About lack of social skills and social-emotional reciprocity

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FranzOren
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03 Mar 2022, 9:32 pm

What is the difference between lack of social skills and social-emotional reciprocity? Is problems with social-emotional reciprocity also a form of lack of social skill?

I started to understand the context of non-verbal cues, and some things about relationships. I do have some problems with understanding to context of jokes, sarcasm, and idioms. But, the biggest problem I have with is social-emotional reciprocity, I can barely communicate besides using greet words.



autisticelders
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04 Mar 2022, 8:38 am

I am at a loss with this too, my neurology does not allow me to see the little signs that are social flags which others with typical neurological wiring pick up instinctively. I have sensory processing disorder with 25th percentile visual processing and 35th percentile audio processing.

That means I miss a lot in "every day real life" interactions, anything done in real time, face to face interactions always finds me lost. Everybody is moving on to new things while I am still trying to understand what happened 3 sentences ago and a load of body language minutes ago still has me baffled. I Simply will never have the "skills" to do real time interactions competently.

I did not understand that until my diagnosis and seeing my test results.

I can read about what is expected in such social situations( others can watch youtube or tiktok too) but I can not fix my neurology to allow me to process things more quickly no matter how many lessons or lectures, examples or scoldings and corrections I get from others.


Instead I choose to interact with others mostly online in groups like this where I can read and understand, ask questions for clarification, and where there is not the immediate pressure to perform and respond that is there in "real time" interactions.

I was shocked when I realized how truly impaired (yes, disabled!! !) I was because of sensory processing problems.
I have been struggling against my neurology all my life, but it was a huge relief to know it was not "all my fault" for the misunderstandings, the upsets, the really difficult parts of my life . Nobody knew. They all thought, as I learned to believe, that I could do better if I just tried harder. I was punished repeatedly for failing. Nobody knew.

Finally things are making sense, finally I can forgive others as well as myself for failed expectations, accusations, pain and blame. I have always been autistic, but Nobody knew!

We can not train our neurology to get better at many of the things society expects us to do. Sometimes we can learn tips and tricks, but what comes naturally to most individuals can be a huge struggle and completely emotionally and energy draining for many autistic folks. You are not alone.


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


FranzOren
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05 Mar 2022, 12:08 am

Thank you!