Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

Elgee
Raven
Raven

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 121
Location: Med West

03 Apr 2022, 5:11 pm

Been SO busy and preoccupied I forgot to post it here. I am officially on the spectrum. As a result, I have questions I want to post here. Hoping I'll get some good, no-nonsense, non-joking, non-wise-cracking, serious feedback. A lot to process.



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,127
Location: U.S.A.

03 Apr 2022, 5:20 pm

Welcome to WP! I hope you find it to be somewhat useful.

There might be some attempts at humor, though, in addition to attempts to be useful.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 989
Location: Alpena MI

03 Apr 2022, 6:01 pm

Congratulations. Knowing about my autism changed my life for the better, helped heal past hurts, helped self forgiveness, there is no better place to ask questions about autism than a forum filled with those who have lifetimes of lived experience. No guarantees you won't get a few wisecracks, jokers are among us, but most members are happy to share info and insights. Take time to explore and don't forget the search feature here which will bring up previous discussions on almost any autism topic .

The 2 best things about diagnosis for me was
#1 the relief I felt when I realized every bad thing that happened in my past was not "all my fault", it was my hidden neurology at work and nobody knew.
Second best thing was finding out there were others like me, who actually understood and that I was not alone.
You are not alone either.


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,680
Location: Long Island, New York

03 Apr 2022, 7:36 pm

Feel free to ask as many questions as you like..


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Elgee
Raven
Raven

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 121
Location: Med West

03 Apr 2022, 7:38 pm

autisticelders wrote:
Congratulations. Knowing about my autism changed my life for the better, helped heal past hurts, helped self forgiveness, there is no better place to ask questions about autism than a forum filled with those who have lifetimes of lived experience. No guarantees you won't get a few wisecracks, jokers are among us, but most members are happy to share info and insights. Take time to explore and don't forget the search feature here which will bring up previous discussions on almost any autism topic .

The 2 best things about diagnosis for me was
#1 the relief I felt when I realized every bad thing that happened in my past was not "all my fault", it was my hidden neurology at work and nobody knew.
Second best thing was finding out there were others like me, who actually understood and that I was not alone.
You are not alone either.


Thank you; it IS cause for a congrats; hidden neurology at work. I feared I'd be denied the diagnosis once the evaluator saw my good eye contact which I never had to practice or learn.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 110,336
Location: the island of defective toy santas

04 Apr 2022, 1:04 am

Elgee wrote:
autisticelders wrote:
Congratulations. Knowing about my autism changed my life for the better, helped heal past hurts, helped self forgiveness, there is no better place to ask questions about autism than a forum filled with those who have lifetimes of lived experience. No guarantees you won't get a few wisecracks, jokers are among us, but most members are happy to share info and insights. Take time to explore and don't forget the search feature here which will bring up previous discussions on almost any autism topic .

The 2 best things about diagnosis for me was
#1 the relief I felt when I realized every bad thing that happened in my past was not "all my fault", it was my hidden neurology at work and nobody knew.
Second best thing was finding out there were others like me, who actually understood and that I was not alone.
You are not alone either.


Thank you; it IS cause for a congrats; hidden neurology at work. I feared I'd be denied the diagnosis once the evaluator saw my good eye contact which I never had to practice or learn.

that is a merciful sign, the good eye contact, which i didn't learn until much later.



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,127
Location: U.S.A.

04 Apr 2022, 4:07 pm

I don't do eye contact. I guess my parents noticed because when I was young they told me it was polite to look at people when I'm talking with them.

So I look at people...but my parents never said to look into their eyes so I don't. I was naturally social distancing long before the Pandemic so lack of eye contact hasn't, to my knowledge, been an issue except a very few times in my life.

Once was at my Autism assessment. Having researched Autism shortly before the assessment I was very self-conscious about eye contact...and still unable to do it. This might've been interesting for the assessor but I know it was entertaining for her.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


Elgee
Raven
Raven

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 121
Location: Med West

04 Apr 2022, 4:18 pm

Double Retired wrote:
I don't do eye contact. I guess my parents noticed because when I was young they told me it was polite to look at people when I'm talking with them.

So I look at people...but my parents never said to look into their eyes so I don't. I was naturally social distancing long before the Pandemic so lack of eye contact hasn't, to my knowledge, been an issue except a very few times in my life.

Once was at my Autism assessment. Having researched Autism shortly before the assessment I was very self-conscious about eye contact...and still unable to do it. This might've been interesting for the assessor but I know it was entertaining for her.


What would happen if you made/held eye contact? I'm trying to grasp this because I have no problem drilling my eyes into someone else's when I want to make a strong point or show "You don't mess with ME, Buddy." I can't imagine not being able to do this, as it's a tool to assert my authority and that I feel in control. Voice alone can't do this. Like if I want to tell a neighbor, "Hey, your dog barks all day long. Kindly do something about it, please." If I'm avoiding eye contact, that person won't be moved to mitigate the problem, as I'd come across as "weak" or insecure, not sure of myself. But the eye contact establishes that I MEAN BUSINESS. I don't require people to look into my eyes, not at all. But I require it to EMIT into THEIRS, to communicate. I'm kind of obsessed with this since I've begun my diagnosis journey!



