Would you rather be right or keep a friend ?

Page 5 of 5 [ 71 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5

naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,118
Location: temperate zone

17 Apr 2022, 7:16 pm

There is a specific situation in my life that in which the question is relevent.

Usually I try to be tolerent, and try not to be arrogant.

But on one particular issue with one person at work...I just couldnt give an inch, and neither could she, until finnally she ...broke down into tears about it.

That wasnt the reaction I was going for. What I was going for was for her to say "Youre right. I had a temporary brain fart. And now that you point it out to me what I keep saying doesnt make sense. And is not a productive way to look at it, nor is it a productive way of thinking to model to my subordinates."



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 110,055
Location: the island of defective toy santas

17 Apr 2022, 7:22 pm

some folks can't do that.



naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,118
Location: temperate zone

18 Apr 2022, 2:07 pm

auntblabby wrote:
some folks can't do that.


She was actually a type who was capable of admitting fault. But on this particular issue she was invested in believing some mundane notion (as if it were a religious belief), probably because it made her popular with dumb new employees. Trouble is that it backfired and was offensively stupid to old timer employees like me (an I would think, like herself since she was one of the few folks with as much seniority in the company as me).



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,962
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

19 Apr 2022, 12:21 pm

Be right or keep a friend? Hmmm...

Why not both? I have a difficult time condescending to another person when I KNOW I’m right about something. It's like I’m expected to play fair when the other person won't. I have a big problem with stepping aside for someone who wouldn't dream of doing the same.

So when it comes down to it, I don't consider someone a friend who would make friendship conditional on silly things. I’m going through some stuff at work right now. The short version is parents think they're better at running an entire arts program than I am. They are neither qualified nor knowledgeable to do what I do, and they don't want to understand that I’m the teacher in the room and responsible for scheduling, music selection, recruitment, and so on. Unfortunately for them, and maybe for me as well, part of my job requires that I be decisive and stick to a plan, any plan, that gets results. The only wrong decision is not making one. But then they will come out of the woodwork to show how every decision is stupid and ineffective or that they aren't going to abide by what I decide. They fight me on things.

Of course, I get frustrated. Who wouldn't? But to appease and beg for approval won't get better results, either.

I live for those moments when more of us share a vision and understand we can't all win all the time. Inaction is worse than a wrong decision. So when it comes to who is ultimately right and whether we can stay friends, I don't want to be friends with someone who isn't going to take my side whether I’m right or not. I’d still respect my friend if he made a bad decision. I'd support him regardless. If you're extorting money I’m not going to help you cover it up. But I’m not going to cut you completely out of my life, either. I won't hate you for mistreating me. But I’m not going to chase you down for an apology, either. It shouldn't come down to losing a friendship over being right.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 110,055
Location: the island of defective toy santas

19 Apr 2022, 6:13 pm

technically, Yahweh is the only "right" one, the rest of us are making mud pies and calling our own the definitive truth while dismissing the rest as crap.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,967

19 Apr 2022, 8:39 pm

I suspect the OP meant vocally supporting an opinion that a friend strongly disapproved of, rather than simply being "right." I think it can be a tough decision if you also strongly disapprove of their opinion. It's a dilemma I've had to face sometimes. I always feel that it's probably not a very strong friendship if it can't stand the truth. But on the other hand, there's not a lot of sense in rubbing an opinion in, if the friend's mind is closed on the issue. It's usually ethical issues that cause the most acrimony.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 55,677
Location: Stendec

20 Apr 2022, 3:57 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
. . . I always feel that it's probably not a very strong friendship if it can't stand the truth. . .
This ↑.

I have lost a few peripheral "friends" because I was right about Trump and his false claims of a stolen election.

Not significant losses, mind you.