who here battles low self-esteem?

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all my life i have been aware of feeling defective. anybody else here going through these feelings? if you are, how do you deal with it?

I feel the same way. I haven't learned to deal with it yet. Mabe by the time I turn 60.

thank you for your reply i can tell you that going over the big 6 0 feels subjectively different than the transition from 49 to 50. it is like all my defectiveness came to a head into a hydra-headed grotesque mess.

Yes, I deal with this, as all people do at some time. I try to remind myself that most people try to get you to buy into their image of the world, which is often flattering to them. Most of my self-esteem issues stem from language games people like to play with me and how they approach me 1) as if I'm like them, which I'm not, or 2) as if I should be like them, to be valid. I think many here probably go through the same thing, living among people who don't understand them.

It's nice when people appreciate us, but searching for exterior validation can be dangerous. We have to validate and love ourselves before finding that elsewhere. This is one reason why I never liked Maslow or the Hierarchy of Needs.

great. something to look forward to.

With me it's not a matter that's completely resolved, but I wouldn't say I battle with it any more. I've always had "am I good enough?" feelings but these days I see that as a rather meaningless question, and when I'm aware of that kind of self-doubt I usually just ask myself "good enough for what?" It's not my job to measure up to any particular arbitrary standard of human worth. I am what I am, you may like it or you may not. I don't even bother telling myself that I have a right to be here. I am here, and I'm going to stay here as long as it suits me to do so, or die trying.

It's not the same thing as popularity. I know of some popular individuals who I certainly don't look up to. How popular I am is important to me, but I don't see it as a measure of my true worth, because I don't think a human being has any particular objective "worth factor" that can be measured. If I'm useful to others then I like that, but if not, I'm not going to worry about it. I don't think I do more harm than good, and as far as I'm concerned that's my last offer to the world. I don't want to sit in judgement over the esoteric question of my worth, I just try to get on with life.

low self esteem was found related to not living as the kind of man perceived most respected. seeking to be, in how he is, not in what he has, while a difficult never-ending journey rather than futilely pointing to people who are worse, tends to leave the worst critic within speechless, or sounding something a fool. it’s basically the gist of the discipline behind confucian thought, which was something borrowed even as more a buddhist. it’s never about being better than anyone else, it’s merely leading yourself, and others, by way of example of what a clearest conscience looks.

^^same here, never knew what was wrong or even if I was defective, just different in some areas. I knew I had intelligence so I feel I became arrogant instead of meek. This has cost me family, friends, a court date, and lots of headaches for co-workers that thought I was a push-over.

I like Temple G's rules where she abides by Roy Rogers' 10.

1. Be neat and clean....I make up my bed every day, the first thing and I always have a made up bed to retire.
2. Be courteous and polite, well duh!
3. Always obey your parents, I missed the boat on that one but mostly
4. Protect the weak and help them, another well, duh!
5. Be brave but never take chances, ummmm, this one is contradictory but bravery is good.
6. Study hard and learn all you can. damn, I went thru HS by only opening the book to do homework. I only learned what I was interested.
7. Be kind to animals and take care of them. another well, duh moment!
8. Eat all your food and never waste any. We were dirt poor so this was easy.
9. Love God, never understood it until later in life.
10. Always respect our flag and our country. I liked reciting the pledge of allegiance and fumbling the words ever once in awhile.

As a social creature who suffers from a variety of dysfunctions, yes. But when it comes to who I am as a human being, no. In the latter department, I feel quite secure. I've managed to acquire some academic achievements that I'm quite proud of, largely the poetry I've written and published. That's the best thing I'll leave behind and that gives me a sense of meaning.

