How to explain poor couples if women only care for money.

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FleaOfTheChill
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17 Mar 2022, 10:47 am

Fnord wrote:
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
. . . I'm really just trying to work out how the two are related in your mind because they are so very different in my own mind . . . being low income and being homeless. . .
If a person is too poor to afford housing, and has no significant other to live with, then that person is usually homeless.  If money was not a significant factor in relationships, then there would likely be fewer homeless people.

Generally speaking, I know more couples where the husband works and the wife does not than couples where the wife works and the husband does not.


Gotcha. That makes sense to me. Thank you for the clarification.



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17 Mar 2022, 12:24 pm

Ettina wrote:
Nades wrote:
Regardless, man or woman, nobody wants an obese and financially dependant partner. It's the worst of both worlds.


I have encountered people who want exactly that in a partner, actually. A feeder fetishist dominant might find that kind of partner very appealing.

Which highlights my biggest problem with this whole sort of discussion. Any time you try to make general comments about what everyone wants in a partner, there's going to be exceptions. Name pretty much any kind of person, no matter how unappealing they seem to you, I can pretty much guarantee that someone finds that sort of person appealing.

After all, rule 34 is a thing. No matter what topic you can think of, someone out there has a fetish for it. And it goes beyond fetishes - a lot of people have unconventional non-sexual preferences, too. Eg, there's people who actively like the idea of living entirely off of things people throw away. I saw a documentary about them, which featured a romantic couple who were both into that lifestyle. I seriously doubt homelessness would be a turn-off for someone like that.

So no, it's never accurate to say "no one would want to date a person like this". The real question is, would you want to date the people who would want to date you? I mean, if you're obese and financially dependent, but absolutely hate the idea of being with someone who finds feeding someone to make them gain weight hot in a power-play sense, then the feeder fetishist Dom isn't going to be a compatible partner no matter how much they're interested in you.


I suppose it's a fetish in its own right but one which seems abusive. I always found the feeder fetish repulsive. Excluding a fetish like that, a overweight and unemployed partner is very low standards.



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17 Mar 2022, 2:29 pm

FleaOfTheChill wrote:
HighLlama wrote:

Obviously the guy is over 5'8" with a huge d***.

:P


Okay, first, that's funny.


As to the op, yeah, there are tons of women who don't care about how much money a man has. But I am inclined to agree with the socioeconomic talk. It can be hard to relate to people who have an extremely different lifestyle/background. It can also be hard to meet people who fall out of your particular demographic. Then what about shared interests? If you have money you're more likely to do things like travel, have expensive hobbies and toys, if you're poor, not so much.

Personally, I wouldn't date someone with money. I have no idea what to do with a person like that. I like differences in people I'm with, but some things I need in common... If I was with a rich person, I'd end up feeling like a mooch and that's not okay with me. I like to hold my own in relationships, pay my part and so on. I can't possibly do that with someone who makes so much more than me. :shrug:


That makes sense. Also since I only work part time I kind of make up for it by doing a lot of the chores around the house so my boyfriend doesn't have do it after his full shift, a rich person would probably just have hired help for that...so what would I even do with myself?


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17 Mar 2022, 2:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like some women worry, somewhat, about a man's "socioeconomic status," more than they worry about how much money a man makes, per se. They might like a man, say, who is able to respond to her intellect.

Many women don't, though. They just want to be treated decently, and not have to endure crap. They want to feel like a man respects her independence----and most don't want a man who depends upon them financially.


That is probably more realistic, perhaps just a lot of people online simplify that to 'women only care about money'. There are some women who are fixated on money, but I don't think it is the majority. I figure most women probably don't want to go too far outside their socioeconomic status...whether its higher or lower.


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17 Mar 2022, 5:55 pm

Fnord wrote:
Generally speaking, I know more couples where the husband works and the wife does not than couples where the wife works and the husband does not.[/color]



Same here.

And I see a lot of women not interested in advancing their careers than men who aren’t.

I had a QA software tester (more of a beta tester) in my team, who was engaged back then - now married, and as the team leader I once told her that if she wants to advance in the QA engineering career (she holds a software engineering degree) and to get the title “QA engineer” instead of a regular beta-tester then she should learn how to write scripts to automate some of the tests.

Me: “A friendly advice, you have a software engineer degree, don’t waste that, if you want to advance in your career, then you should know how to do some coding to automate some tests, you can’t do all testing manually forever,
and I am willing to guide you how to do some of these scripts”

Her response?
“Yes, but I am a girl, I may not have time to learn such things when married”. She said that literally.

