?

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ironpony
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27 Jan 2022, 10:51 pm

I have a gf who is 16 years younger than me and people tell me that it comes off as predatory and saying that it's one thing if it were just casual sex, but it's worse than I am in a relationship.

But I wonder, how is a relationship more predatory compared to people saying casual sex is less so, unless I am missing something?

Thanks for any advice on this! I really appreciate it!



txfz1
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27 Jan 2022, 11:27 pm

Just curious but how old would you say your mind has matured? Hers, if she is on the spectrum? If you are around the same age in maturity, then actual age wouldn’t matter that much, assuming all else is the same. From my perspective based on what I read from you, I would say if she is in her mental 20/30’s, ya’ll would be a good match at least closer in mature age than actual age. If she is not on the spectrum, then the issue may be she may outgrow you as in time. This is not intended to be a judgement about you, as I’ve aged but my maturity level hasn’t.



ironpony
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27 Jan 2022, 11:30 pm

It seems my mind has matured into someone of late teens early 20s maybe to my guess, but just a guess... I am not sure if she is autistic and neither is she. She seems more advanced than me though I would say in some ways. However, even if she does outgrow me, maturity wise, I guess I am optomistic about the relationship being good now, and just leave it at that, and whatever the future holds, the future holds, if that's logical?



txfz1
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27 Jan 2022, 11:38 pm

To me, it’s very logical. Looks to me like a good match in age. Just something you may want to talk to her about, someday. Lots of comebacks reversing the predator/predatoree.



ironpony
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27 Jan 2022, 11:46 pm

Oh okay, thanks. We talked about it and she agreed that she would rather keep it going since it's good now, rather than break up based off a possibility only.

But when you say a reverse on it, what do you mean exactly?



Sweetleaf
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28 Jan 2022, 2:38 am

ironpony wrote:
I have a gf who is 16 years younger than me and people tell me that it comes off as predatory and saying that it's one thing if it were just casual sex, but it's worse than I am in a relationship.

But I wonder, how is a relationship more predatory compared to people saying casual sex is less so, unless I am missing something?

Thanks for any advice on this! I really appreciate it!


Well I'd ignore those people, the woman you are with is of age, not like you are dating some underage girl. Lots of people get relationships where there is some age gap, its not that big a deal. And idk from what you have posted it sounds like you really care about her and want to have a good relationship...like you don't seem like you got with her for creepy reasons, you two have just hit it off and turns out there is a bit of age difference, but that is ok.

Basically from what you have posted about this relationship I don't think you're being predatory at all. That said I don't know how that person rationalized that just having casual sex is less predatory than having an actual relationship. LIke having an actual relationship means you care about the person, a one night stand does not really imply anything like that.


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kraftiekortie
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28 Jan 2022, 7:24 am

She’s 21, I believe. She’s an adult.

Older man/younger women relationships weren’t uncommon 1 or 2 generations ago.

Nobody said it was “predatory” for my 55 year old father to marry his 30 year old wife.



rse92
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28 Jan 2022, 3:16 pm

You need to find some new "people."



Minervx_2
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30 Jan 2022, 5:44 pm

It's not the age gap itself that's a problem. Moreso that early 20's is very young, immature and impressionable.

30 and 46, for example, is a 16 year gap, but there aren't any moral concerns.

But 37 and 21 is a grown-ass person dating a young adult.



ironpony
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30 Jan 2022, 8:06 pm

Oh okay. But there are women in their 30s who are also impressionable and less mature as well that I have dated as well, so isn't it all relative in a sense?



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04 Feb 2022, 1:58 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
She’s 21, I believe. She’s an adult.

Older man/younger women relationships weren’t uncommon 1 or 2 generations ago.

Nobody said it was “predatory” for my 55 year old father to marry his 30 year old wife.


I never bought into the whole "it was socially acceptable in the past" argument. 1 or 2 generations ago it was also not uncommon to lynch minorities and institutionalize homosexuals.



ironpony
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04 Feb 2022, 9:23 pm

Minervx_2 wrote:
It's not the age gap itself that's a problem. Moreso that early 20's is very young, immature and impressionable.

30 and 46, for example, is a 16 year gap, but there aren't any moral concerns.

But 37 and 21 is a grown-ass person dating a young adult.


What moral concerns are there, otherwise?



Benjamin the Donkey
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05 Feb 2022, 12:52 am

You're both adults. Tell those "people" to mind their own business. (I'd phrase it more colorfully.)

Physical age doesn't always correlate to emotional age or maturity. My partner is much younger, but I'm shockingly immature in some ways, while she's the opposite. And she initiated the relationship, so if it's predatory then I'm the prey. We've been together 2.5 years and it's better than ever.

dorkseid wrote:
I never bought into the whole "it was socially acceptable in the past" argument. 1 or 2 generations ago it was also not uncommon to lynch minorities and institutionalize homosexuals.


Are you seriously comparing these things to dating a person of a different age? Please, get some perspective.


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dorkseid
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05 Feb 2022, 6:09 am

dorkseid wrote:
I never bought into the whole "it was socially acceptable in the past" argument. 1 or 2 generations ago it was also not uncommon to lynch minorities and institutionalize homosexuals.


Are you seriously comparing these things to dating a person of a different age? Please, get some perspective.[/quote]

I'm just demonstrating the fallacy.



auntblabby
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05 Feb 2022, 6:14 am

IRONPONY! STOP worrying and just enjoy basking in your woman's love! :heart: to HELL with what anybody else thinks!



Benjamin the Donkey
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05 Feb 2022, 6:57 am

auntblabby wrote:
IRONPONY! STOP worrying and just enjoy basking in your woman's love! :heart: to HELL with what anybody else thinks!


This X 100.


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