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dark.angel.05476
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29 Mar 2022, 9:55 am

Hello,

I'm new to this group and I really need to say that I am so tired and defeated in the neurotypical world. I am a 37 year old woman, Asperger's and I struggling with socializing. I've been told I am a distressing human being. I have a 128 IQ which is something I am proud of, but as I am not Mensa level I am not surrounded by highly intelligent people. I have little to nothing in common with any of my NT family. I am married to a woman with ADHD and narcissism. That's a whole nothing topic. I am constantly at odds with everyone. They really hurt me when I'm just me. This mask I have to wear is BS. It's super hard to keep it on, especially when I must keep it on inside my own home. Only on the internet in privacy can I be myself. Everything I say is so unrelatable to my current peers that they just don't listen to me. It's a bit better in text because my big feelings are absent from the communication but it person conversations I don't have an emotional filter so frustration makes my voice sound frantic. I don't have a lot of control over my speech. I have learned to slow down, over pronunciation words, make eye contact and speak about observable things in the physical space around me and my peers but all the superficial small talk has beaten me down. The best part of myself, my intelligence and analytical thinking, it's ignored. On top of it all, I was bullied severely in school to the point where I ___________. Fill in the blanks as it's a trigger. I am so tired of not fitting in. It's been my whole life. I don't even know someone else in real life with autism. I have PTSD and major depression and it's all I talk about it in my peers..... again, they dislike me for it too. I feel like I'm just a burdened, and yet, my peers make me so very upset with this shallowness and yet seemingly happy persona. i am told we all must fake it to make it. That sounds like horse $h1T. What a way to destroy the soul.

Last night I watch the newest Simpson's episode. Lisa get's recruited into the smart kids hideout and they tell her that she needs to act stupid in order to get by.... oh and Brandine, who got herself smart, got thrown out by Cletus because of her being intelligent. She eventually choose to conceal her intelligence and picked up the fake hillbilly persona...... just to fit back it.... I laughed so hard at this whole episode, but then I cried myself to sleep. The world is so unfair... at least this episode poked fun at the reality of smart people. :oops: :? :(



Double Retired
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29 Mar 2022, 12:07 pm

Welcome to WP! I hope you find some pleasant diversions here.


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Mona Pereth
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29 Mar 2022, 12:27 pm

dark.angel.05476 wrote:
Hello,

I'm new to this group and I really need to say that I am so tired and defeated in the neurotypical world. I am a 37 year old woman, Asperger's and I struggling with socializing. I've been told I am a distressing human being. I have a 128 IQ which is something I am proud of, but as I am not Mensa level I am not surrounded by highly intelligent people. I have little to nothing in common with any of my NT family. I am married to a woman with ADHD and narcissism. That's a whole nothing topic. I am constantly at odds with everyone. They really hurt me when I'm just me. This mask I have to wear is BS. It's super hard to keep it on, especially when I must keep it on inside my own home. Only on the internet in privacy can I be myself. Everything I say is so unrelatable to my current peers that they just don't listen to me. It's a bit better in text because my big feelings are absent from the communication but it person conversations I don't have an emotional filter so frustration makes my voice sound frantic. I don't have a lot of control over my speech. I have learned to slow down, over pronunciation words, make eye contact and speak about observable things in the physical space around me and my peers but all the superficial small talk has beaten me down. The best part of myself, my intelligence and analytical thinking, it's ignored.

You need to find people who will appreciate your intelligence and analytical thinking. Even if you're not Mensa-level, do you have any specific hobbies or interests that involve analytical thinking? If so, have you tried to seek out people and groups who share your hobbies, e.g. via Meetup.com?

dark.angel.05476 wrote:
On top of it all, I was bullied severely in school to the point where I ___________. Fill in the blanks as it's a trigger.

This has happened to a lot of us. In my personal case it wasn't "severe" in the sense that it never got physical, but I certainly felt like an outcast, especially during what are now called "middle school" years.

dark.angel.05476 wrote:
I am so tired of not fitting in. It's been my whole life. I don't even know someone else in real life with autism.

Have you looked for local autistic adult support groups, e.g. via Meetup.com? Some New England based support groups are listed here, on the website of AANE. The AANE groups currently meet via Zoom.

If you would prefer a text-based chat support group over a Zoom group, you are welcome to participate in the NYC-based peer-led (not professional-led) Groups led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group (APLeG). (I'm the founder of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.)

dark.angel.05476 wrote:
I have PTSD and major depression and it's all I talk about it in my peers..... again, they dislike me for it too.

