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auntblabby
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16 May 2022, 11:56 pm

Rexi wrote:
The part where they act a certain way just to look cool.

that would be amuuuurica as well, at least parts of it.



auntblabby
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17 May 2022, 12:00 am

The Lone Ranger and Tonto turn in for the evening out on the plains. After a few hours, Tonto suddenly nudges the Lone Ranger until he awakens. Tonto says, with alarm in his voice "Look up! What do you see?"
The Lone Ranger looks up and says "I see the nighttime sky."
Tonto nods and says "So what does that tell you?"
The Lone Ranger thinks about it for a moment, then says "Well, astronomically, it tells me there are millions or even billions of stars and planetary systems in our galaxy. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is currently in Leo. Theologically, I feel the sky suggests that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Time-wise, from the position of the moon, I'd say it's about 11:45pm. And meteorologically, from the clarity of the sky, I'd say we're in for a great day of weather tomorrow. Why, Tonto? What does the nighttime sky tell you?"
Tonto replies "It tells me somebody stole our tent, you jackass!"



SkinnedWolf
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19 May 2022, 1:21 pm

My boyfriend usually drives rudely, but as long as I'm in his car, he's always careful.

I was very happy to say to him: I didn't expect you to care about me so much.

He said: I dare not drive too fast when you are in the car. Too much inertia makes it hard to brake.


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SkinnedWolf
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19 May 2022, 4:35 pm

The cannibal chief instructed his subordinates: "Go and catch some dignitaries for dinner."

The subordinate asked, "Can't civilians do?"

"It doesn't taste good," the cannibal chief shook his head, "civilians are too bitter."


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funeralxempire
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19 May 2022, 4:37 pm

The ultimate demonstration of trust: two cannibals in a 69.

One cannibal to another while eating a clown: Hey, does this taste funny to you?


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auntblabby
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20 May 2022, 12:43 am

The world's worst conductor was conducting a rehearsal. Halfway through he was directing with wild abandon when his baton flew out of his hand and embedded itself in the eye of a hapless flute player instantly killing her. The police arrived shortly after and ruled the death an accident. The following week, he lost control of his baton again; it skewered the principal oboist this time, immediately killing him. The police arrived and after consideration ruled the case an accident. The following week at rehearsal the conductor once again was lost in the music when surprise surprise out of his hand flew the baton this time hitting the third trumpet player, killing him stone dead. The police would not believe that the third death was an accident, and they arrested him. The conductor was tried and sentenced to death in the electric chair. After strapping him in the executioner threw the switch, but nothing happened. Again he threw the switch and nothing happened. The warden was frustrated by this time and demanded that the executioner explain what the problem was. To which the he shrugged and said... "Well, everyone knows he's a bad conductor."



naturalplastic
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22 May 2022, 12:27 am

Some cannibals started to eat Elon Musk. But he was too rich.



lostonearth35
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22 May 2022, 12:42 am

Three men were traveling through a desert, hot and dying of thirst. To their surprise they came upon a slide with a small swimming pool at the bottom. It wasn't a mirage, it was real. There was a sign that said that "This is a magical wishing slide for people traveling in the desert. If you are dying of thirst, just yell out the name of your favorite beverage as you slide down it and the pool will be filled with it instantly". So, the first man went down the slide, and as he did he yelled out "BEER!!" When he landed in the pool it was full of beer and he had a great time drinking and splashing around in it. Finally he got out and let the second man have a try. He yelled, "LEMONADE!!", and sure enough the pool was filled with cool, refreshing lemonade when he reached the bottom. After he had drank his fill and cooled off, he got out so the third man could use the slide. But as he slid down he found it so much fun and exciting that he yelled out "WHEEEEEE!!" :D



naturalplastic
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22 May 2022, 1:02 am

SkinnedWolf wrote:
The cannibal chief instructed his subordinates: "Go and catch some dignitaries for dinner."

The subordinate asked, "Can't civilians do?"

"It doesn't taste good," the cannibal chief shook his head, "civilians are too bitter."


I am sure its funny in China, but it doesnt translate to American English. :lol:

This gets me curious.

Part of the problem is your own translations are slightly off.

By "dignitaries" you probably mean "aristocrats", or "nobles". Folks born into a ruling class.
By "civilians" you probably mean "commoners".

Part of the problem is that metaphors are different in the two languages. "Bitter" is used to mean "resentful" in English. I am guessing that it might mean something else in Chinese. like "unrefined", "raw", "coarse", in China. Just a guess.

So... your cannibal chief tells them to catch and cook "members of the British Royal Family".

The tribesmen reply "wont commoners do?".

He says "commoners are too unrefined". :)

Something like that?



Matrix Glitch
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23 May 2022, 10:38 am

What do cannibals call people in wheelchairs?

Meals on wheels



Fnord
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23 May 2022, 10:53 am

What do cannibals call people with no brain activity?

Vegetables.



lostonearth35
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26 May 2022, 12:54 am

A cannibal chief returned home from a trip do discover that his tribe had just captured a member of British Royalty for their next meal. When he goes to see the man stuck in the pot, the chief asks the cannibal cook "Why does he have a citrus fruit stuffed into his mouth?"

"Because", the cook said proudly, "Tonight I'm serving Duke L'Orange!"



Matrix Glitch
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26 May 2022, 10:49 am



collectoritis
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26 May 2022, 4:27 pm

Norwegian cannibal joke : "Har du hørt om kannibalen som dreit noen ut ?

(to "drite noen ut" means to ridicule someone but it also means to take a crap - he crapped out someone hed eaten , double meaning joke) :lol:



auntblabby
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26 May 2022, 4:30 pm

collectoritis wrote:
Norwegian cannibal joke : "Har du hørt om kannibalen som dreit noen ut ?

(to "drite noen ut" means to ridicule someone but it also means to take a crap - he crapped out someone hed eaten , double meaning joke) :lol:

how does the rest of it go? :scratch:



naturalplastic
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27 May 2022, 3:34 am

auntblabby wrote:
collectoritis wrote:
Norwegian cannibal joke : "Har du hørt om kannibalen som dreit noen ut ?

(to "drite noen ut" means to ridicule someone but it also means to take a crap - he crapped out someone hed eaten , double meaning joke) :lol:

how does the rest of it go? :scratch:

"He crapped out the guy he ate".

Thats it.

A US equivalent might be "The cannibal boss chewed up the same guy that had chewed out." ("chew out" meaning to "reprimand")