My final decision

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I have my K9 kids to think about. I ain't going anywhere until I see the last of them go, assuming I survive that long.

My parents are emotionally abusive a$$holes I despise and have not had any relationship with them for many years. And I have no spouse or children to be affected.

I have waited way too long as it is. I was going to end my life all the way back in 2009, but my mother urged me to wait. She said things would get better if I gave them some time to. Its been 13 f**king years and nothing ever got any better. That's 1 years of unnecessary pain and suffering that could have ended long ago. Waiting more will only continue to prolong my pain.

I really don't know if this will help your depression, just that if you actually look at, not just glance at, but spend time with the NDE phenomena it's not people grasping at straws. The closest thing to a dead-matter reductive materialist case for what's happening maybe is that the brain is spraying itself with DMT and possibly some other chemicals that cause it not to behave quite like a typical DMT blast off. What still needs to be explained there as well, and why even the DMT story doesn't quite cut it, is veridical perception and people grabbing significant pieces of knowledge that they had no way of knowing.

From what time I've spent studying it I think naive realism or dead-matter reductive materialism, at least with respect to the going concern of consciousness, is pretty much done. OTOH we have no clue what 'that' is, ie. that state. We have no clue how to interpret what people are seeing or what it means when they're no longer seeing things happening around the hospital, around town, or seeing people who've died that they don't know are dead, ie. the rest of the experience has no verifiable touchstones. Stephen Wolfram's hypergraph and ruliad, or Donald Hoffman's social network of conscious agents, make plausible containers for such a thing but can't really predict it's content other than that perhaps it's all possible potentials.

Obviously none of that changes suffering in this world, it's just worth noting that this - whether or not it has any discernable meaning - it has a longer and broader context.

This is another reason I wouldn't take my own life unless things got really extreme (like being in my 70's with a terminal illness and $500K in debt or having something press down on me so hard that I knew I'd rape someone unless I ended it) - I don't know the rules and one of the problems with NDE's is that they don't tell of a cohesive reality, just ongoing consciousness or at least consciousness taking a hard right or left turn against the flow of time and going somewhere else in a Minkowski block universe.

People say things like that because that's what society expects them to say. If they put thought into it and were honest with themselves and others, they would admit that nobody can know whether your life will get better later. If you really have felt this way without wavering for many years and you don't have any duties binding you here, maybe it's the right choice for you now. I know when I get really upset, I usually forget that things aren't always that bad. That may or may not apply to you. One thing that helps me when I get really upset over disappointments is to remember that we'll all be dead very soon and then it won't have mattered whether I lived a good life or a bad one. I was pretty miserable for most of my life and that changed for a few months about a year ago. It didn't last, but it almost could have. I would have wanted to live forever if it did. I never had felt that way before. Things may not get better, but even if you've been miserable for decades, things can turn around unexpectedly. Especially if you try to figure out why you're miserable and what you could possibly do to improve your situation, which you may have already done. Have you considered experimenting with your diet? Not only could losing weight improve your odds of finding a romantic partner, but being healthier can make you feel a bit better. I know carbs make me feel pretty sh***y. More depressed, fatigued, and I have a harder time getting to sleep. Jerking off too often has a similar effect. I would suggest experimenting with things like this.

Medical science has demonstrated that near death experiences and out of body experiences are simply hallucinations caused by DMT.

There has never been a confirmed case of anyone gaining accurate information they couldn't have learned some other way during an out of body experience.

There was a study that tested this by placing pictures on top of high shelves that can only be seen from a high vantage point in several hospitals. Patients who reported experiencing veridical perception in these hospitals were asked what appeared in the pictures, and none of them could answer accurately.



It is impossible to rule out that they did not know or at least suspect that the person they saw was dead. And there are documented cases of people seeing someone they thought was dead during a NDE who turned out to still be alive. How do you explain that?

People who report experiencing NDEs always have vision that are influenced by their cultures and personal beliefs. Christians often report seeing Jesus or ascending to Heaven, while Hindus report visions of Hindu deities. Young children who do not understand the concept of death who have experienced NDEs reported seeing relative, friends, or teachers who were still alive.

If you had researched NDEs and out of body experiences as well you think you did you would already know all of that.

It’s amazing what the human mind can conjure up—even if it isn’t actually true.