1. Be neat and clean....I make up my bed every day, the first thing and I always have a made up bed to retire.
I like to keep my mess down to a minimum, but to me that's more down to practicality than self-esteem or morals.
2. Be courteous and polite, well duh!
I suppose I'm more polite than the average chap, but I think there's a lot to be said for a bit more bluntness in the mix, I mean it's possible to be too polite. And I've met people who are somewhat crusty but kind and genuine with it.
3. Always obey your parents, I missed the boat on that one but mostly
I never did approve of that commandment. I wasn't particularly disobedient as a child, but I had my moments and I'm not ashamed of them. Sometimes parents are wrong, overbearing, restrictive, overprotective, selfish.
4. Protect the weak and help them, another well, duh!
I like doing that, but I don't see it as my duty.
5. Be brave but never take chances, ummmm, this one is contradictory but bravery is good.
I try to take reasonable risks, but I'm not going to beat myself up for not getting that perfect every time. Sometimes it's refreshing to throw caution to the wind, sometimes it's good to play it extremely safe.
6. Study hard and learn all you can. damn, I went thru HS by only opening the book to do homework. I only learned what I was interested.
By the end of my school years I was proudly doing the bare minimum to scrape through the exams. To work harder would have been something of a waste. And the school expected a ridiculous amount of hard work.
7. Be kind to animals and take care of them. another well, duh moment!
I'm not cruel to them, and I'm often kind to them, but I have my limits. That racoon outside can take care of himself. And I've taken in my last stray cat. Nearly drove us mad finding good homes for the 4 kittens the last one had. Doesn't TG raise animals to be killed for eating? I don't.
8. Eat all your food and never waste any. We were dirt poor so this was easy.
I somehow got programmed to do that, and can't seem to shake the habit, though obviously it makes practical sense unless I find a magic money tree. When I can choose my own food, of course I want to eat it all. But if it's what somebody else has dished up and it tastes nasty, I reserve the right not to.
9. Love God, never understood it until later in life.
I think I understand it, but as I don't think deities exist, then as far as I'm concerned there's nothing there to love.
10. Always respect our flag and our country. I liked reciting the pledge of allegiance and fumbling the words ever once in awhile.
Being English, I guess I'm exempted. If I'm supposed to respect the British flag and the UK, I don't know quite what that means in real terms. I'm somewhat in favour of Scotland, Wales and Ireland going independent and breaking up the United Kingdom. To me, a flag is just a bit of cloth, so it would be like trying to respect a pillowcase. I wouldn't burn one if I thought it would hurt anybody's feelings but I don't quite understand why they'd care. I can respect a person, but I don't see what it means to respect a huge chunk of land teeming with all kinds of life forms. I try not to harm most of it, but that doesn't include bullies or mosquitos. Just because a life form or a thing was made in Britain doesn't make it above contempt. The English aren't as patriotic as the Americans, and I suspect that's a good thing, because many of the seemingly patriotic English are jerks - e.g. Tommy Robinson, Boris Johnson. It's somewhat associated with the far right who I despise.

The only connection to self esteem is the endorphins or hormones you get when completing a chore or task. I'm a firm believer that hormones affect me. I strive to feed this monster.

TG does work for an industry that kill animals and I think her reasoning behind it was noble. She changed the industry and made the processing more humane. Humans are omnivores in general, that monster will always be there needing substance.

The flag is just a piece of cloth but it is also a symbol. I take pride in my country and also acknowledge it atrocities. I feel the good still outnumber the evil on the score card.

The god rule is also strange to me, I still haven't fully grasped it. I don't really love it but then I also don't hate it. I think the agape definition works for it but find it hard to say I love a deity. I wouldn't even say I respect it, just I acknowledge it as a possibility there is an existence of a creator. Something to find out when I get there!

I fit in this camp. For me it can some on in intense waves of feeling "less than" or feeling "other than".

Having more than one disability, an autistic father and an abusive mother certainly didn't help.
And then cancer kind of knocked the stuffing out of me physically as well.
Isolation does help.

You can't measure self esteem

You can't measure competence

Confidence not proportional to competence:. High self esteem

I don't have enough self to measure my self-esteem.

I feel like I don't have a self.

I read where girls mature so fast if they aren't identified by two these girls may never know their self. Even tho I have a sense or knowing of my self, I sometimes wonder about my own self, did I lose anything?

I had to ask my mom how I learned how to feed. She didn't realize I was asking about the first breast feeds and was telling me about my hand to mouth coordination skills. Then she went into the other direction and I had to stop her again from saying TMI.

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Tom Robbins