Why SHOULD you have a child sooner rather than later ?

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my guess is that a lot of guys want to settle down late after sowing their wild oats as long as they are virile.

I think there are more reasons than that.

Career goals plays an important part for both men and women. No longer is it the case that the man continues to work, the woman becomes a full-time housewife. Amongst my peer group it is 50-50 in home life contributions, and that is the expectation formed in young people's heads now. So they want to focus on their career to achieve something before they start a family, because after that it is harder and your life goals can change.

It seems as though it is becoming harder to find a life partner, due to the curse of app-based dating. The illusion of choice is what I call it. So if it's harder then it will take longer to find that life partner.

There is also greater life choice nowadays, it is more socially acceptable to choose to be single or to choose to not have kids. Many people do want to be single and do not want to have kids. So those people are now more likely to exercise that choice, when in the past they may have conformed. That's a good thing.

That's a good thing that most people want to be single and not have kids or concentrate on careers. It's just that I know women in my social circle, who all of a sudden change their minds on what they were doing by the time they are 35 or later, and all of a sudden want a husband and kids. So I wonder if a lot of women are go through a midlife crisis and change their minds all of a sudden, is this career and wanting to be single and oat sowing a good thing, if it's just going to likely lead to regret later?

there are many sadder but belatedly wiser middle-aged women.

^^ I think it's a combination of:

(1) hormones kick in around early-mid 30s for women and they can suddenly desire kids, and they then also discover that it is harder to get a mate because of the societal aspect that women are a highly depreciating 'asset' due to the focus on their looks, which rapidly decline once in 30s. Therefore, it can then take a long time to find a partner to have a child, and so it is later when they end up having their first child.

(2) people can get a lot out of their jobs in their 20s and 30s when everything is new, they are learning a lot, getting promoted, and then that interest wanes a bit and they value higher other things, such as getting a work-life balance. That then opens up the door to family life.

Oh okay I see. Is it really that hard for a lot of women to find an acceptable man though? Women get so much attention, especially in their 20s or early 30s, so I wonder how hard can it be, especially since there are a lot of single lonely guys out there?

to the point where in higher social circles, man-sharing [alphas only need apply] is a thing.

I suspect it is the combination of effects that really matters, but I think that the complication around the first one is as follows:

- women that are not unattractive in their 20s get a lot of attention all of the time. while most of this is surely unwanted or unreciprocated, it must have an effect on their ego in terms of their own sense of attractiveness and hence what they are 'owed' in terms of a future partner. looks depreciate rapidly in women once they hit 30, so they are perceived as less valuable by others in that sense, but the problem is there is considerable inertia in the sense of self of the female due to at least a decade's worth of being constantly hit upon and desired by males. this inertia vs depreciation effect leads to an imbalance wherein the female's own value of themselves exceeds the average valuation by others. this discrepancy may self-correct over time as the female re-evaluates their own appeal, perhaps by late 30s i.e. they are more likely to find a match.

- in terms of an acceptable man, well in part see above. the bargaining power of the 30 something female is likely to be far lower than the bargaining power of a female that is younger.

- note also the asymmetry in societal attractiveness of males vs females, for a not unattractive and in-shape specimen of each gender:
> female: very highly desirable 18-29. high depreciation afterwards. so men face intense competition in dating a female in that age range.
> male: quite desirable 25-40. so females face competition for men in that age range. given the sub-bullet above, this means that a female in say mid-30s faces an uphill challenge in getting a high quality mate because that male is also desired by younger females that are from society's perspective more attractive.

so this imbalance has some quite complicated and interesting consequences. i think of more people understood this - or more likely were willing to accept it - then the dating etc game would be easier for everyone. i have no studies or academic references to mention, this is my own study of society but it consistently explains outcomes in my experience.

Because money! Before kids you've got to have

Oh okay. But if money is the issue as to why women wait till they are old to have kids, and thus may have complications, why don't women just go for older guys who have money more often, and why don't older guys with money, just go for younger women who can reproduce easier more often?

Some women want to be dual-income. That means that they want both themselves and their partner to be in a well payed job before they raise a family.

Also some couples meet in college. If you meet your partner in college they have the potential to become a high earner because they're already in higher education. The potential is there but you have to wait years for that potential to be realised.

At least 20% of births are accidental, often simply due to laziness.
Having a child to save a broken marriage, bowing to social expectations, or creating a life so someone can look after you in old age is just a dumb, selfish idea.

I suggest people keep in their pants.

i suggest better birth control.

But if having kids at a later age can lead to things like down syndrome or other complications, why would people rather deal with those complications, compared to not being dual income?

This is very true.

First of all, there are a lot of reasons women wait to have children. A big one is that being an efficient baby-making machine is not the be-all and end-all that some people think it is or should be. Even when someone really does want to, getting a family going isn’t like putting together a piece of furniture or shopping for a car; people are living multi-dimensional lives among other multi-dimensional people. You can date scores of people of a given age and sex, and not find anyone you want to have kids with—much less a life-long relationship with--ever, or you can find someone you consider your soulmate a few months after you swear off dating entirely.