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,127
Location: U.S.A.

04 Apr 2022, 4:33 pm

When I tried looking the Assessor in the eyes I could only do so very briefly. It felt too intimate...which perhaps aggravated my "problem" because she was a young (at least, relative to me) gal.

My thoughts were something along the lines of: I shouldn't be doing this! I'm a MARRIED man!


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,416
Location: New York City (Queens)

04 Apr 2022, 11:15 pm

I can do brief eye contact to get someone's attention. But it's hard for me do do eye contact during a conversation. My problem is that eye contact makes it hard for me to focus on the actual content of the conversation.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 110,336
Location: the island of defective toy santas

05 Apr 2022, 12:27 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
I can do brief eye contact to get someone's attention. But it's hard for me do do eye contact during a conversation. My problem is that eye contact makes it hard for me to focus on the actual content of the conversation.

how do you work around that?



mohsart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 721
Location: Southern Sweden

05 Apr 2022, 1:44 am

Elgee wrote:
I have no problem drilling my eyes into someone else's when I want to make a strong point or show "You don't mess with ME, Buddy."

Yup, that's me too.
Have you (as I have) been accused of staring, while not intending to stare at all?

/Mats


_________________
Interests: Comic books, Manga; most things to do with Handicraft, wood, textile, metal etc, modern materials; horror, true crime; languages, art, and history to an extent
Uninterests: All things about motors; celebrities; fashion; sports; career; stock market
Feel free to PM me!


Elgee
Raven
Raven

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 121
Location: Med West

05 Apr 2022, 9:35 am

mohsart wrote:
Elgee wrote:
I have no problem drilling my eyes into someone else's when I want to make a strong point or show "You don't mess with ME, Buddy."

Yup, that's me too.
Have you (as I have) been accused of staring, while not intending to stare at all?

/Mats


This is a fascinating phemonenon, because if a man (autistic) stares (and they may be aware of it but unable to "modulate" it), he's accused of being aggressive or wanting to start something. But when a WOMAN stares (my psych. said in the report my gaze was "intense at times"), this is passed off as either attentiveness or submission.

I've been told I can be intimidating, but the people who've told me that never said why, and I never asked. I've also been told at least once I have "the look," and possibly a few times in the distant past that my eyes are "intense." My eyes flare (eyelids, actually) when I want to assert authority or anger. I heavily rely on them to communicate these feelings or my position in the pack. This is a dog eat dog world, especially for women. I must be doing something right because I've made it to middle age without ever being harmed by a man. They see my eyes and they know, "Don't mess with THIS one.'

Women can get away with that unmodulated stare more than men can, and it's possible hundreds of people in my life have noticed it but didn't think much of it because I'm female. However, I wonder if it's why, when someone is explaining instructions to me or how something works (my eyes are locked on mostly their left eye), they suddenly pause and ask if I understand. This happens enough for me to have taken notice. I even nod throughout the instructions and STILL, they stop and ask if I understand, and give me this odd look. I wonder if it's because my "intense gaze" makes me look mentally lost.

My gaze isn't always intense; but with some people it just is, when I have to listen to them.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,680
Location: Long Island, New York

05 Apr 2022, 11:07 pm

Elgee wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
I don't do eye contact. I guess my parents noticed because when I was young they told me it was polite to look at people when I'm talking with them.

So I look at people...but my parents never said to look into their eyes so I don't. I was naturally social distancing long before the Pandemic so lack of eye contact hasn't, to my knowledge, been an issue except a very few times in my life.

Once was at my Autism assessment. Having researched Autism shortly before the assessment I was very self-conscious about eye contact...and still unable to do it. This might've been interesting for the assessor but I know it was entertaining for her.


What would happen if you made/held eye contact? I'm trying to grasp this because I have no problem drilling my eyes into someone else's when I want to make a strong point or show "You don't mess with ME, Buddy." I can't imagine not being able to do this, as it's a tool to assert my authority and that I feel in control. Voice alone can't do this. Like if I want to tell a neighbor, "Hey, your dog barks all day long. Kindly do something about it, please." If I'm avoiding eye contact, that person won't be moved to mitigate the problem, as I'd come across as "weak" or insecure, not sure of myself. But the eye contact establishes that I MEAN BUSINESS. I don't require people to look into my eyes, not at all. But I require it to EMIT into THEIRS, to communicate. I'm kind of obsessed with this since I've begun my diagnosis journey!

What if anything do you have a problem with eye contact?


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,127
Location: U.S.A.

06 Apr 2022, 10:22 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
What if anything do you have a problem with eye contact?
I am unclear whether you are asking Elgee, me, or everyone.

In case it is me or everyone my general discomfort with it is basically the same as the problem I had doing it with my Autism Assessor. Looking into other people's eyes feels unnatural to me and too intimate and familiar.

Note that in addition to being Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) I also have an MBTI very clear preference for Introversion.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.