Anyone got a magic 8 ball to shake??

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Yes, I’ve been through some of that.

Here we have something called a guardian ad litem which is a court appointed volunteer who advocates for the child. Is there anything like that in Canada? This is in addition to the social workers, who are generally way overworked.

No idea.

One social worker directed me to contact a legal aid organization called Family Justice for advice/help. My aunt contacted them. They might just be a lawyer referral service, though.

Another social worker told my aunt not to waste $$$$$ on lawyers, to just give it time and let them work their process as “we have the same goals.” She said that phrase to me, too. So we believe they’re just working through the legal process of counselling and interviews/investigations etc and even though it’s slow as molasses and there’s been no update, we Think they’re doing what they can for more than just trying to get family visitation.. we think they’re trying to get him out of there - it’s just complicated due to her having legal guardianship.

My aunt sent that latest worker a couple texts and left a couple messages. No replies from her with any updates or info, which is frustrating. I might call her myself and ask if there’s any updates on anything.

We haven’t messaged the child in question to ask details about any updates in the process if he knows any. We’d prefer to visit and ask him in person - and so would he. He does text/messaging apps, but doesn’t do phone calls and much prefers in person conversations. If we can arrange to visit then we’ll talk with him in person, remind him that his extended family has his back and if he tells them he wants out Now/walks away and leaves, he won’t be homeless. Last my aunt was able to chat with him he was Also frustrated at the process and the fact that his guardian changed her mind and is being so controlling and cruel as he’d prefer to just move in with me and start fresh in a better situation - like 5 months ago already vs all this nonsense.

Stupid witch is still isolating him 100% from family - says he’s unavailable or replies with “all visits cancelled for a while” with no explanation of why or for how long. It’s been half a year of this BS.

We figure their 6 months of counselling must be just about up now and he’ll get to tell them what he wants and gtfo of that sh***y household. Nope. I was chatting with him a few days ago and he said he’s only 8 weeks into 6 months of counselling trips because they didn’t start for 4 months. F. Another at least 4 months wait. :/ sh***y for him and his grandmother for sure.

I guess there are a couple silver lining bright sides to all of this:

1. He’ll turn 15 in November, so when the counselling process is complete and he has his say of what he wants as an outcome it’ll carry more weight than a 14 year old saying it as 14 is the Minimum age when they have to start listening and taking into account what a child wants. I do wonder if the delay may have been an intentional strategic tactic by social workers so that it ends after he turns 15 *IF* his higher age carries more weight ?

2. He has not changed his mind and will not change his mind - he wants out and to come live with me. He said the one meeting he had with the new social worker and a counsellor she tried to pressure him into agreeing to a meeting with a counsellor and his legal guardian.. and as passive and conflict avoidant as he is, he said “No.” (WOOHOO! ) He also told me his legal guardian continues to try to get him to change his mind but he’s not gonna. (GOOD! ) I’m glad I’ve been paying his phone bill every month so I can keep in touch and reassure him that I and his grandmother and the rest of the fam are here for him regardless of whatever nonsense his legal guardian is Definitely telling him. I’m sure that’s a big part of the reason he Knows he can just wait this prison sentence out and stick to his guns and tell ‘em what He wants as an outcome and who he wants to live with.

Probably end up being Dec/Jan when he comes to live with me - move during Christmas break from school I guess. Then we’ll be on the lookout for a whole house to rent in his area - but on the much nicer side of the area on the opposite side of his high school, right smack dab in the middle of one of my absolute favourite residential areas in the whole region. Right next to some fairly world class biking and hiking trails in a couple massive parks. Then I’ll sublet half the house or rooms and keep the deck/yard/garage for us. It’s gonna be a good move for both of us; just sucks that there’s another 4 month delay of game. Worth it in the end for the long term results, though!

And really truly, if they don’t let him out of there in 4 months then I think he’d get pissed off and just leave.. like “F you guys, I played your game for another 10 f’n months, if you don’t let me leave I’m just leaving,” kind of thing. One way or another, I bet by the end of the year he’ll be outta there - even if it means he walks out the door and calls his grandmother for a ride. I don’t foresee any scenario where he’s going to stay there until he’s 18 - why would anyone wanna stay where they’re told they’re not wanted and they know they’re not loved? Crazy. All of it. But for his sake I/we just have to be patient and let the legal process run it’s course.