Are there any support groups in your area for people with PTSD and major depression?


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autisticelders
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30 Mar 2022, 5:09 am

welcome! perhaps you will find some good mental stimulation here, lots of thoughtful and insightful posts in many sections of the forum. One of the best things about my diagnosis ( very very late adulthood) was finding out I was not alone and that there are others who actually understand. Glad you are with us.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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31 Mar 2022, 1:29 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :D


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jimmy m
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03 Apr 2022, 12:50 pm

Hi dark.angel.05476
I began reading your letter and something lit off a red light. You wrote

I am a 37 year old woman, Asperger's
I am married to a woman with ADHD and narcissism.


These two traits are very different for each other. They are almost opposites. Some individuals with narcissism may claim to be us, but they are more likely false claims. Here is a link.

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/narcissi ... rgers-one/

While a great deal of overlap exists between these two conditions, there is an important difference. Narcissists don’t care if they hurt you or your feelings. People with Asperger’s do, they just don’t realize they are doing it.

Both narcissists and those with Asperger’s appear self-absorbed and neglectful of others, interested only in themselves and caring little about others but the reasons they act this way are much different.

Narcissists pay little attention to others because they think they are more important than anyone else. They have little interest in or regard for others. People with Asperger’s, on the other hand, may appear self-absorbed like narcissists but this is because they don’t realize they’re acting this way. They see things from their own point of view and can’t imagine someone else thinking and feeling differently.


---------------------------------

You wrote This mask I have to wear is BS. It's super hard to keep it on, especially when I must keep it on inside my own home. Only on the internet in privacy can I be myself. Everything I say is so unrelatable to my current peers that they just don't listen to me.

I do not know if I can give you good advice here but I will give it a go. I am male and I have lived my whole life as myself, the real me. I do not pretend to be anyone different that the person that I really am. I am 73 years old and I have had a good life.

But I have made one change to do that. And for males it is a simple change. I grew a mustache.

That may sound strange, but you see, inside me is a young child, a very very smart young child. The reason why this worked is very simple. When someone sees a man with a mustache, they automatically assume that I am an adult. It was an easy fix and IT REALLY WORKED.

I do not know if you have good eye to eye contact. I do not. Many male Aspies do not. We look slightly off to one side and not directly into a person's eyes. When an NT looks at me, they tend to automatically assume that I am not to be trusted. That I am false, unreliable, evil. They are way off. But there is a solution to this problem. There are a certain type of one-way sunglasses that you can wear. They allow you to see out but other people to not see in. The police use this type of glasses on purpose just to give themselves an advantage when dealing with people.

I began wearing this type of glasses whenever I went out. It was really interesting. I had total strangers come up to me and begin conversations. It was almost like I became an instant NT.


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longshot
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07 Apr 2022, 6:00 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet dark. angel.05476 coffee and donuts are served in the dining hall as, their absolutely free. I hope you will find your stay here to be most fulfilling and pleasant.


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Nic na Mara
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23 Apr 2022, 3:20 am

Hi dark.angel.05476!
Welcome to Wrong Planet!
I hope it's not too late, when I reply now. Your post is almost a month old.

But I read your post and I partly found myself in it.
I'm a female Aspie, with an IQ of 133 (but they made the test after school time), and unfortunately I had to spend my school time on the lowest level, because I was unhappy there and because of this I wrote just bad grades in school. I was just underwhelmed. You can imagine, how lonely I felt surrounded with kids who are really without interest of something to learn. I've been an outsider since kindergarten and never understood why. In my youth, I had a long period of depression and a lot of misdiagnosis and always they said, you have to change, if you want to be part of the community.

I also know, how difficult it is to "wear the mask". My drill sergeant (my mom :wink: ) taught me to conform to society and do what was expected of me, otherwise they will kick you out of the social group and you will not get love. (I only got unconditional love in my life from my two dogs.)
Acting all the time is quite unhealthy, because it takes too much strength to me. So now I'm teaching myself to be more myself.
And - of course - it's really unfair, when the people expect that only you have to change yourself for them and nothing comes back from there side. You're not wrong, when you just be yourself! Don't let destroy your soul!

P.S.: I love The Simpsons, too and Lisa has always been my favorite character.



elal
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24 Apr 2022, 11:30 am

Welcome!