How to cope with living with family?

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I was wondering if anyone could give me any tips on how to cope with living with family.

I have lived with my mother since we moved in here in 2005. I do not have enough money to get my own house (and it seems most people won't rent to anyone on benefits). I've just about got away with this as my Mum worked full time and thus I can get my laundry, housework, cooking, bicycle maintenance, etc done during the day. But she went part time last year and has fully retired this year. Its amazing how much I relied on someone else's routine for my day to day life.

Anyway, I'm now basically stuck with her full time. I don't have a job to go to myself (and haven't worked in years due to AS & depression), and don't really have any friends to go and see, and generally speaking, very little to go out for. I did finally start going to the gym last year, but even that might mean I am only out for 3 hours twice a week.

I am confined to this bedroom with nothing to do but read webpages and chat on IRC. My bikes are knackered and in need of a lot of repair but I can't get into the garage to do anything, and even if I can get in there, I can't concentrate on what i'm doing. I struggle to cook decent meals due to depression but its pot luck as to whether the kitchen will be accessible anyway.

I have been in this situation before when my Mum has been out of work, and whilst it wasn't ideal, I was successfully treating my depression with medication at the time, which helped with a lot of 'functioning'. I stopped taking medication a year ago due to lack of medical services in my country, and my depression symptoms have been far worse lately.

Anyone got any ideas? I think I really need to find things to do, away from the house, for as many hours as possible. I suppose ideally I'd get a job, but we all know how those work out for people with AS.

Thanks.
steve30.

Many people with AS work successfully.

How about becoming a bicycle repairer? I know people rely very much on their bikes in the Netherlands.

Work can be daunting to some people with AS and depression. Looking for work can be even more daunting, and when you have these disorders holding you back it is important to have a job that suits you and your needs, not just the first job that comes along.

I can't really think of any advice but I can empathise with you. When I lived with my family I was a nightmare to live with because of my ADHD and misophonia (I got easily agitated by sounds of normal activity that I heard from my bedroom, and having ADHD made me home in on the little noises and caused me to fly up in a rage). But I know this isn't the issue you're struggling with.

If you can't ride a bike, you can walk instead. Any kind of fresh air and exercise is good for depression. Maybe find a project, like improving a trail or picking up trash. On the bike, don't go there to fix it; go there to do one thing that counts as progress. Then, visit to do two things, and so on as your ability increases.

Anyone got any ideas? I think I really need to find things to do, away from the house, for as many hours as possible. I suppose ideally I'd get a job, but we all know how those work out for people with AS.

This sounds like a good idea. You might even try volunteer work.

Some day your mother may not be around to help you. When that day comes, what will you do? The more skills you learn, the better your options will be.

Ideally you'd get a job indeed. It's hard for pretty much everyone these days, for people with AS or some disability or two even more so, but it's possible. You're in a good position in the sense that since you live with your mom, you apparently don't need a job that would cover all the living expenses right now, so you could start with a low paying part time job. Those are a lot easier to get than full time jobs, too.

...But if working feels like too big of a change at the moment, how about spending time at a local library? Are there any at a reasonable distance?

Telecommuting job

Day labor center

You could hang posters advertising your services. Example:. Yard work, babysitting. Anything you know how to do that someone will pay you for

Have you considered contacting an employment firm in your area
that may help people on the spectrum find work?

You could try volunteering. Pick different places and see what you like. I used to enjoy going to an hospice home for elderly. Many of the people don't have family visit and just want someone to chat with, or play card games with or need someone to read to them.

If you like animals, you can get a dog or cat. I never feel lonely when I'm with my dog. If you get a medium to big dog you can go hiking with them and camping which can be very relaxing and therapeutic. If its a calm dog you can train em to be a therapy dog to take to elderly homes or children's hospitals. It's really rewarding and easy to make friend's. And you don't have to have a set schedule. So you go when you have a good day and stay home when your not.

I can't cope with this any more.

I had two months when I was banished from the bathroom due to a foul smelling "air freshener", and had to have my showers at the gym, and dreaded going to the toilet (and I go to the toilet a lot).

I have a problem with a pervert who comes to my upstairs window with ladders including when I have no clothes on. I haven't had my curtains open all year and have become very sensitive to sunlight because of it. I was doing some much needed bike repair last month when my Mum was on holiday. I managed to get myself calm and relaxed enough to do the job, and made a good start; then I came in for some toast, and who should turn up, but Mr Peeping Tom. I barricaded the door for my own safety (no one came in), but the house and garage were both unlocked, with lights on, music playing and washing out, so it was obvious there was someone here. He came earlier on today and was chatting to my Mum so it must be something of her doing.

I've had people banging on the door multiple times a day everyday while she's been on holiday (her holidays are usually my peace-and-quiet time).

I cannot keep any frozen food in the house and have to keep my tinned and dried stuff in the bedroom, due to her stockpiling for when the "New World Order" takes over and creates shortages. Some of my fresh food mysteriously disappears, sometimes within hours of me buying it. I no longer eat well and very quickly run out of food as I don't make it to the shops very often due to stress & tiredness. I have become overly reliant on local takeaways which are too expensive for me to have regularly.

I limit doing laundry to when she goes on holiday to avoid things going missing.

I am in a constant state of anxiety. It exhausts me, and I struggle to do anything. I finally got a YouTube video done this morning (before Mr Pervert turned up). That had been on the to do list for over a month as I cannot concentrate on anything. I managed a couple of successful trips to the gym this week but often I'm too tired to do anything there, or just feel like I'm about to burst into tears.

I was about ready for bed until Mr Pervert turned up. Well, I expect I'll load up on sleeping pills and barricade the door.

Well, I've made it a year... somehow.

I'm currently sat here in a state of high anxiety, wanting to smash things out of frustration from being stuck here. I should probably go to the gym and take it out on some weights, but I'm so knackered that I can't manage it.

I have a meeting to go to on Sunday so that's at least something to look forward to.

Living with family can be difficult. When I finally moved away from my mother (for the second time) I thought I was free and would no longer have to live with my family. Now I'm stuck with my partner and daughter because we can't afford his and her houses so I'm still living with my family.

Are there support services in your country where disabled people can be given an apartment?

How about taking some classes? It doesn't have to be stressful. If you're physically OK maybe stuff like dance or yoga, or hobby based like drawing. It might be good for your mom to sign up for some classes, too at the community center or something.

Isn’t there a disabled workshop in your country? In 1990, I was working in a disabled workshop, I wish I was a better employee. You can work at a fast food restaurant like Wendy’s or McDonald’s or something like that. You can work in a library or grocery store. If you work, you can make money to move out. You can buy a TV for your bedroom,maybe buy a gaming system to play games if you play games.