Me: “….”

That settled it, really. Her potential stopped there forever.

And indeed, she didn’t self-taught anything new.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Mar 2022, 6:14 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like some women worry, somewhat, about a man's "socioeconomic status," more than they worry about how much money a man makes, per se. They might like a man, say, who is able to respond to her intellect.

Many women don't, though. They just want to be treated decently, and not have to endure crap. They want to feel like a man respects her independence----and most don't want a man who depends upon them financially.


That is probably more realistic, perhaps just a lot of people online simplify that to 'women only care about money'. There are some women who are fixated on money, but I don't think it is the majority. I figure most women probably don't want to go too far outside their socioeconomic status...whether its higher or lower.



I don’t ever recall someone here said that women only care for money or wanting only rich guys…


But it seems there’s a consensus among all men in this thread based on life experiences and observations: there are far more men willing to marry/date down financially (even willing with one not working) than the other way around.

And there’s a lot of aspie guys who are involuntary unemployed or have low paying jobs, that harms their chances apparently.


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17 Mar 2022, 7:10 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like some women worry, somewhat, about a man's "socioeconomic status," more than they worry about how much money a man makes, per se. They might like a man, say, who is able to respond to her intellect.

Many women don't, though. They just want to be treated decently, and not have to endure crap. They want to feel like a man respects her independence----and most don't want a man who depends upon them financially.


That is probably more realistic, perhaps just a lot of people online simplify that to 'women only care about money'. There are some women who are fixated on money, but I don't think it is the majority. I figure most women probably don't want to go too far outside their socioeconomic status...whether its higher or lower.




I don’t ever recall someone here said that women only care for money or wanting only rich guys…


But it seems there’s a consensus among all men in this thread based on life experiences and observations: there are far more men willing to marry/date down financially (even willing with one not working) than the other way around.

And there’s a lot of aspie guys who are involuntary unemployed or have low paying jobs, that harms their chances apparently.


I am not talking about here, more the wider internet in general like reddit, youtube ect. I can't disagree that more men are willing to marry/date down, that does seem more common than the other way around.


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18 Mar 2022, 6:12 pm

Fnord wrote:
[opinion=mine]

In general, it seems that women are not so much interested in "marrying for money" as they are in not "marrying down" financially.  Men, on the other hand, seem more interested in a woman's appearance than in how much money she has.

In other words, women seem to not want a financially-dependent partner, while men do not seem to mind it at all.  Maybe there is a power dynamic at work?


[/opinion]
I think the different gender roles & gender inequality along with a very unfair economy come in to play here as well. Here in the US working men generally earn more than working women even if they work the same number of hours. One factor is because men & women tend to have different types of jobs & the other is that women tend to earn less than men for working the same job due to the women being a minority & employers cheat them financially because it saves them money & they can get away with it. The US does NOT have a national paid family & medical leave policy & lots of employers do not provide paid family & medical leave for things like pregnancy or they only pay for a couple weeks. Lots of employees(men as well as women) risk losing their jobs if they miss more than a couple weeks at a time. Lots of workers here have their health insurance through their employer & the workers risk losing their health insurance if they get fired & some employers require employees to work a certain number of hours in order to keep their health insurance. It would majorly s#ck for a woman to lose her job & health insurance because she had to miss some work due to getting pregnant if she was the top or equal financial provider out of her & her husband/boyfriend. Plus lots of men & even more than a bit of women, believe that a woman's primary job is to be a homemaker. She can have a job where she goes to work & earns money but taking care of the domestic responsibilities & her man must come 1st.

That said there are LOTS of exceptions to all that stuff & some areas in the US tend to be a lot worse than others. I lived in one of the bad areas till I was 30 & I believe that majorly hindered me with getting a relationship.


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18 Mar 2022, 6:57 pm

Nades wrote:
For me it depends on looks as much as finances. If a woman looked good and was slim then I can show a fair amount of leeway but I noticed good looking women often take care of their careers as much as their looks. Obese women who are completely unemployed? Plenty of those around.

Regardless, man or woman, nobody wants an obese and financially dependant partner. It's the worst of both worlds.