Ever been "unable," to text someone back for more than a month ?

I can't recall ever being this way myself.

Haven't had a text response from my cousin's kid in a month or so. Over the last month I've sent several (age appropriate) memes that I also send to his cousin that's the same age. (14/15) He used to at least "react," to some of them even if he didn't send a reply. I've sent a couple messages to ask if his phone was still working ?? because I know that the charging port was on the fritz and he had to use one of those cordless charges that you set the phone on. Last he mentioned the phone itself he said it was fine and didn't need to make an effort for repair/replacement.

The phone bill is paid through September - I know because I pay it. It's a pay as you go thing, so I snap a pic of the PIN and send it to him to enter to keep the phone on.

My aunt, his grandmother, who I saw a couple weeks ago told me she sends texts and doesn't get replies.. but she sent one a few weeks back and got a "<3" in response - which is mostly all she ever gets. She said something like "he'll talk when he's ready."

She may be correct. Maybe I just have to be patient and wait. I'm 100% certain he's afflicted with a mild case of asd like my mothers whole side of the family, so maybe it's just some expression of that + teenaged ignoring things lol + back to school life stresses + omfg I feel for that kid having to live with his current legal guardian who's a cruel, cruel, despicable woman. He used to see his grandmother/grandfather monthly for 3 hours on a Tuesday evening & sometimes other family during that time, but now the evil woman that signed guardianship papers of him last October has completely isolated him from seeing any of his family for more than 1/2 a year now. Maybe that's taking it's toll, too. :/

I've just never personally been in a state where I didn't respond to texts from people At All for over a month and just curious if this is at all "normal" for a stressed out teenager mildly on the spectrum ? I was wondering if maybe his phone had been confiscated, but my aunt Did get a "<3" out of him so that tells me no.. and maybe she's right, maybe he'll just start talking when he's ready.

Who knows, maybe in the middle of this month when that evil cow doesn't let him attend his older half brother's wedding he'll get super pissed off and reach out to family ? Or maybe he'll just shut down and keep to himself counting down the days until HOPEFULLY the last ~3 months of his "jail sentence," time is served. In 3 months it'll be 10 months since this saga began and 6 months of counselling complete, after which point we HOPE the ministry of family & children's move is to remove him from that home. He hopes so, too. And IF that's not the way things go after that time served and process gone through, my $ would be bet on him losing his s**t and getting mad enough to just walk out and run away like so many other kids that have lived in that home. I'm sure he'll be like "Wtf? I did everything you asked and waited to gtfo of here.. wtf do you mean I have to stay with this mean b***h that doesn't want me here??"

Aside: Best $25/mo I've ever spent in my entire life has been keeping his phone on so he Knows that his family is here for him despite the crazy lies and BS his ex-foster mother is feeding him.

Just venting I guess. Also hoping for a little insight from anyone who's found themselves "unable," to send a text reply at all for an extended period. Would maybe make me feel a little better that that's all it is and I just have to be patient.

Sweet Pea hugs

That evil f*****g witch isn't allowing him to go to his older 1/2 brother's wedding today. I knew she was awful, but this one is next level. I mean, weddings aren't necessarily the biggest deal in the world.. I've been to many, I had to skip my cousin's wedding due to having covid a couple weeks ago, but, this kid has never been to a wedding and was invited by his older 1/2 brother months ago who wanted both him and his cousin there even though they have a super small guest list of like maybe 15 people because they're both nervous wrecks and don't want an audience. It would have been a bit of a special moment bonding kind of thing for all of them and this evil f*****g witch tells him he can't go to his brothers wedding because they're going camping. BS, they only went camping so he couldn't go to the wedding - plus she could have easily left him at home with a babysitter Or allowed him to just stay the night or weekend at his grandmothers.

Chances are she won't allow him to attend my birthday, either. Pretty consistent 7+ months of denying all family visitation. At least I pay to keep his phone active so we can remind him that we care enough to include him, but she's blocking everything. I'm glad he did reply to my message and tell me he can't go to his brothers wedding because they're going camping so that I could tell him to make sure and tell his social workers and counsellor about that as it'll all just be more ammunition to use against her in how she treats him when it comes time for them to make a determination about his living situation. We don't Know because they won't/can't tell us anything, but we Think that something like that will happen around November or so as their 6 months of counselling will be up and we Think at the end of that they'll make decisions as to what happens next.

