Anyone got a magic 8 ball to shake??

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goldfish21
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31 Jan 2022, 12:33 am

Could really use some answers.

Like, if I choose option A, how's that going to turn out in the long run? For me, for others.

And if I choose option B, how's that going to turn out?

Or C/something in between, again, how's that going to turn out?

With no or crystal ball, or even just a magic 8 ball, it's all just pure guesswork and speculation. I could make what I think is a good decision and have it go to absolute s**t, or I could choose something else that's more of a gamble and it could turn out just fine.. or every other possible combination. And of course I'm talking about much more complicated human factor stuff than run of the mill purchase decisions or whatever. Just reeeeeeeallly wishing I had some way of knowing how things might play out if I made certain choices or others - would make the whole decision making process a heck of a lot easier.


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Raleigh
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31 Jan 2022, 12:37 am

^ there's no way to know what's really best in the future, that's half the excitement of living.

How to do it is
Do as much thinking/pondering/research beforehand as you can
Then make a snap decision
And go with it.


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goldfish21
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31 Jan 2022, 12:50 am

Raleigh wrote:
^ there's no way to know what's really best in the future, that's half the excitement of living.

How to do it is
Do as much thinking/pondering/research beforehand as you can
Then make a snap decision
And go with it.


Kinda what the timeline is forcing, really.

Initial info Friday afternoon, discussions over the weekend, phone calls to make tmw for more info, then maybe a conference call Tuesday - and according to others imposing tight deadlines, a decision will have to be made pretty quick.

The only real bright side is that the initial decision is allowed to be temporary vs. permanent, but then I'd have to figure out a longer term decision.

And of course it's all further complicated by so many other complicated scenarios playing out at the same time - so it's not like there's just One single solo issue to make a decision on and deal with, as everything else impacts everything else.


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Raleigh
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31 Jan 2022, 1:04 am

^ Good luck


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31 Jan 2022, 9:43 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Like, if I choose option A, how's that going to turn out in the long run? For me, for others.
Magic 8-Ball Says: "Don't Count On It".
goldfish21 wrote:
And if I choose option B, how's that going to turn out?
Magic 8-Ball Says: "It is certain" (Note: I got "Concentrate and Ask Again" 3 times on this one.)
goldfish21 wrote:
Or C/something in between, again, how's that going to turn out?
Magic 8-Ball Says: "Yes Definitely".

:D For Entertainment Purposes Only!



kraftiekortie
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31 Jan 2022, 9:49 am

8-Ball in the side pocket!



goldfish21
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31 Jan 2022, 10:35 am

And of course different people in the know have entirely different opinions and interests, understandably so. No easy right answer(s) - no matter what chances are some people are going to be happy, and others annoyed/upset. Maybe.

kraftiekortie wrote:
8-Ball in the side pocket!


:lol:

Thanks for that one - not the Fnord's wasn't funny, but when I got to this post it really made me laugh! :D


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goldfish21
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31 Jan 2022, 12:33 pm

It seems like only last Friday I was free as a bird.. good job & income, car & motorcycle, inexpensive rent, no other real obligations or commitments outside of work unless I take on a small side job or do a favour for someone. Free to come and go as I please, have a drink, hop on my motorcycle and rip to the beach for sunset..

..and then over the last few days of family news there’s a strong probability that I may take on temporarily, or permanently, raising a 14yo type one diabetic I’ve hardly seen for a decade. My cousin’s kid, one of my God kids. Bio parents are unfit for a variety of reasons, grandparents are too old and disabled to be granted full time custody, my cousin has a toddler and growing family/different life plans, my older brother has a house full of kids bursting at the seems with their blended family, my twin brother is newly married and they have renovations and educations/career improvements going on, my sister is a full time mom but no way they have space or a car/energy etc.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk for a couple years since more than 20 people I know died in that time, including this boy’s aunt. In many ways the daily routine and purpose would be good for me, too.

I dunno if it would constrain me from taking any part time uni classes tbh; maybe not - not like I’ve been productively doing any of that the last couple years. And busy people get things done, so, it might even better enable me to focus on a remote learning class at home.

I’d have to go rent a 2 bedroom place near his high school - shouldn’t be a big deal, the Ministry *should* pay for almost e v e r y t h i n g from rent to diabetes care. I still have to confirm that.

