Where do ASD people find love?

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Erjoy29
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09 Apr 2022, 11:19 pm

Dating in my teens and 20’s was somewhat easier. The older I get, the more I realize how much harder it is to date. Two reasons: people at my age are more likely to seek out those who are truly compatible with them as well as 30 year olds being even more mentally advanced than they are in their 20’s and younger. People were already more mentally advanced than me when I was young but the mental advancement is more and more apparent as time goes on. Im like, whoa, I’m still in the same place but you guys keep going more far and higher. I’m far more likely to be rejected these days than I was in the past. I know because I experienced it. I still feel like I have a kid’s brain for my age. I don’t know if I really want a relationship though because I go through a lot of sensory overload as it is and the thought of a relationship somewhat overwhelms me, but it does make me curious though…where do autistic people find love?



kraftiekortie
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10 Apr 2022, 6:10 am

Usually in the same way nonautistic people find love.

You had success when you were younger.

There are many pretty women who either are not “advanced mentally” themselves, or find innocent, naïve people charming.

The ones who care about superficial social crap are not worth the bother.



Muse933277
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10 Apr 2022, 4:33 pm

Dating usually gets harder for women in their 30s. Most women in their twenties who are decently attractive, have very little difficulty finding romantic and sex partners. And the reason for that is obviously, physical appearance. Of course, that comes with it's disadvantages, but dating as a young woman comes with a lot of romantic and sexual opportunities, simply because you're young and attractive.

But what happens? You reach your 30s, you start putting on weight, the skin starts developing wrinkles, you no longer have the ability to eat whatever you want and still look fit. Overall, your looks begin to decline, and they ESPECIALLY begin to decline if you abused drugs and alcohol for long periods of time, or you don't eat right and never exercise. As a result, you don't have the dating power like you used to in your twenties. Dating went from laughably easy as a young 21 year old woman, to actually kind of difficult when the mid thirties, and ESPECIALLY the forties start coming around. The men who gave you attention when you were young and hot, now won't give you much time of the day. The MGTOW's have a term for this phenomenon, it's called "The Wall".



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11 Apr 2022, 5:47 am

Follow your interests! join FB and other social media groups that others with the same interests join. joining an "in person" or online group means you will make connections with others who are similar and you have an instant conversation starter in discussing the interest.
Info sharing, meetups to do something interest related together, possible interaction in buy, sell, trade activities depending on the interest, etc.

There is an immediate connection to something you know you have in common. When you share your interests and enthusiasms, you are more interesting to others, and on forums you get to know who you communicate best with, who you relate to the most, etc.
Develop a new interest and take classes. Find an interest that you are curious about but that also is participated in by males. Don't fake it, the interest has to be genuine, you may be following it all the rest of your life if you find somebody who likes that interest too.
Go places where others are following the same interests as yours. One is much more likely to find a similar mind at such places than going to bars or dating websites, etc etc.

By the time you meet in person to do an interest based activity, you will already have an idea about them from on line activities, just as we get to know each other here.

Date yourself, take yourself out to have fun doing things you love. Have fun first, the rest will follow.
Your interest and enthusiasm make you more attractive than somebody who is angry and frustrated or negative.

Sending best wishes. 30s is very young and I know folks find love in every stage of life. Keep us posted.


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Tim_Tex
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11 Apr 2022, 8:09 pm

Mostly the same places NTs do.

My recommendation is to find groups that cater to your interests.



nick007
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24 Apr 2022, 11:10 pm

I've met all 3 girlfriends I've had on online forums. I met my 1st on a forum for a common interest & I've met my 2nd & current on this forum.


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Muse933277
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28 Apr 2022, 11:37 am

As a young woman between the ages of 18-25 that’s at least a 6/10, dating is very very easy. Never in your lifetime will you have so many men wanting to go out with you ever again compared to the early twenties. You are in your prime, at least in terms of dating market value.

However this changes when women reach their thirties. Looks begin to decline, your fertility goes down, and the high quality guys start getting paired off and go off the dating market. By 35, most good men are taken and what’s left are either the f boys that don’t want commitment or the low quality guys in terms of relationship potential.

That’s why if you’re smart, you’ll use your twenties to find the highest quality guy you can find to settle down with, when you are still in your prime, otherwise as you get older, the quality of men you can attract just keeps going down and down, especially if you lose your looks and get fat.



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28 Apr 2022, 11:39 am

 

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nick007
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28 Apr 2022, 12:52 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
As a young woman between the ages of 18-25 that’s at least a 6/10, dating is very very easy. Never in your lifetime will you have so many men wanting to go out with you ever again compared to the early twenties. You are in your prime, at least in terms of dating market value.

However this changes when women reach their thirties. Looks begin to decline, your fertility goes down, and the high quality guys start getting paired off and go off the dating market. By 35, most good men are taken and what’s left are either the f boys that don’t want commitment or the low quality guys in terms of relationship potential.