With a little luck she'll take a long walk of a short pier or something before that, but if she's still around, I Hope they let him leave that house and she gets a restraining order placed against her to never contact him or his family again.

I phoned and left a message for the social worker yesterday. Told her it's one thing for him to miss family birthdays and barbecues, but another thing entirely for him to be denied the opportunity to attend his brother's wedding - that I'm sure it's very upsetting for him and I Hope that he has someone to talk to that isn't <legal guardian>.

That way it's not just complaining about her cruelty, but framed as genuine concern for the child's well being, which Might make social workers take it seriously. Even if they don't say s**t to her about being cruel to him, even if he doesn't complain to workers/counsellors about this particular treatment.. I've reported it to the case worker so she's definitely aware of this incident and I Hope it carries weight when making any determinations and decisions in another 2-3 months. My Hope is that they use it as one of many examples of her ongoing needless cruel treatment of him and ammunition to opt to remove him from that home.

Ofc I don't actually expect her to let him attend my brothers birthday, but I'll still text and tell her that since she hasn't responded to arrange for a family member to drive I assume she'd prefer to drop off and pick up herself.. and might add that there's no reason for her to stay, just drop off and pick up. (stopping just short of telling her to f**k off because she's not invited nor welcome, but she'll get the message when I tell her she can just drop him off and pick him up and there's no need for her to stick around.) Even if she doesn't reply at all, I like that she gets nice little reminders that I exist and am actively working towards destroying her income source & forcing her into retirement. Hopefully that goal is achieved in under 3 months' more time with very little additional input by myself or other family members, as social workers advised my aunt not to spend $$$$ on lawyers and to let them do their work and work their process.. that it'd take time but 'we have the same goals.' However, if things don't go the way we want them to - with him being allowed to leave that home - then in 3 months' time it'll be time to start reading up on family law, possibly hiring a lawyer but possibly representing my aunt and uncle myself, and proceeding to file the paperwork necessary to take this exceptionally unpleasant woman to court to have a judge rule on family visitation. (unless the kid decides he's had enough BS and waiting and just runs away from that home and goes to his grandmothers, then a judge may set him free w/o all the rest of the bs.)

Yes.

*Shake-shake-shake-shake*

It says "cannot predict now".

Same here w/o a magic 8 ball. All we can do is Hope based on what little we know because, basically, social workers aren’t allowed to tell us anything about their ongoing investigation or peoples’ counselling etc.

Hopefully things go how we want them to, for his sake. Because if they don’t then it could get very expensive to hire a lawyer just for my aunt and uncle to get back the monthly visitations they once had. $20,000.00 was the estimate.. to be able to see their grandson once a month for 3 hours if a judge grants them the same visitation the foster mother allowed for the last decade. Mind you, a judge might think that’s nuts and grant greater visitation rights than that.

But hopefully social workers work their process and uncover enough wrongdoing to remove him from that home And shut down her foster home and force her into retirement. She’s 71+ years old and treats children and their families Very Badly.

She never replied to my text from about a week ago so I messaged again to say that I didn't get a reply to arrange a family member to drive so does that mean you prefer to drive/drop off/pick up tmw eve? (for a family gathering)

She replied an hour later and said:

'no going
visit cancelled'

She's too lazy to even type a sentence anymore. I responded and put it in writing that social workers recommend maximum family visitation vs. zero and asked why she's doing the opposite. I also asked if after 10+ years she's trying to make him dislike her, because this seems like a good way to do it.


I put those things in writing to her for two reasons:

1. because I know it'll bother her.
2. I did it w/o insults or being rude etc just in case I ever need to show those communications in court - so she can't pretend that she was unaware that she's not supposed to be holding children hostage from visiting their families And that the child clearly isn't going to like it. Then she can't play stupid in court and pretend she had no idea that kids are supposed to visit their families or pretend she had no idea it would cause problems between the kid and herself.

Of course she didn't respond to either question - she never does. But it's at least right there in writing where she can't pretend she didn't know the information - same reason I've made similar comments in text several times.


Hopefully there's no reason for court costs or time. Hopefully another couple months or so and he gets set free and she gets forced into retirement. Only time will tell if that's the way things go or if we have to go to court to get family visitation or if the kid gets so mad at being there he runs away like his sister did years ago.

Chatted with the kid back and forth for 20-25mins this morning. Seems he was just taking a bit of a break from his phone for a couple months and didn't feel like saying so. He seems to be doing Ok through all of this bs and hangin in there alright.

