Severely autistic son doesn't want family visiting

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That's a very good point. Sadly visiting him in a neutral place is impossible for us - the home doesn't have the staff, and I have severe chronic health issues and can't walk far or manage him properly. It needs to be at the home, however short a time.

If you lived with him he would not want you to leave because he could live his life, pursue his interests, and you would not be needing anything from him on the spot.

When you visit him you're kind of putting him on the spot, you're possibly looking for emotional connection or a meaningful shared experience. So you expect him to focus on you, he picks up on that and probably doesnt know what to do and gets very uncomfortable.

The thing is, me visiting him is not a new situation. What has changed is where. For a few years I visited him regularly at his paternal grandmother's home. That generally went without problems. For a year he came to me but that soon become untenable. The activities are always the same - he uses his tablet which I bring, he has some sweets etc. The difficulty here is that he's now away from all family and doesn't want any of us to visit.

It's a developmental stage for all children, at least in Western culture. Children need to separate from their parents in order to become their own person, achieve what independence they are capable of. It sounds like this is the first time he has been in a place of his own, not living with relatives. I could see that as definitely being a good growth opportunity for him.

OK sorry I misunderstood,

I agree it is very positive for him. I just wasn't equating his independence with never seeing him again....

No problem at all, I appreciate you trying to help.