That’s reason enough to want to live.

Do you remember who they were or who presented these cases?


That's why I don't subscribe to any literal interpretation of what people see past the point of hovering around their body or seeing something locally.

When pairing this with the Ian Stevenson work along with the rest of University of Virginia, Christopher Kerr's work in hospice, there's a lot about consciousness and it's ontological status that we don't understand. Absolutely none of it convinces me that any of the world religions have it right despite what people see (Daoism's maybe the only one that's sort of flexible enough) but I read that as a different kind of problem, ie. that the rule sets for what's experienced at that point are completely different and it fails our expectations of fixity or solid landmarks because we're expecting a continuation of the rules as we know them.

The biggest difference between these and dreams are mainly the following:
1) Most people who report them at least report them as lucid experiences, no data or suggested correlation that they were already lucid dreamers.
2) They're hyperreal in comparison to dreams (which some sense parallels DMT experience but they're not often seeing crazy geometries, at a minimum something would have to be softening that effect).
3) People can have 360 degree spherical vision, I'm not sure how one even hallucinates that without the neural wiring to do so.
4) People who were blind from birth are at least claiming that they're seeing, again - I'm not sure how that works either.

The overlap with DMT experiences seems to raise as many questions as it answers. I get the sense that Michael Levin's work with bioelectric templates will have to come along farther as well as some confirmation, if he's right, that consciousness aggregates via gap junctions and that dreams are effectively our various pieces and parts coming apart to have dialogs without the full unification that we have when we're awake (there's a Youtuber who had a month of smoking DMT while making vape pens and he had enough of it to go to the 'threshold' slowly and saw that the threshold was where people start going into this decompiling process and the various components of their personalities break out into all of these separate pieces which become something like dream elements). How that ties into the kinds of things Ian Stevenson was finding in his interviews of children's past life recall and the confirmation of those past places and relationships is hard to say but it's something that we're going to have to keep digging into to gain a proper understanding of.


The nutters would believe anything.

The cynics would say a seeker is born every minute.

Anyone in between is stuck with the impression that the whole topic is being forced into a fold and that there's evidence hitting that really shouldn't be there if it's absolutely nothing, that evidence then dovetails - in part - with biological/neurological explanations to the point that it's almost plausibly deniable (never shifts off that line), and the infinite neediness of the religious nutter or conspiracy of weakness and cowardice can't adequately explain why the dialog is in this spot. The number of philosophers jumping over to panpsychism is telling as well.

Interesting posts … you see for a big part of my early life had considered doing it . My birth family including my MOTHER and siblings were a direct cause for this thought pattern and my early introduction to the Catholic religion .
But I did care for my Father . Kind of a absentee Dad but still a Dad. He helped me get a financial start in the world .
Kinda helped me get my very first real job.Thank heaven it wasn’t dealing directly with the public . But could observe others and how they worked with the public , Even though they were NTs . And was part time.
I thought and thought …read several books . Then found a book called “ the power of positive thinking “ .
I was skeptical , but someone had recommended it . Whom I respected. And so I started to read , Read with a very jaundiced eye. Had already read alittle eastern philosophy type of stuff. But this was different .
And was informed by the person I respected to read it all the way through . It had references to belief in God .
Very nearly just quit reading . But the person ,I respected said if the religious stuff could be gotten through .
There was a good practical working message ,( advise ) in the book .
I reluctantly took the advise on faith. And applied it . In about 3-4 weeks I started noticing changes for the better around me . And life seemed to come together for me , in my own way . It helped me change my attitude about me and about others in my world . This was not the be all , end all book . Later faced some life questions and severe repeated traumas that dragged me back down. But it got me through a impossible time.
Am needing to reread it . I do believe it could help me again . Until then I try hard to distract myself from ruminating thoughts , through various things that I feel responsible for , Physically in my Life . And keep after the thoughts that would have me harm myself . So , I can get up the next day and see what I can get done. And what surprises or circumstances I will face next . And prefer to pass on a smile to people I personally interact with when I can .
And feel inadvertently a little useful when I can remember to compliment a stranger about anything about them .
( being careful to watch for their demeanor , deciding whether to say anything at all to them) 100% of the time these are people I would have to interact with anyhow. Avoiding people in the past whom have wronged me.

