Greetings fellow aliens

Post Reply New Topic

Greetings!

My name is Ben and I am undeniably on the spectrum (based on extensive research and analysis) although not yet diagnosed. I have requested an assessment via my psychiatrist so hopefully soon I'll know for certain; of which I'm hoping will bring me some relief and allow me to make those around me aware of my shortcomings (which I don't think are actually shortcomings but rather I believe them to actually be a blessing in disguise). I feel like I've won the genetic lottery but sometimes also that I've won it but the prize is misfortune and misery.

I am 24 years old and I never fit in with the 'normal' crowd during school or even within my own family. I do admit that I did try as a young boy to fit in for a few years but the stress that it brought me caused me to get sensory overloaded often and I even had frequent bed wetting episodes until the age of 9 (which I believe was half due to the fact that my mother was unable to communicate with me properly leaving her to shout at me often). Another thing is that I feel rejected by my family, especially my mum and most of my siblings (some siblings I can also see ASD traits within), which led me to become a hermit and withdraw to my bedroom where I fell in love with the internet and some social media as a means of retaining at least some connection with the world. I do have 2 sisters that seem to be of the caring personality type who seemed to be able to connect with me still even with my differences. I feel that these sisters are more spiritually in-tune than the rest of my family which is what allowed them to pick up my energy.

After shutting away and no longer attempting to fit in with the normies, I found relief and was able to be myself. I started to wear earphones or headphones everywhere I went and even most of the time at home - this helped to shut out the haunting sounds of the world. Me starting to be myself seems to have this slowly caused me to be rejected by people one by one until I finally found myself to be drawn into the band of misfits within my class and year group in secondary school (or middle/high school if you're American or from another country but only know the American terminology and not the UK version).

I was not aware of this process and was confused for many years as to why all my friends were weird and looked down up by the rest of the pupils, but I shrugged it off. I found that even after school I was drawn to the 'weirdos' (as seen in society's eyes) as I found myself in a college course doing IT even though IT was my worst grade from school. The exact same thing happened when I got my first and second jobs in computer programming - a lot my colleagues in both jobs were well... different. I felt a sense of belonging in both these jobs but after the pandemic hit I was no longer able to physically see my colleagues face-to-face, as we were made to work from home, nor was I able to see my friends properly each weekend. Both of these things left me as an anxious, depressed mess and I've been on medication for this for about a year now and also turned to drugs and alcohol to try and deal with it.

I've suffered a lot of mental illness from all this and I wasn't even aware of it (I've even had bouts of psychosis which is an incredibly scary experience). But now I am aware thanks to becoming more spiritually in-tune after a psychedelic experience (mushrooms) of which soon afterwards I started hearing the universe calling out to me in forms of media and the actions and words of others. I'm on a journey of recovery and healing now so here's hoping my mind can be cleansed of these mental woes.

Some extra points:
- My MBTI type is INTP.
- I've always been called a genius by my classmates, family and work colleagues though I've always shrugged this off and said it isn't true to others but kind of believed it inside my own head - though it's likely to be due to my inferiority/superiority complex of which I like to call the god-bug complex.
- I'm really cool
- Half of what I say is a joke whilst the other half is the truth but disguised as sarcasm. I'll leave you to wonder what one of those the above statement is haha.
- I'm very open-minded and I believe my consciousness to be on a universal (or at least global) level now - I often find myself relating to Einstein, Tesla and Hawking.
- I'm also obsessed with science and religion and interested in their constant battle against each other as well as electrical frequencies being the life-blood of the universe and why it is this electricity that allows our brains to communicate with each other. It seems to me that ASD is actually a difference in this electrical wiring in the brain and therefore our capability to wirelessly connect with others is faulty and doesn't allow our communication attempts to reach people without ASD. If any of you guys wanna discuss this topic with me I would be very happy.

Well, that is my life story. Hope it wasn't too long (though it most certainly was) or TMI for ya. I also hope I can make some friends here and share some experiences - I've got a lot to tell now that I'm fully aware.

Sending positive energy!
Ben signing off.

Welcome to WP! I hope you don't feel like a misfit here.

I'm now very retired but what I retired from was IT. That's what I studied in college. That's what I did for work.

And I am an INTJ. All four preferences are clear but the "I" and "T" are very clear.

Welcome! Glad you are with us!