And as was mentioned earlier, socioeconomic differences seem to come into play. A grossly disproportionate gap between finances is hard on a couple but being from relatively similar economic backgrounds makes it easier. This could be rich or poor.
I don't really care about weight when it comes to romantic partners. I'm kinda demisexual & care about personality instead of weight nor looks & having sex is not that important to me either. I also would not mind my partner being financially dependent on me if I was able to afford it. However I have various physical & mental disabilities & struggled MAJORLY to find employment & was [email protected] lucky I got hired for the 3 federal minimum-wage jobs I had. My family is lower middle class but my parents were very poor when they 1st got married & they worked very hard to achieve a comfortable lifestyle with a lot of money saved up for retirement & emergencies & such. My parents can NOT relate to being disabled & having no clue how to become independent. I felt my mom majorly resented me my whole life till I moved out at 30. Mom criticized me a lot for being unemployed & not paying my fair share of the household expenses when I was working, a lot of my money went towards my medical expenses. If I woulda came into some money when I was single like finding a winning lottery ticket, winning a lawsuit, or getting a job where I made a decent income; I still woulda sought out women who were poor & going through a very hard time in life. They are more relatable to me & I like being able to help my partner however I can. A dependent partner financially or otherwise is much more likely to respect & appreciate me for trying my best to help than someone who has no need for me.


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19 Mar 2022, 12:22 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Generally speaking, I know more couples where the husband works and the wife does not than couples where the wife works and the husband does not.[/color]



Same here.

And I see a lot of women not interested in advancing their careers than men who aren’t.

I had a QA software tester (more of a beta tester) in my team, who was engaged back then - now married, and as the team leader I once told her that if she wants to advance in the QA engineering career (she holds a software engineering degree) and to get the title “QA engineer” instead of a regular beta-tester then she should learn how to write scripts to automate some of the tests.

Me: “A friendly advice, you have a software engineer degree, don’t waste that, if you want to advance in your career, then you should know how to do some coding to automate some tests, you can’t do all testing manually forever,
and I am willing to guide you how to do some of these scripts”

Her response?
“Yes, but I am a girl, I may not have time to learn such things when married”. She said that literally.

Me: “….”

That settled it, really. Her potential stopped there forever.

And indeed, she didn’t self-taught anything new.


And there you have it, lack of initiative to use the skills she learned in 3 or 4 years at Uni.
She shot herself and her career in the foot, she might have a degree but she doesn't have an ounce of common sense or desire to be valuable to her employer.
People like this tend to be liabilities not assets.



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19 Mar 2022, 1:24 pm

nick007 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
[opinion=mine]

In general, it seems that women are not so much interested in "marrying for money" as they are in not "marrying down" financially.  Men, on the other hand, seem more interested in a woman's appearance than in how much money she has.

In other words, women seem to not want a financially-dependent partner, while men do not seem to mind it at all.  Maybe there is a power dynamic at work?


[/opinion]
I think the different gender roles & gender inequality along with a very unfair economy come in to play here as well. Here in the US working men generally earn more than working women even if they work the same number of hours. One factor is because men & women tend to have different types of jobs & the other is that women tend to earn less than men for working the same job due to the women being a minority & employers cheat them financially because it saves them money & they can get away with it. The US does NOT have a national paid family & medical leave policy & lots of employers do not provide paid family & medical leave for things like pregnancy or they only pay for a couple weeks. Lots of employees(men as well as women) risk losing their jobs if they miss more than a couple weeks at a time. Lots of workers here have their health insurance through their employer & the workers risk losing their health insurance if they get fired & some employers require employees to work a certain number of hours in order to keep their health insurance. It would majorly s#ck for a woman to lose her job & health insurance because she had to miss some work due to getting pregnant if she was the top or equal financial provider out of her & her husband/boyfriend. Plus lots of men & even more than a bit of women, believe that a woman's primary job is to be a homemaker. She can have a job where she goes to work & earns money but taking care of the domestic responsibilities & her man must come 1st.

That said there are LOTS of exceptions to all that stuff & some areas in the US tend to be a lot worse than others. I lived in one of the bad areas till I was 30 & I believe that majorly hindered me with getting a relationship.


I agree with that, so some women even if maybe they don't say it outright may not feel they have the option to date down, whereas without some of those factors at play they might be more open to it.


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19 Mar 2022, 1:44 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
I tried to post if women only care about money how do you explain all the poor couples, but wouldn't fit in the title section, that is the only way it would fit.