Yeah, it’s dangerous to believe the demons in your mind are real.

"Interesting."

My life was far from a picnic, also.
I simply have a different mindset, I guess.

If I was considering suicide, I'd give that a shot first and see if anything did change.
There is also the aspect of the satisfaction of achieving your idea weight.
Where is the downside of that?

Reducing your food intake also has the added benefit of saving money.
I remember the days when I was paying off my mortgage and only spent an average of a dollar a day on food for a year.
I was a damned happy puppy skunk as a result.

You really have to appraise a thing on it's content and particularly when it's subhuman it's probably internal. Most of the time if something funny is happening, even something like a Jungian breakdown where reality is doing weird things, it's that person's genes losing their isht over something.

Something interesting to note, even the Catholic church and those who are practicing exorcists would say that the number of people they actually see who've met the criteria are exceedingly rare. What the remainder are would be interesting for science to actually investigate.

My take - there's very little real evidence that Christianity, or really any other world religion, represent unshakable truths of any kind. What that means as far as what the heck exorcisms actually are - no idea other than that it's probably bludgeoning something in someone back into place with their own belief systems. What it hypothetically suggests to me, going back to multi-part identity, is that one piece starts losing its footing and challenging the rest of the identity, and if arcane knowledge starts showing up or the person actually starts speaking in long-dead languages, it's probably again something more to do with ground reality, mind's connection to the universe, and other stuff that naive reductive materialism just doesn't countenance well.

Another article on the student loan debt topic:

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/05/15/she-pus ... appen.html

When I was 7 years old, my stepfather's cousin took my toy and used to lure me away to a secluded area and then raped me.

One year later, an older boy at school took advantage of my isolation and raped me in a dumpster in the back of my school.

There was a store I frequently walked to for groceries. One day, when I was the only person in the store with the clerk, he took advantage of me and grabbed from behind and said he was checking how strong I am. I felt extremely uncomfortable and tried to get my stuff and leave as fast as I could. But then he pinned me against an ice cream fridge and forcefully placed my hand on his crotch.

My ex-fiancé could not abuse me physically, but she did abuse me psychologically. She gaslighted me frequently, claiming I said or did things I knew I didn't. She made up stuff like saying her cousin knew me in high school and said I was on drugs and involved in illegal activities, even though that was impossible since I did not even go to high school anywhere in the US. It was subtle at first, but she slowly isolated me socially until my social circle consisted of only her and her small group of friends, whom she weaponized against me. She slowly kept coming up with stories or objections to any friends I had. It got to a point when I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to go anywhere or buy anything of my own accord with first securing her approval. I frequently just avoided doing thing I wanted to or feltlike I want to sneak around if something was important enough to me. She played on my insecurities and constantly used the threat of leaving me to manipulate me, and even told me that other women said I'm ugly and gross.

I know there will be some people like Walrus and Fnord who will say I'm just lying about all of that because those things can only happen to women. But I was there and I know its the truth despite anything they say.

However, no other woman has ever wanted to date me at any point in my entire life. It has been over 13 years since my relationship with my aforementioned ex ended, and in all those years there has still yet to be any woman who has wanted to date me. It is clear that only individuals looking for someone vulnerable they can easily take advantage of and manipulate are drawn to me, while anyone looking for a healthy relationship wants nothing to do with a freak like me.

It does make a lot of sense if you think about it; women are attracted to strength, while predators always target the weak.

The myth that everyone is created equal was long ago destroyed by the reality that is natural selection. I never asked to be nor was ever given any opportunity not to be different. Trough neither choice nor fault of my own, the universe arbitrarily chose me to ruin my entire life from the very beginning by making me a goddamned freak. I will always be alone and unwanted.

My decision has not changed. And due to the constant dishonesty, double standards, lies, gaslighting, and abuses of the mods; I will not post on WP again.

Goodbye.

If you have a chance to read this at least - look up Richard Grannon on Youtube. He deals with these kinds of things a lot and does so compassionately as he spent time in at least a few relationships where he underwent narcissistic abuse. It's a very real thing and very nasty. Also deeply sorry to hear about the rape incidents.

If you do decide to end it we understand, you will also be missed - at the most surface level at least because you contribute insightful posts.