And all this while my father is.. gravely ill. Advanced cancer, heart attack/condition, full blown diabetes that went undiagnosed for months - there’ve been plenty of times since Summer when it could have been his last breath already. His older sister pointed out to me that my parents/mom are going to need me big time when the time comes. Can’t disagree with that.

There aren’t really any other viable options in the extended family on my mother’s side. And if I decline I might really regret it. I could also agree to a temporary thing and see how that goes while the Ministry continues to seek a placement. (highly unlikely to find for a type 1 diabetic 14yo)

He’s a Good kid and a bit young for his age (and always will be) - different than his very rebellious older sister. Letting him go to a group home Might be like throwing him to wolves. If I take him on it would drastically change my life and priorities, but maybe for the better. I’d at least have backup from his grandparents and my siblings from time to time if I want to get away for a whole day/wknd.

Being 14 and decently good at his own diabetes care I’d still be able to go out for a few hours w/o having to arrange a babysitter or anything.

Plus there’s a reason I’m God father to all of these kids - their parents all Know I’m good with kids and would make a good stand in should they die. It’s not like I’ve never thought I might have to actually take on the responsibility. And it just seems to be a thing in my family.. my grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousin, and even my parents very temporarily have all taken on other family members’ kids to raise when their parents were incapable.

His foster mother of 10 years is in her 70’s and is a super strict woman that’s turning into a cranky old b***h. Says if the ministry doesn’t take him, she will drop him off at the hospital and leave - as she did with another diabetic kid once. She didn’t get in trouble for that one because the kid truly needed medical attention for diabetes. But in this case she has full proper custody of him and could be charged with child abandonment - says she doesn’t care. In her world, she’s good with kids from grades 1-6, and has almost never dealt with teenagers and at her age just refuses now.

My dad’s sister pointed out that I should also ask about counselling services as he may need them after being booted from his “forever,” home. (She doesn’t like that I’ve been asked if I would do this.) I pointed out to her that we might not be privy to it, but if I decline - even temporarily - he’s likely to need counselling services over the fact that he has an extended bio family dotted all around the area and not one single member of his family could even temporarily take him in. She saw that point.

Besides work and play and wasting time however I see fit, it’s not like I’d be disrupting any productive goals I’m on track with or anything. Might even make me more productive for having other time commitments. Also not like I have a wild social life to disrupt lol it’s been 2 years of Covid and I changed jobs from typically working in the city to working close to home. And I rented a place to live in the neighbourhood his high school is in before for 13 months ~13 years ago - it’s one of my all time favourite neighbourhoods in the entire region and I wouldn’t complain about moving there again. It’s about a 15 minute drive from where I live now.

Definitely not fully decided, need to gather more info from a social worker today. Leaning towards at least temporarily trying things out so he’s not abandoned at the hospital. But we all know how that would likely go.. if it works out Okay, temporary would become permanent and I’d go rent a place. At the moment I have my other Aunt’s Okay to have him stay at her place where I’m house sitting - which is good because then it keeps my parents at arms length and hands off because as much as I would love my own mother’s backup on this and to have him in a spare bedroom at their home instead, I Know that they don’t need/can’t handle any additional work or stress right now so if I do this *I* have to do it.

Other pros are that his cousin, another God son (who’s mother died in a car accident <2 years ago), lives 20 mins away and I’m sure we’d all make more time for each other. Plus my friend that I work for has 3 kids and they’re 100% family oriented, could be good for things like taking a hike or joining them on a bike ride or whatever now and then.

And if I don’t do it (if approved by the Ministry) I might regret it and wonder how he is or if I could have handled it easier than I think.. plus even though it wouldn’t be my problem, there would be a lot of stress and broken hearts in the family. If I do do it, even temporarily, there’ll be a lot of relieved full hearts. I’ve been specifically told not to feel obligated, but of course it’s only natural to feel some level of obligation.


So, yeah. Complicated. But this does seem to be cyclical in my family and it might just be my turn - even for a little while, but maybe a long one. Just something about how I’m wired and much of my fam before me; very hard to just turn your back and say “No thanks, that would be quite inconvenient and seriously disrupt my aimless time wasting.”

I guess I have a few phone calls to make today to find out about requirements and exactly what they’d pay for. Not like I can’t afford an increase in cost of living; but if they paid for nothing that would take me from high savings rate to paycheque to paycheque considering the cost of insulin and diabetes supplies. But chances are they’d sign him back in as being under Ministry care again and then pay for everything until he’s at least 18/stops going to school.

