Why this « never give up » culture?

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15 is really too young to determine whether or not you'll struggle with dating in your twenties. For one thing, the majority of people are still virgins at 15 and a sizeable percentage have never been in a relationship before either. So its kind of expected that you don't have a lot of relationship experience at that age.

Secondly, most people at 15 haven't even fully developed physically yet. It's possible that you'll look much better at 21 when you're fully mature compared to when you were 15.

I thought you have a g/f now?

A lot of these mismatches are due to sheer luck. If you grow up with a community/school with girls who know you they might already be comfortable with dating you and even hooking up because they know you. That's just being born in the right place (like having the fortune to be born in a wealthy family).

My neighbor two houses away back in highschool was filthy rich and their son was an a-hole. But girls from other rich parents would come visit his house and he used to hang out with them. The girls knew he was an a-hole but as they say "better the devil you know".

I do, and I would give up after this one.

Still it is OK to give up at some point.

Lots of people on other forums I used started to tell me to give up after a while & some were very mean about it because they got tired of reading my MANY posts complaining about being single & lonely. I never forced them to read my posts, they could of just skimmed past instead of reading the whole thing & bothering to respond in a negative hateful way. I was dealing with a bad depression partly due to being an outcast & not having anyone I could really turn to for emotional support. I HATED the idea of giving up because I majorly wanted & needed one person in my life who would be there for me & have my back because I would be there for her & have her back. The idea of completely giving up seemed like a fate worse than death to me. I would of rathered die than spend the rest of my life alone.

I know LOTS thought I was a whiner because I kept complaining but I was NOT wanting others to pacify me & I also did NOT want others getting mad at me about it either. Both extremes just made things worse. When I'm upset I have a style of analyzing where I appear like I'm just complaining when in reality I'm trying to sort & figure things out. It helps to bounce ideas off of others & even if I appear like I'm rejecting all advice, I'm really trying to figure out how I can apply it & make it work for me. People getting upset with me made me feel rejected & people just giving me a figurative pat on the back & telling me to just keep trying or whatever made me feel very misunderstood & dismissed which of corse made me feel worse. I'm very unique compared to most people & sometimes outside the box ideas end up working out for me but common stereotypical advice won't. Sometimes I need help figuring out what might work for me.

I hate it as well as the obsession for romance.
Its like saying you have no worth if you are not in a romantic relationship. Its a unhealthy way of thinking.

Probably because someone from a different cultural background is less likely to notice or care about the subtle ways you are unable to fit in to your own cultural background.

This is also why, quite apart from dating, I think autistic people are best off living in highly multi-cultural neighborhoods, with immigrants from all over the world, and with no one dominant ethnic group.

For similar reasons, such a neighborhood is a good place to live if you have a speech impairment. My boyfriend has been hassled for "not speaking English" everywhere he has lived except here in NYC, where his speech impairment is seen as just another accent.

Sounds like you may be the best person here to advise and support other people here (especially men) in a similar situation.


It's great that you succeeded in finding a partner.

Hopefully you can help others here figure out what might work for them?

Yes, and hopefully you'll be more useful that some other Autism/Asperger's adult groups. I was briefly in one with a group that was based out of LA (the director reached out to me online). I ended up quitting after a few sessions, because I found it to be counterproductive. Sorry, but I'm not paying $75 for a biweekly session to hear platitudes, cliches, and bromides about dating. If I tried David DeAngelo (who is a fraud BTW) or Neil Strauss's "The Game" as tactics, I'd get thrown in jail. I can understand telling a 17 year old to "be patient" when it comes to dating, even a 27 year old, to an extent. A 37 year old though?

Telling someone obsessed with romantic failure "you're just not cut out for dating" really isn't as helpful as some people believe it to be. It just feeds into the Grand Narrative of Uniquely Hard-Done-By Misery, thereby fueling the obsession.

I've certainly never sat down and decided "I will be single evermore, alas!" But nor do I waste much time brooding about an area of life I'm bad at. There are other things to be getting on with, and other things to enjoy. There are worse things that could happen. I've never suceeded in putting that view across to anyone in misery mode, so I generally don't bother anymore.

I don't talk about my dating life so much anymore, because #1. it's upsetting and #2. it has in the past given people the (false) impression that it's literally ALL I care about. Times like this when I talk about this are the exception rather than the rule. In my 20s, I would be brooding about it on forums like this on a regular basis.

For me it was the looks, locals find me so below average while some other demographics find me handsome.

You may be rite about that but I also think that different cultures can have different things that are important to them. The women in other cultures might have different priorities & values when it comes to romantic relationships than the women in our own culture do. I also wonder how many of those relationships were mail-order bride type things like the women hated the country/area they're originally from & they saw marrying an autistic guy as their ticket out or a way to make sure they can stay in the country they've been staying. I certainly will NOT put down those relationships if that is the case. I woulda been very willing to go that route when I was single if I had the money & resources to assuming I woulda been struggling just as much to get a woman in the US to give me a chance. I've known disabled guys on other sites who've had good luck with that. I've also known nondisabled guys who did not fit in with the people in their own area & local women saw them as losers but women from certain countries/areas found those things attractive about them. Us Aspies are sometimes stereotyped to be nerds & geeks & nerd/geek culture is more popular in certain areas like Japan. It kinda makes sense that the Japanese women in the US would be more into nerdy geeky guys than the general population of US women.

Doesn't surprise me. Some guys find foreign women more physically attractive because they're exotic so perhaps it's something similar with those women. Do the women who find you more attractive tend to be from the same country or region

It seems to me like more than a few of the very vocal posters here who complain about being lonely, have very unrealistic standards for a partner. When suggested that their standards might be too high & too specific, they start ranting about how they did not chose to be born autistic & thus should NOT be expected to "settle". They see my girlfriend as me settling & consider it settling to be with any woman who does not fit all their criteria exactly for what they want & do not want in a partner. I can def understand & relate to what it's like to be lonely & excluded in the dating pool but those autistics really need to ask themselves why should any woman chose to give them a chance when those guys won't fit her criteria when those guys refuse to give any woman a chance who won't fit their criteria to a T. It's like if they were homeless on the street & had various job opportunities but turned them all down because they refuse to work any job that is not their one exact dream job which is next to impossible for anybody to get. NOT all frustrated & lonely single guys on this forum are like that but unfortunately there is a bit who are & I don't have a clue how I can help those guys. I'm trying to take my own advice & just avoid those posts instead of putting forth a lot of time & energy into replying. Sometimes it's best for me to walk away & drop the subject instead of both of us arguing till we're blue in the face.

I was told by my wife that I look a bit like Michael Bolton. I can tell you I never heard THAT one back in Europe.

Maybe the exotic element in an international relationship will never quite go away. But at the end of the day what makes a relationship last (and thrive) or not is personality and compatibility, IMO.

^ One needs to get their foot in the door; the looks do that.