HOPEFULLY another couple months of this poop and at the end of their 6 months of counselling, they ask him what he wants and then they listen to him and let him leave that home.

We THINK that's the social workers' plan - we just don't know for sure because they're not allowed to tell us. Which is both frustrating and understandable.

In the meantime, one of my other aunt's on the other side of the family used to work for the ministry of family and children's services for a few years. I think I'm gonna ask her if there's any basic stuff I should read up on about taking an evil witch to court for grandparents' rights/family visitation - she may know if the forms are fairly straight forward to fill out and I can do it myself instead of paying $$$$ to a law talking guy to do it. If it's virtually idiot proof stuff and relatively easy to successfully represent yourself by just laying out the facts about the history of visitation and then the 100% complete isolation for the last 8 months, 10+ in a couple months, then maybe that's all a judge needs to know - that the foster parent allowed extremely limited visitation (against the law and we didn't know it) and then once they signed guardianship papers, flipped like a switch and became a witch and then has isolated him from his family ever since. Can't see a judge in family court not finding that to be unreasonable behaviour and ordering her to allow him to have family visitation.

But really hoping not to have to go to court at all. 2 other options before that.. 1. Ideally they set him free in a couple months. or 2. If they don't set him free, it'd be so much faster and cheaper if he just decided he's had enough of this BS and ran away to his grandparents' home and told social workers to do whatever paperwork they have to do to make it so he doesn't have to go back there.

Continue to invite him to family functions, no text reply from his legal guardian the last 3 times. 2 out of 3 I phoned the house and she tells her husband to hang up on me. They never tell him he's invited to anything with his family - but I let him know that he is so he knows.

Sounds like some counselling sessions were cancelled/postponed and there's at least another couple months delay - so it may be a full year that he doesn't see anyone in his family.

I reminded him that he Can make arrangements to visit his grandmother and if his legal guardian blows up about it that'll simply reflect poorly on her for not allowing him to see his family for a year.

I guess we'll see what happens - if he makes plans to visit his grandparents/extended family over the holidays or he doesn't. Time will tell.

This situation is still ongoing and there’s a possibility that it happens.

It’s been almost a full year since she let him see or talk to any of his family - kid hasn’t seen his grandparents for a year (or cousins) and they’re not getting any younger or healthier.

This woman lies to him, says he can see his family soon etc - that was a few months ago. He knows she won’t ever be nice to his grandmother/family again so he can see them.

Social workers can’t give family any info at all so don’t return my aunts phone calls.

There’s still a chance that he tells his social workers F this I never signed up to never see my family again and tells them he wants out of that house, and if they agree to get him out, then he’ll come live with me and get to see his grandparents and cousins whenever he wants.

Hanging with this 15yo’s 15yo cousin this eve who haven’t seen each other for almost a year. This one suggested he go knock on their door and see if the old woman let’s him visit his cousin.. so I’m parked around the corner and he’s been gone for 20+ minutes so they must not have slammed the door in his face. 100% they would have if they saw me or my car lol maybe I’ll drive a different vehicle next time and pull up out front.

My best guess is he must actually be visiting his cousin since he hasn’t come back yet. Told him I’d wait even if it’s an hour or whatever - cousins haven’t seen each other for a year that used to hangout monthly.

Lol that unpleasant woman grilled the kid about who brought him there (asked if it was me or their grandmother) and ofc he lied. She talked s**t about me, told him a bunch of verifiable lies, and after half an hour at the door let him in to see his cousin for an hour. First time they’ve seen each other in about a year.

Glad he’s a very smart kid and kept on neutral terms for himself and relayed all the intel to me to pass it on to whom it concerns.. the grandmother, his cousin. Good intel. Wasn’t even intended to be a reconnaissance mission but it sure turned out that way!

Relayed the recon intel to the other kid today and confirmed 100% of what she said is bs lies. Must piss this kid off so much that that’s who he’s living with right now still. He hasn’t seen his grandmother in almost a year but suggested how he might be able to get away for a couple hours to visit so I encouraged him to do it and we’ve all made arrangements to meet this afternoon. Should see him in a few hours for a couple hours. Hoping that after an in person visit he has the energy to call his worker and start making demands to have his living situation changed. Time will tell - but this, today, is a huge progressive step forward!