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Angnix
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03 Feb 2022, 7:33 am

One lady in this apartment complex drives me crazy, she's trying to befriend me, but her behavior is just bad...

She feels like she has to give lengthy explanations about mundane things, and when I interrupted her once saying I already knew that, she snapped back with "let me explain or I'm gonna be really pissed off at you!! !" In a threatening voice... And her explanations are long and she won't let me interrupt...

And she won't stop talking about very personal things... I tend to do that, but I really don't wanna know details of her live she shares...

I don't know what to say to her... I kinda understand why she might not have friends, but she's downstairs all day, can't avoid her...


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munstead
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03 Feb 2022, 8:52 am

Pretend to be on a phone call whenever you walk past her downstairs. That should stop her talking to you, and is an excuse if she is rude enough to try.



Fnord
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03 Feb 2022, 9:00 am

Try this.

Say, "Ohsorryverybusygottarunbyebye!" and keep right on walking.

It works for me.



rowan_nichol
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03 Feb 2022, 11:31 am

Could she be one of us who doesn't know it yet?



ToughDiamond
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03 Feb 2022, 6:01 pm

Well, you don't have to tolerate her accosting you. If you've tried all the polite ways of getting her to simmer down, the only remaining option (short of becoming her slave) is to be rude to her. I'd be very reluctant to do that myself, and would probably look very hard for ways of being kind but firm and frank with her, which I suppose is some kind of middle road between being so polite that you're trapped and so hostile that you feel guilty or just make her turn really nasty like The Cable Guy. But very few people are as bad as him. If she gets angry, she gets angry. What do you think she's going to do? It's not your responsibility to keep her in a good mood. She must have met people before who haven't tolerated her invasiveness. I'd want to be one of those people, unless she's buried them all in the back yard. And I don't suppose she has.



timf
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04 Feb 2022, 7:13 am

The tactics you try should start with being busy. If these prove inadequate you may have to escalate to the brutally honest.

"Are the threatening me to manipulate me to listen to you? This would be extortion".
"Are you aware that you are annoyingly talkative, it can seem like a type of assault".
"I am sorry but you talk too much and if you are unable to be brief, I will just ignore you".



KMCIURA
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04 Feb 2022, 8:33 am

Ask yourself these questions:

Will being on wrong terms with her will affect your life negatively in any significant way? Do you truly care about having some sort of connection with this person?

If answer to both is no, then simply tell her that she is bothersome. If she won't change her behaviour, simply ignore her. What is she going to do? Get mad at you? You do not owe her attention and your time. Her feelings are not your problem. You have right to be good to yourself and cut off from what makes you uncomfortable and irritated, even if it's another person and especially if it is a person who is insignificant for you.

Now, if this lady would be your landlord or someone who potentially could be useful to you, it would be worth to pretend that you like her and giving her a bit of attention. But otherwise, if you do not want to engage in any friendship or even casual conversation with her just ...don't. Yeah, she will be pissed off and most likely feel bad at being rejected. It is her problem not yours, though.



Elgee
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04 Feb 2022, 2:51 pm

This is a prime example of why eye contact can be so important. If you've been avoiding eye contact with her, this makes her feel she can control you, because gaze aversion sends the signal of meekness and being easily bullied.

I've been able to make people retreat with just my eyes, maybe also with a few words. And that was that. Give her an angry look. If she's autistic that doesn't excuse her hostility. It may excuse a friendly infodump, but not her threatening behavior.

With that said, be blunt and don't worry about her feelings getting hurt. You're not her first dumping post.



Fnord
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04 Feb 2022, 2:53 pm

timf wrote:
The tactics you try should start with being busy. If these prove inadequate you may have to escalate to the brutally honest.

"Are the threatening me to manipulate me to listen to you? This would be extortion".
"Are you aware that you are annoyingly talkative, it can seem like a type of assault".
"I am sorry but you talk too much and if you are unable to be brief, I will just ignore you".
Emotionally needy people rarely (if ever) listen to reason.  They want attention.  Do not give it to them.



Dear_one
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05 Feb 2022, 1:44 pm

I keep an egg timer handy. You could put on labels "my turn" and "your turn" opposite ways up. Keep some of your minutes for the next few encounters by laying it on its side. If they try to talk over you anyway, shout in their face, possibly about the gaps in their social education.