Annnnnd time to finish my coffee, take a deep breath, get ready and fly out the door to work.. and then contemplate possibly giving up my freedom for now or long term on the drive. :lol: Fun!

Edit:

It’s also been a blessing he’s had a good home for a decade and in that time I’ve been able to get my health, life, career & finances in order - sooo I’m better capable now than if this was thrust upon me before. I couldn’t have done it 10 years ago.

Annnnd I’m rather critical of party life gays that never so much as volunteer for a youth organization or anything. Not like I’m 21 waiting in line at night clubs. But yeah this would be a bigger commitment than part time volunteering lol I realize - but still, if I don’t even explore it as a temporary thing I’d be pretty hypocritical.


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Doberdoofus
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31 Jan 2022, 4:34 pm

For future reference https://magic-8ball.com/


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31 Jan 2022, 4:36 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
And of course different people in the know have entirely different opinions and interests, understandably so. No easy right answer(s) - no matter what chances are some people are going to be happy, and others annoyed/upset. Maybe.
kraftiekortie wrote:
8-Ball in the side pocket!
Thanks for that one - not the Fnord's wasn't funny, but when I got to this post it really made me laugh!
"Funny"?

You asked for Magic 8-Ball readings, and I did them for you.  No charge!



lostonearth35
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02 Feb 2022, 1:05 am

I wouldn't rely on a ball of plastic to make life-changing decisions or predict major events, but I'm pretty sure if I had a Magic 8 Ball it would be permanently stuck on "outlook not so good".



Redpaws
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02 Feb 2022, 6:41 am

Doberdoofus wrote:
For future reference https://magic-8ball.com/


Woo-hoo, I tried it and got the answer I hoped on my first attempt! If the Magic 8-Ball says it will be so, it certain will. :lol:


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Doberdoofus
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02 Feb 2022, 11:18 am

Redpaws wrote:
Doberdoofus wrote:
For future reference https://magic-8ball.com/


Woo-hoo, I tried it and got the answer I hoped on my first attempt! If the Magic 8-Ball says it will be so, it certain will. :lol:


Yay! Let the doubting Thomases doubt, Magic 8-Ball delivers again :wink:


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goldfish21
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02 Feb 2022, 11:18 am

Image


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goldfish21
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06 Feb 2022, 1:12 pm

Well, looks like this is happening. Now it's a matter of some official conversations, criminal background cheque, signing of documents by various parties, discussing financial terms & getting them to pay for the maximum of everything they'll pay for etc and then securing a place to rent in the required location, moving, furnishing the place yadda yadda yadda and being responsible for a 14 year old.

Chatted with his foster mother and her husband of the last 10 years last night for about and hour and a half when I dropped him off after dinner with my aunt/uncle (his grandparents) & I get it. He's had a safe home, but they've outgrown each other. She's almost 70 years old, VERY strict, quirky and eccentric. Sure, he wouldn't be beaten, but it also wouldn't be a healthy living situation for either of them seeing as how much they're clashing now. She's made a career of fostering Mostly younger kids, and at 70 can't deal with a diabetic teenager. (Who is a Good kid, just a normal teenager, not a massive behaviour problem kid - which is why I can't let him go live in a group home and be ruined.)

So, yep, that's that. goldfishy has been called up to God father duties. Time to shift gears in life and make the best of raising a teenager into a proper adult that still has connections to his extended family all around him here. Not exactly abnormal in my mom's side of the family.. grandma, aunt, uncle, cousin, my mom for a brief bit - they've all taken turns raising others' kids for a while. Seems my number came up and it's my turn now.

Pros, cons, changes etc - mostly good, IMO. Probably give me better structure, discipline, and routine Knowing I have to do certain things at certain times. Plus the chances of me ever having my own kids are near zero, sooo, it's an opportunity to do some parenting. And with his extended family around, if I need to get away for more than a few hours it's easy enough to have him spend a day/weekend at his grandparents or cousins etc now and then. Other times I'm sure it'll be "What do you mean you wanna go hangout with your friends and don't want to come up the mountains today??" heh

*deep breath* f**k it; ready or not I just gotta do it. 8) At least he's been in a safe place for the last 10 years while I've had that time to get my life together.


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txfz1
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06 Feb 2022, 2:05 pm

Best of luck to you both. Remember to also take care of yourself, that would be a lot of stress for me, especially in the beginning. YMMV