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Brainiac42
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20 Feb 2022, 6:21 pm

I’m getting married, and my GF has many friends to put in her Bridal Party, and I have one who is going to be my groomsmen (as my only close friend is a male), and no one to put on my side... so I am going to ask my childhood best friend who I haven’t seen in years. I hate that I don’t have many friends but I guess it doesn’t matter much.



nick007
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24 Feb 2022, 7:26 am

If I was in your situation I would not be bothered by the fact that I have almost no friends & instead I'd be worrying about the wedding being a big social affair. My social anxiety would have me freaked out for being a major source of attention for an extremely chaotic day instead of me feeling left out because my partner has a lot more friends than me. I would much rather an elopement type wedding but of corse that's just as much your partner's choice to make. My crummy advice is to just try to get through it as best you can & let her be in charge of the wedding planning since she has a lot more people she wants to invite so you'd have less responsibility to worry about.


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Brainiac42
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25 Feb 2022, 10:55 pm

nick007 wrote:
If I was in your situation I would not be bothered by the fact that I have almost no friends & instead I'd be worrying about the wedding being a big social affair. My social anxiety would have me freaked out for being a major source of attention for an extremely chaotic day instead of me feeling left out because my partner has a lot more friends than me. I would much rather an elopement type wedding but of corse that's just as much your partner's choice to make. My crummy advice is to just try to get through it as best you can & let her be in charge of the wedding planning since she has a lot more people she wants to invite so you'd have less responsibility to worry about.


I am also worried about that. We are having a small wedding with only close family/friends, so that’s okay. But I am very nervous about all eyes being on me; and it being my day..



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25 Feb 2022, 11:02 pm

I think the most romantic weddings have no wedding party.
Just one witness - usually a good friend of the bride(s) <-- :)
It's a private moment where you're emotional and making a lifelong commitment.
I wouldn't want anyone watching.

Then I'd have one dance, and elope.



cyberdad
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25 Feb 2022, 11:10 pm

I just had immediate family at my wedding but then my mother inexplicably invited my bother-in-laws Irish family to the wedding without consulting me which was weird because all they did the entire night was drink my alcohol and make comments about me and wife all night. My brother-in law's father came up later that night to my wife drunk and asked her is she sure she's not making a mistake. I laughed at the time but looking back it was a fcked up thing to say.



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25 Feb 2022, 11:20 pm

I had a small, sweet church wedding with my dad walking me down the aisle.
I had bridesmaids and a flower girl with freesia and lilacs.
The processional was Pachelbel. Also Bach and Beethoven's Ode to Joy.
Readings from Browning, Shakespeare and Kahlil Gibran.
My SIL sang Händel.
It was sweet and simple, and quite lovely really.
There was a thunderstorm during photos - exactly my dream come true.

I'm glad to have the memories of my dad and my grandmother being there.

We're long-since divorced, unfortunately.
I don't talk to any of the bridesmaids or wedding party any more so that part was unnecessary.

I'd do it all much differently now.



nick007
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27 Feb 2022, 10:42 pm

cyberdad wrote:
I just had immediate family at my wedding but then my mother inexplicably invited my bother-in-laws Irish family to the wedding without consulting me which was weird because all they did the entire night was drink my alcohol and make comments about me and wife all night. My brother-in law's father came up later that night to my wife drunk and asked her is she sure she's not making a mistake. I laughed at the time but looking back it was a fcked up thing to say.
I think the Irish can have a lot of fun at celebrations because they are drunk. It can majorly s#ck to be the 1s not drunk when your with others who are.


Brainiac42 wrote:
I am also worried about that. We are having a small wedding with only close family/friends, so that’s okay. But I am very nervous about all eyes being on me; and it being my day..
That's good it's gonna be small. You could try ways to reduce your anxiety that day like drinking a little(getting a slight buzz, not drunk) or taking a benzodiazepine like Xanax but that would be something to discuss with your doc/psych if you have one. If you have a somewhat supportive understanding partner, it may help to talk to her about your concerns assuming you haven't already that is. Sometimes grooms just go along with whatever their bride wants because they have the expectation that it will be her day & she will be obsessive, demanding, & controlling with how she wants things due to her being the bride. It might go better for some of the grooms if they'd express what they want & what they are worried about. NOT all women are going to become bridezillas when they're getting marred as you well know cuz your defiantly not one. I've been seeing commercials for some show called something like Celebrity Dream Wedding where couples try to have a celeb style wedding on a budget & I'm certain that whatever their budget is, it will still seem super rich for most of us here. I'm thinking it's just another reason why the divorce rate is so high these days.

My girlfriend would mostly just want her immediate family at our wedding & that's a major reason why she wants us to be married instead of just living together like we've been for the last 9 years. She's very introverted like I am but she's very close to her immediate family unlike me. The only reason I'm against us getting married rite now is cuz we're both disabled & it would screw up our benefits. I tend to be the more practical & level-headed one when it comes to making decisions & I hate disappointing her but she does understand my reasoning & kinda agrees even thou she doesn't like it.

BTW Congratulations Brainiac. I hope your wedding day is nice as it can be for the both of you & you both have many happy years together. There isn't enough good news on this forum, especially these days & lots of the posts in the L&D section are understandably kinda frustrated. I wish we saw more positive posts about relationships on this forum.


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Brainiac42
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27 Feb 2022, 11:26 pm

nick007 wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I just had immediate family at my wedding but then my mother inexplicably invited my bother-in-laws Irish family to the wedding without consulting me which was weird because all they did the entire night was drink my alcohol and make comments about me and wife all night. My brother-in law's father came up later that night to my wife drunk and asked her is she sure she's not making a mistake. I laughed at the time but looking back it was a fcked up thing to say.
I think the Irish can have a lot of fun at celebrations because they are drunk. It can majorly s#ck to be the 1s not drunk when your with others who are.


Brainiac42 wrote:
I am also worried about that. We are having a small wedding with only close family/friends, so that’s okay. But I am very nervous about all eyes being on me; and it being my day..
That's good it's gonna be small. You could try ways to reduce your anxiety that day like drinking a little(getting a slight buzz, not drunk) or taking a benzodiazepine like Xanax but that would be something to discuss with your doc/psych if you have one. If you have a somewhat supportive understanding partner, it may help to talk to her about your concerns assuming you haven't already that is. Sometimes grooms just go along with whatever their bride wants because they have the expectation that it will be her day & she will be obsessive, demanding, & controlling with how she wants things due to her being the bride. It might go better for some of the grooms if they'd express what they want & what they are worried about. NOT all women are going to become bridezillas when they're getting marred as you well know cuz your defiantly not one. I've been seeing commercials for some show called something like Celebrity Dream Wedding where couples try to have a celeb style wedding on a budget & I'm certain that whatever their budget is, it will still seem super rich for most of us here. I'm thinking it's just another reason why the divorce rate is so high these days.

My girlfriend would mostly just want her immediate family at our wedding & that's a major reason why she wants us to be married instead of just living together like we've been for the last 9 years. She's very introverted like I am but she's very close to her immediate family unlike me. The only reason I'm against us getting married rite now is cuz we're both disabled & it would screw up our benefits. I tend to be the more practical & level-headed one when it comes to making decisions & I hate disappointing her but she does understand my reasoning & kinda agrees even thou she doesn't like it.

BTW Congratulations Brainiac. I hope your wedding day is nice as it can be for the both of you & you both have many happy years together. There isn't enough good news on this forum, especially these days & lots of the posts in the L&D section are understandably kinda frustrated. I wish we saw more positive posts about relationships on this forum.


Thank you very much Nick :)