Anyways though if women only care for money how do you explain all the poor couples? Me and my boyfriend are close to poverty and he works full time, I get disability and work part time. We both know our money situation sucks but all we can really do is try and budget the money we get the best ways we can. I mean in reality we both want more money but we're together so we would want it for both of us.

IDK maybe some immature 20 year old hotties have expectations of getting a hot rich guy, but blech I would not trade in my boyfriend for one of those boring chads, no way...I like my beardy nerd guy more than those, what can I say.


@Sweetleaf

Everything is relative, money is like the weather!
Also don't get confused between a gold digger and someone who is just entitled.



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19 Mar 2022, 3:21 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
I agree with that, so some women even if maybe they don't say it outright may not feel they have the option to date down, whereas without some of those factors at play they might be more open to it.
Exactly. Also partly because of those factors there can be lots of negative stigma about a guy not earning much money or a guy making less than his girlfriend/wife. Some women may make decent money where she could afford a comfortable lifestyle & she may not personally mind being the main financial provider but her family, friends, work colleges, church group, &/or woman's group might judge the guy as being a deadbeat loser or lazy mooch. She may also be worried about needing to work two jobs, going to work & earning a paycheck & then having to take care of her family & household when she gets home. Some women do not believe that a guy is willing to do housework nor that a guy will do it the right way due to him being a man. I'd imagine that having to go to work all day & then come home & do more work while your partner doesn't do anything productive all day could build major resentment very fast. A guy can explain a woman not working or not earning much as "she's a great cook, a very loving mom to our kids, & she's attractive & good in bed" without a lot of negative judgement but it may be a lot harder for a woman to explain a guy not working or not earning much without others thinking she's being taken advantage of.


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20 Mar 2022, 11:30 am

Fnord wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I tried to post if women only care about money how do you explain all the poor couples, but wouldn't fit in the title section, that is the only way it would fit. . .
[opinion=mine]

In general, it seems that women are not so much interested in "marrying for money" as they are in not "marrying down" financially.  Men, on the other hand, seem more interested in a woman's appearance than in how much money she has.

In other words, women seem to not want a financially-dependent partner, while men do not seem to mind it at all.  Maybe there is a power dynamic at work?


[/opinion]


Maybe power dynamic, but maybe just biological/psychological evolution in action. Women want a provider, men want the status of being a successful provider. Women want to make sure their partner can protect them, provide shelter, food for them and their children. Men want to attract the good looking woman, protect her, provide for her and their children. It used to come in the form of brawn and hunting capabilities, and now economies have evolved so it those things have been replaced with currency used for transactions, which can be obtained by brawn, skills, brains or some combination. It's also all not as relevant since most women are also in the paid work force.. but that's a very recent addition to the economy vs. thousands/millions of years of biological/psychological evolution.


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20 Mar 2022, 8:22 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Maybe power dynamic, but maybe just biological/psychological evolution in action. Women want a provider, men want the status of being a successful provider. Women want to make sure their partner can protect them, provide shelter, food for them and their children. Men want to attract the good looking woman, protect her, provide for her and their children. It used to come in the form of brawn and hunting capabilities, and now economies have evolved so it those things have been replaced with currency used for transactions, which can be obtained by brawn, skills, brains or some combination. It's also all not as relevant since most women are also in the paid work force.. but that's a very recent addition to the economy vs. thousands/millions of years of biological/psychological evolution.
You could be quite right about this. It would also explain why women are more likely to prefer older guys & why guys are more likely to prefer younger woman than the other way around.


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21 Mar 2022, 12:55 am

nick007 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Maybe power dynamic, but maybe just biological/psychological evolution in action. Women want a provider, men want the status of being a successful provider. Women want to make sure their partner can protect them, provide shelter, food for them and their children. Men want to attract the good looking woman, protect her, provide for her and their children. It used to come in the form of brawn and hunting capabilities, and now economies have evolved so it those things have been replaced with currency used for transactions, which can be obtained by brawn, skills, brains or some combination. It's also all not as relevant since most women are also in the paid work force.. but that's a very recent addition to the economy vs. thousands/millions of years of biological/psychological evolution.
You could be quite right about this. It would also explain why women are more likely to prefer older guys & why guys are more likely to prefer younger woman than the other way around.


Same holds true in the gay community. It’s much more common for there to be wide age gaps between gay couples than heterosexual couples. A part of it is the older guy offers stability, money, has is life together. And the younger youthful energy, body/appearance etc more so than an established career & financial contribution to the relationship.


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