That’s why if you’re smart, you’ll use your twenties to find the highest quality guy you can find to settle down with, when you are still in your prime, otherwise as you get older, the quality of men you can attract just keeps going down and down, especially if you lose your looks and get fat.
Sounds shallow & superficial but unfortunately I think there is some truth to that. The OP thinks being more behind her peers with life is a major factor but I have my doubts that it is really as big of a factor as she thinks it is. I would suspect that the major factors here are that the OP looks older than she did in her 20s like most all of us do & the dating pool of decent available guys is a lot smaller. In general guys are more likely to date younger women whereas women are more likely to date older men than the other way around & it seems to be the case on this forum as well. Guys in general tend to care about physical attraction more & like being providers & protectors in relationships more than women do. Guys in their 20s tend to be kinda limited to dating women who are also in their 20s whereas guys in their 30s have the pool of 20s & 30s year-old women to chose from. Aspie guys & NT women in relationships with Aspie guys tend to make a lot more frustrated posts in this section than Aspie women & NT men in relationships with Aspie women do. The ratio of guys diagnosed with autism is 4x higher than women but it's still too small to explain the ratio difference in this section of the forum. There are tons of exceptions of corse thou, I'm just talking in general.

My advice to you OP if you were majorly wanting a relationship, would be to seek out decent guys who might struggle a lot in the relationship department. There are a lot of single & lonely guys on WP for example & disabled guys in general or guys who have other various social problems & problems having decent employment tend to struggle more with getting relationships. Both genders tend to be shallow & superficial in different ways & it's ashame that the people who regularly get passed over cuz they cant fit the mold of what's attractive, don't pair up with each other more easily :(


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magz
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28 Apr 2022, 1:07 pm

We sang in a choir. Turned out to share interests and sense of humor... and the chemistry grew.


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kraftiekortie
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28 Apr 2022, 2:52 pm

It's erroneous to believe 18-25 year old women are necessarily at the "peak" of their attractiveness. I've known many women in their 40s (or older) who are as attractive---perhaps even more attractive----than when they were in their teens and 20s.

Just like this whole idea of "sexual peak"-----all a bunch of blarney.



Muse933277
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29 Apr 2022, 5:50 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's erroneous to believe 18-25 year old women are necessarily at the "peak" of their attractiveness. I've known many women in their 40s (or older) who are as attractive---perhaps even more attractive----than when they were in their teens and 20s.

Just like this whole idea of "sexual peak"-----all a bunch of blarney.




Generally speaking, yes, women are at their peak attractiveness between the ages of 18-29. That doesn't mean you fall off a cliff when you hit 30 and become ugly, but usually by the thirties and especially after 35, there is an inevitable decline in physical beauty. But for women who let themselves go, and abuse drugs and alcohol, this decline will hit them a lot harder. Poor lifestyle choices tend to show themselves by the time you're in your thirties and especially forties. If you're a heavy alcohol user who abuses drugs, you can get away with it at 21 without it seriously affecting your physical attractiveness, the same can't be said at 35.

Now you may argue that 23 year old women arne't more attractive than 50 year old women. That's just because you're older and I don't expect most 50 year old men to want to seriously date a 21 year old girl. They may be attracted to them and think they're hot, but 50 year old men generally speaking, want women in their 40s and 50s for a serious relationship.



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30 Apr 2022, 4:50 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Now you may argue that 23 year old women arne't more attractive than 50 year old women. That's just because you're older


If that's true, then young men only find young women attractive because they're younger, but you say women peak in physical attractiveness when young. Attraction isn't purely physical, though.


Muse933277 wrote:
and I don't expect most 50 year old men to want to seriously date a 21 year old girl. They may be attracted to them and think they're hot, but 50 year old men generally speaking, want women in their 40s and 50s for a serious relationship.


This isn't what many women report. As they age, they seem to find fewer men who want women their own age.



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03 May 2022, 1:05 am

I'm a guy and I agree that a woman can be just as attractive in her 40s as some women in their 20s are. However, there are women my age (late 30s), who keep talking about how it's hard to find a top quality guy because they keep desiring women in their 20s. So I agree that women in their 40s are just as attractive, but do women my age who say that, speak some truth, if that is what they believe?



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04 May 2022, 12:08 pm

ironpony wrote:
I'm a guy and I agree that a woman can be just as attractive in her 40s as some women in their 20s are. However, there are women my age (late 30s), who keep talking about how it's hard to find a top quality guy because they keep desiring women in their 20s. So I agree that women in their 40s are just as attractive, but do women my age who say that, speak some truth, if that is what they believe?


Not sure about top quality guys, but I think there's some truth to men desiring women in their 20s (in my experience). I'm early 40s and look freakishly young. The men I attract think I'm in my 20s. The older men I attract are almost always really shallow, and expect me to be grateful for their attention when I tell them my age.



nick007
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04 May 2022, 1:36 pm

ironpony wrote:
I'm a guy and I agree that a woman can be just as attractive in her 40s as some women in their 20s are. However, there are women my age (late 30s), who keep talking about how it's hard to find a top quality guy because they keep desiring women in their 20s. So I agree that women in their 40s are just as attractive, but do women my age who say that, speak some truth, if that is what they believe?
Perhaps those women's idea of a top quality guy is a guy who can afford to be shallow :? Maybe those women would have better luck if they accept that they are not top quality women & go for guys who are more on their level :chin:


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